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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I should be allowed to have a messy hair look at work and smelling a bit at the end of the day is normal

246 replies

vicecave · 26/03/2015 09:55

Nc as there's people I know and this is very embarrassing.

My manager has just called me as side to comment on my appearance. Apparently my hair looks too messy and not "business like" enough or reflects the professional image. The office is business causal and I work for an architects. If you watch food upwrapped on channel 4 I have the same hair as that woman. Also apparnelty someone has complained that I smell. I do pong a bit at the end of a warm day when I get home, I just thought that was normal? I do only wear natural fibers. I'm allergic to perfume and most deodorants so use a rock deodorant, that probably doesn't do much but I try.

Aibu to keep my hair how I want it?

OP posts:
seriouslypeedoff · 26/03/2015 20:17

I find washing trainers, that have a really bad smell only helps for a couple of days. I was convinced I could stop dbros from smelling. After a couple of days they stank again. Maybe the smell was too locked in. Just keep an eye/ nose on them. Maybe a spare top to change into when you get to work? And a sealable bag to put the trainers in when you get there.

As for the hair? I don't think its a sexist issue. Men get told this as well, to be smart. Unless men in your office have equally frazzled hair. Personally i think once the smell issue is resolved, they won't care about the hair. Its the whole image they are looking at and at the moment it doesn't come across as great, if people are complaining about the smell.

StopTheFog · 26/03/2015 20:21

It's not sexist to be asked to be smart for work.

OP, I have allergies and eczema and use green people products, including deodorant.

But when I walk in to work I brush my hair when I get in. That's normal, isn't it?

cleanmyhouse · 26/03/2015 20:26

oh, wash trainers then use put a few drops of tea tree oil in them, that helps a bit

Stratter5 · 26/03/2015 20:35

Pretty sure that was the smell as my pits only smell if you really sniff them.

You can't smell your own body odour as strongly as anyone else can, your nose is desensitised to it. If you can smell it, you smell to other people.

Seriously, if you've bern spoken to at work, you have a problem, and I don't think its the trainers, or they would have been specifically mentioned. Also, smelly feet/shoes is an entirely different odour to BO.

takemeuptheeiffeltower · 26/03/2015 20:37

If your trainers are smelly then it means you aren't changing your socks every day.
If you can afford it, buy some new trainers and make sure you wear fresh socks every day.
Good luck.

Gralick · 26/03/2015 20:37

I find trainers stay fresh for shorter & shorter times after washing. But I wear them with bare feet, which is why they pong in the first place. You are wearing cotton or wool socks with them, aren't you? Sheepskin insoles work a treat, too, at least while it's cold.

Gralick · 26/03/2015 20:40

... or start applying to architects that have an onsite gym, showers, and interesting hair :)

steff13 · 26/03/2015 20:40

I know they're not fashioable, but have you thought about Crocs instead of athletic shoes? They're very comfortable for walking, and they are anti-microbial, so they don't ever really smell.

VenusRising · 26/03/2015 20:46

Can you hit the gym for a swim during lunchtime? And shower then also.
I presume you are showering in the morning, and not the night before. If you're not showering in the morning, you need to, and change bra and top everyday.

Change your deodorant and find a strong one that is an antiperspirant pronto!
Mitchum gets good reviews.

Also methylated spirits / hand sanitizer gel is good to use if you don't feel your deodorant is up to scratch. Use the gel/ spirits before applying antiperspirant.

Go to the hairdresser and get that barnet sorted out - it does look messy.
Ditch the trainers, and wear leather shoes with cotton socks.

This may be a verbal warning, so you do need to sort it out if you want to keep your job.

Purplepoodle · 26/03/2015 20:47

Could it be your clothes? OH has problems getting bo out of clothes. You think they are clean but within an hour of wearing they really stink. Soaking in bicarb and vinegar really helped

SuperFlyHigh · 26/03/2015 20:56

venus haven't you seen ops one or two steps to a concession towards her critcivns was to boil wash her trainers and put tea bags in them. Confused

Not use another deodorant, wash more or sort out (finger comb, brush etc hair).

I hope there aren't any promotions coming up at ops work soon. It is a warning and having worked with architects when they make redundancies like they sometimes do don't be surprised op if your name goes in the hat for those.

Patsyandeddie · 26/03/2015 21:00

If you work in a professional environment you should make an effort with your appearance, hair, make-up etc, and as for smelling, no excuse whatsoever!

Stratter5 · 26/03/2015 21:41

Oh come on you meanies, OP bought her trainers some cheap teabags Confused

misskatamari · 26/03/2015 22:00

You can get insoles from boots which help neutralise odours - might be worth getting some for your trainers op

TheChandler · 26/03/2015 22:12

I feel a bit sick from reading this thread. Isn't avoiding being smelly and messy something you learn midway through school? I'm glad I don't work near you OP, smelly people make me feel ill.

You would think you would be embarrassed by your manager's comments. I know people who manage to cycle in to work each day, or who go running or to the gym at lunchtime, and who manage to stay non-smelly.

Do you really need suggestions that you need to put smelly old trainers in a bag at work? Or to carry a comb or keep one on a bag next to your desk to comb your own hair with occasionally (what on earth is sexist about that)? How about a quick wash in the restroom at lunchtime if you really can't last a day without becoming pungent?

Bleurgh.

GraysAnalogy · 26/03/2015 22:15

If I worked in the office and someone 'kicked off' their smelly sweat trainers and left them there festering and stinking the place out I'd fume

TinLizzie · 26/03/2015 22:28

OP, you sound like a really nice person, actually! I think your hair is probably less of an issue than the whiffs tbh - I've never heard of anyone being told to change their hairstyle! But anyway - your trainers won't last long again, even with a boil wash and it's highly likely that that is the root cause of the problem if they're languishing under the desk all day.

My DSD had this problem and it was a while before I worked out what the smell was. I only realised when one day she took her shoes off and put her feet up next to me on the sofa. Oh my word, I nearly passed out. But...problem solved. And I made sure that she washed her feet when she came in from work and put her shoes in plastic bags to contain the smell. And made her buy new shoes...

I had a similar problem for a few years in my 20s and couldn't even stand the smell of my own feet at the end of a day! Thankfully, I grew out of that phase and they never, ever smell now. Trainers are the worst for getting really stinky, really quickly though.

ShadowStone · 26/03/2015 23:54

OP, when you walk into work, are you wearing your work clothes, or are you changing into your work clothes once you get to work? And are you having a quick wash when you get to the office? Agree the trainers are probably part of the problem, but there may be more to it than smelly shoes.

If you don't change when you get to work, then your clothes may smell of BO too if you've got a bit sweaty on the way in. Even if you do change clothes, if you don't have a quick wash (even a sponge wash) then you might smell a bit if you've got sweaty on the way in.

I used to have a colleague who cycled into work - he did get changed when he got to the office - but he smelt pretty bad because he didn't wash when he got changed and he kept the sweaty cycling clothes draped over his chair.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 27/03/2015 03:14

OP, I wear trainers to work (nursing home - 13 hour shifts on my feet).

I wash my trainers on a 60 wash and let them dry naturally.

Also sprinkle talc on my feet before I put socks on. Keeps my toes nice and fresh.

Smile

Maybe wash clothes after every wear, too.

I do agree that people can't smell themselves. I have a colleague who smokes and it makes me gag. It's awkward.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 27/03/2015 04:33

I work in a 'cool & funky' industry and office. More so than architecture is say, though close.

We do have problems quite regularly with young grads or admin staff who can't see the difference between what they're wearing / hair/ general turn out and what other people are wearing. It's so tricky particularly when people feel they somehow have a right to wear exactly what they want, when in a honesty, they kind of don't, and the informality can trick people into thinking there are no rules vs different rules.

I'm thinking of the young woman who turned up to a client meeting with no bra, strappy top so thin not only were there nipples pinging out you could clearly see the aerola. Oh and flip flops. We didn't get the project plus the client complained. I think hr addressed it as 'office wear is not beach wear' to avoid the hideous cringing of personal body parts!

And then there was the young man who stank, linen shirts became slept in crushed wet rags, and to top it off he wandered around with no shoes on (& very hairy toes & feet apparently - it was then we found out someone had a phobia of hairy toes - who knew?!), and put his feet up on the table as well.

Both examples were clearly not professional, but they had no idea and were so upset at someone having 'the talk'. The appearance problems were also a sign of not really 'getting' what was required of them professionally, and just not understanding that any office attire is about expressing the companies values.

There exists anywhere an office culture and it's rubbish but people get on better if they know how to play it.

Now I've been putting this bit off but will say it anyway even though I disagree wholeheartedly, as maybe it's relevant to your situation. Utterly and totally unfair, but I have noticed that not all dress codes are made equal. Often senior staff and/or profit making staff are given more licence over things like appearance, punctuality etc. Bottom line is if you contribute directly to the bottom line, you have more power in a company.

I've noticed that admin staff, finance, and hr all seem to dress that notch more formally. Don't know whether that's because their professions are more formal/ traditional, or because they find they are t taken as seriously, or are simply expected to be better turned out.

I also have noticed that more senior employees get to have their quirks and personal style that bit more. I know this can be a problem as when someone right at the start of their career joins, and gets pulled up on something, they might say/ think 'hey that's cinpletely unfair, so and so does X so why can't i?' .... One of the really unfair bits of working life! Trouble is, if so and so brings in 1M a year, then their performance means little issues tend to get overlooked.

Also that same person might be looking shabby / a bit ripe as they've pulled an all nighter or just come of a long haul flight, often both. So, then the junior thinks, oh great no one cares what people look like, when they just don't have the full facts to judge what's happening...

Anyway, that's all I can think of to share that might be helpful :)

CycleChic · 27/03/2015 05:36

"I've noticed that admin staff, finance, and hr all seem to dress that notch more formally. Don't know whether that's because their professions are more formal/ traditional, or because they find they are t taken as seriously, or are simply expected to be better turned out."
I work in Engineering and would say that the opposite is true.Support staff tend to be a step more casual I've noticed that admin staff, finance, and hr all seem to dress that notch more formally. Don't know whether that's because their professions are more formal/ traditional, or because they find they are t taken as seriously, or are simply expected to be better turned out.(think knitwear rather than blouses) although they're more put together (hair,makeup, jewellery) that the female engineers, scientists, and planners. That I always put down to the idea that us technical types are either a bit hopeless or want to fit in with a crowd of men, though! Grin

CycleChic · 27/03/2015 05:49

Ugh phone fail! The first few sentences should read:

I work in Engineering and would say that the opposite is true.Support staff tend to be a step more casual (think knitwear rather than blouses) although they're more put together (hair,makeup, jewellery) that the female engineers, scientists, and planners.

interpolalert · 27/03/2015 06:52

I can't see what's wrong with the OP's hair if it's like that presenter's. Not my taste but not scruffy. But then I only brush my once fortnight, and look rather like this:

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/02/20/article-0-040D1C330000044D-919_306x463.jpg&imgrefurl=www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2103601/Vivienne-Westwood-Everyone-looks-clothes-ugly.html&h=463&w=306&tbnid=OIgEEUxp9PyFDM:&zoom=1&docid=kV3f0zi8fN0L7M&ei=p_0UVcLRGYX88QXu34DYAg&tbm=isch&client=safari&ved=0CDwQMygWMBY" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/02/20/article-0-040D1C330000044D-919_306x463.jpg&imgrefurl=www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2103601/Vivienne-Westwood-Everyone-looks-clothes-ugly.html&h=463&w=306&tbnid=OIgEEUxp9PyFDM:&zoom=1&docid=kV3f0zi8fN0L7M&ei=p_0UVcLRGYX88QXu34DYAg&tbm=isch&client=safari&ved=0CDwQMygWMBY

And gets lots of compliments.

I don't smell though.

Apologies for Daily Fail link.

interpolalert · 27/03/2015 06:53

That would be brush my hair. Smile

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