to think I should be allowed to have a messy hair look at work and smelling a bit at the end of the day is normal

[vicecave]

Nc as there's people I know and this is very embarrassing.

My manager has just called me as side to comment on my appearance. Apparently my hair looks too messy and not "business like" enough or reflects the professional image. The office is business causal and I work for an architects. If you watch food upwrapped on channel 4 I have the same hair as that woman. Also apparnelty someone has complained that I smell. I do pong a bit at the end of a warm day when I get home, I just thought that was normal? I do only wear natural fibers. I'm allergic to perfume and most deodorants so use a rock deodorant, that probably doesn't do much but I try.

Aibu to keep my hair how I want it?

Now you've explained about your trainers, you probably smell of underarm BO and smelly feet too. Trainer feet smells are awful and probably stink out the office for the whole day. I also think people will put up with their own smells but be offended by others.

I know someone with smelly feet and it is not offensive to them but it turns my stomach.

"that work is a mutual relationship - they pay you and expect you to do what's needed in return"

Dickens probably stank like a goat, but it didn't stop him being a brilliant novelist.

I don't think you've got any more right to tell people that their smell offends you than you do to tell them that the sound of their voice or sight of their ugly face turns your stomach, regardless of whether they work for you or not.

Am I alone in thinking that the hair style is fine? It's modern and would not suit everyone (me esp and i have very thick, shoulder length curly hair that I cannot get a brush through, I tie it back as that's what works for me) but the stule in question is one I see a lot of younger women wearing out and about every day. And this kind of style, delberately a bit mussed up, was fairly common in my last workplace.

What happened to bodily autonomy?

I like to exercise mine by not subjecting my nose to unnecessary stinks.

It's my fucking body. Don't like it? Stand further away.

Very disingenuous, seeing as that's a) not taking into account that people have to share office spaces, and b) standing further away is frequently not possible.

And yes, fish breath is revolting. At least get your poor kids to brush their teeth after their fishy breakfast.

I do think the smell was coming from wearing the same trainers daily into work, then kicking them off under my desk into normal shoes. IVe just bought a second pair to alternate and will wash them more.

This is actually addressed in my employee handbook, too. It says:
"Overbearing scents (e.g. perspiration, alcohol, unclean clothes, foot odor, bad breath, etc.) are not acceptable." You can buy powder to put in your shoes to keep them from being so stinky. Even just baking soda might work.

OP - YANBU. They can all just fuck off. I'd be tempted to start eating raw garlic before going into work just to annoy people even more.

Where I work, continued violation of the dress code can result in discipline and eventually termination.

So glad I don't know people like Beloved. Bloody selfish to think the rest of society should have to put up with your stench.

"At least get your poor kids to brush their teeth after their fishy breakfast."

They do. Of course they bloody do - I wouldn't send a child to school with unbrushed teeth because it leads to poor dental health.

But actually you can brush your teeth for as long as you like after eating sardines, and your breath will still smell of fish half an hour later.

"So glad I don't know people like Beloved. Bloody selfish to think the rest of society should have to put up with your stench."

Or put up with the fact that you feel the whole world has to arrange itself so as not to offend you.

Dickens probably stank like a goat, but it didn't stop him being a brilliant novelist.

He was probably crawling with lice as well (most people were back then),
It's good that we have moved on and have improved our personal hygiene.

Oh, and your hairstyle is fine.

It's absolutely not acceptable to try to micro-manage other people's appearance. It's disrespectful.

The only person being selfish is you Beloved. I can't believe people actually think like you.

"It's good that we have moved on and have improved our personal hygiene."

Good for what?

The environment? Our skin? Our health?

There are still massive lice outbreaks in schools, despite most children being clean.

We also have an epidemic of dermatitis.

Lots of people in the 1950's and 1960's bathed once a week, and maybe gave a quick whizz round with a flannel every now and again. Do you think the fact that most people now bath/shower daily means we have less ill-health than they did then? Better skin?

How hard is it for someone to brush their hair if windswept when in the office?! I do this.... Every morning.

OP never came back....

Sorry op, I do understand that this must be v embarrassing and uncomfortable and really feel for you. It might be easier if you
Looked at the situ in a pragmatic way. Ultimately it's not really about what is right or wrong in this situation but what your employer wants. They've given you a clear message. If you ignore it then you're liable to have the matter escalated. It's not exactly going to help your career. And personally I think you'd be unlikely to win in a claim for unfair dismissal if you ignored several warnings ad we're let go (though I'm not an employment law specialist). So regardless of your personal views on what level of smelliness is acceptable (which I completely agree is culturally contingent) it might be in your best interest to think about taking some of the advice on this thread.

Have to admit Beloved, I think it's great you give your children a highly nutritious breakfast of sardines in the morning even if they do stink up the classroom for hours afterwards
Much better for them than crappy sugary cereals.

Surely you shouldn't be brushing your teeth after breakfast? Unless you have 30 mins or more between breakfast and leaving the house, I suppose... do people really get up with that much time to spare? Or do they brush teeth, eat breakfast, then do everything else like getting dressed etc for about 30 mins, then brush teeth again and go out?

OP it doesnt really matter if its your shoes or BO, the point is that your colleagues have been subjected to it enough that they had to speak to your manager. That means its BAD! So you need to deal with it, get insoles for your trainers that stop the odour, air your shoes out at night at the back door or whatever, wash them regularly, wash pits regularly to remove stale sweat, find a deodorant that agrees with your skin, bring a fresh top and wash them daily, and FGS brush your hair after your walk to work.

I'm lovely Grays.

I'm a very accommodating person.

But maybe that's due to being bought up in hot countries where daily showering, and deodorant, and frequent changing and washing of clothes is hard, so that people do often smell quite a lot. Maybe it's made me a bit less neurotic about the issue.

I had a colleague who used a rock crystal deodorant and she did smell a lot. I have to say that I did keep my distance as much as possible. Whatever the arguments for and against here... I suppose one thing to consider is that your relationships with people at work may suffer if you don't address body odour.

Loling at the thought that hairstyle is acceptable in a professional enviroment. Yeah, sure. It's the kind of hairstyle you'd wear to do the housework or something.

Surely you shouldn't be brushing your teeth after breakfast?

You're supposed to brush after every meal. At least, that's what they tell us here.

It's absolutely not acceptable to try to micro-manage other people's appearance. It's disrespectful.

I agree, in your personal life. But an employer is permitted to set standards of dress and appearancet to which its employees must adhere. When you agree to take the job, you agree to these guidelines. No one is forcing OP to work for this particular company, she's free to look for work elsewhere, perhaps someplace with more relazed standards.

Relaxed I can't even blame autocorrect, that was my stupid fat fingers.

Do you think the issue might be that you walk for an hour to get to work? Unless you're super fit there's going to be a bit of sweat there for the rest of your day? That plus the trainers might be building up into quite a combination and that's what your colleagues are finding so bad.

And it must be bad as the vast majority of people won't criticise the hair and smell of another unless it's consistently a big issue.

In each professions there are acceptable things that would be unusual in others. Architects notoriously have terrible diets and smoke like chimneys but on the other hand tend to be pretty stylish or at least very, very visually aware. You need to bear that in mind and conform to what is standard for your workplace and profession or choose new ones.

Vice, are you being bullied? It's just that, from your posts, you don't seem to have any unconventional attitudes that could be leading you to be inadvertently offensive. And architectural practises are supposed to be hives of creativity, where a non-standard hairdo would almost be expected.

It doesn't make sense to me, unless someone's got it in for you.

Ftr, I didn't use deodorant for years. I was allergic to them all except a Vichy one that was ridiculously expensive and I sometimes had to go to France to get it. (I can use far more normal brands now, but this isn't the point.) I got pissed off & decided not to bother. Didn't make any difference - and, yes, I did check with my colleagues & loved ones! Obviously, people's bodies vary and there are some medications, as well as foods & medical conditions that can make you stinky.

In your case, I'd look behind the complaint I think.