to think I should be allowed to have a messy hair look at work and smelling a bit at the end of the day is normal

[vicecave]

Nc as there's people I know and this is very embarrassing.

My manager has just called me as side to comment on my appearance. Apparently my hair looks too messy and not "business like" enough or reflects the professional image. The office is business causal and I work for an architects. If you watch food upwrapped on channel 4 I have the same hair as that woman. Also apparnelty someone has complained that I smell. I do pong a bit at the end of a warm day when I get home, I just thought that was normal? I do only wear natural fibers. I'm allergic to perfume and most deodorants so use a rock deodorant, that probably doesn't do much but I try.

Aibu to keep my hair how I want it?

Smelling a bit is not normal at the end of an office day. The only jobs I can think of where it might be normal is in sports or anything really physical. It does need to be sorted TBH.

Sounds like you need a make-over.

With the hair I think it depends - if their idea of 'neat' hair is straight rather than curly say, then you can complain to HR. I once had a manager who had a problem with my curly hair and that of a colleague who was mixed race. We complained and he was disciplined. But clean, brushed and tidied back rather than in your face is reasonable.

Rock deodorants don't work but their are other aluminium free brands (if that's the issue). Perfume on top of sweat to hide the smell is rank and doesn't work anyway.

You need to sort the odour!

I wonder if you're minimising how bad it is. Bosses usually agonise over these convos.

I once worked with a very senior social worker who stank. It always looked as if he work clean clothes... Oh my, even during the cooler months you could smell which room s he'd walked through. People would gag as the smell was so awful. It was vile!

Seemed he had been spoken to, but asserted he washed several times daily and wore deo. Didn't stop the stench. I felt quite sorry for him, but several people changed jobs because of it.

Are you truly allergic to deoderant?...
Perhaps have a chat with your GP?

I'd be mortified....I've also had to be the one doing the 'telling' bit which is awful.

If you value your position then I'd have a smarten up ....especially address the deodorant thing as it's pretty bad working with a colleague who has issues with smelling....we had a guy who struggled with BO he would change his shirt halfway through day.

Yabu, mainly about smelling.

During your break it would only take a moment to tidy your hair up and use some wipes and whatever deodorant you can use. Surely then that would keep you looking and smelling reasonable until the end of your shift.

Perhaps see your GP about a prescription anti perspirant?

I have worked with somebody who didn't care much for their personal hygiene, it really isn't pleasant for colleagues.

Cats That's weird, it didn't do that to me! I'm on a Pro.

I'd agree with Fenella about the rest. If your manager had to raise it, it's probably a lot worse than you thought. Medicated deodorant should help, or potentially something like Rightmove showered off every night? A lot of people with deodorant allergies seem to find it's okay if it's washed off every day.

With regards to hair, I get that it can be a challenge, but that woman's hair is horrific. Do you aim for that look, or does your hair naturally fall like that?

The hair issue is easy to sort.

The smelling is going to need a GP visit.

In the mean time. Bring washcloths and a spare top to work. Wash mid morning, wash mid day and change your top then wash mid afternoon.

Botox works well for excess sweating.

My husband is also hyper allergic to anything perfumed and most toiletries, he does a fairly manual job and wears a uniform that is not exactly breathable but he doesn't smell.

He showers every morning with Simple soap and carries a couple of wipes in a sealed plastic bag in his pocket (he doesn't have the luxury of being in an ofice with access to washing facilities or anywhere to store stuff with easy access) in case he needs to freshen up but very rarely uses them.

How often are you showering? Are you changing your clothes every day?Can you clip/tie your hair back? If you sweat a lot, it might be worth seeing your doctor, but fresh sweat doesn't smell, it only smells if there is bacteria on your body or clothes that react with it.

I agree that it is very embarrasing for you, but equally embarrasing for your manager

Mustn't be nice for your ego op :(
Feel a bit sorry for you. It is true that it must be quite bad for your manager to build up to telling you, nobody wants to be on either side of that conversation.
See a doctor re deodrant, make sure your clothes a fresh on everyday and wear a ponytail and wash and condition your hair every 2 days or so

Tbf I work in an office which according to my desk temperature is currently 29'C. Sometimes deodorant doesn't cut the mustard. Some afternoons when it gets even hotter the office is a cloying mix of different scents which makes us feel crap and you'll still get up at the end of the day to discover massive back sweat or something.

I don’t think your manager held that convo with you for a laugh; it has to be pretty bad and for there to be complaints from various sources for something to be said. If you’re in a customer facing role appearance and personal hygiene are so important.

Surely you need antiperspirant, not deodorant? Antiperspirant stops you sweating rather than masking the smell of sweat. If you don’t want to do that, then you’re going to have to bring a clean top to change into at lunchtime, and perhaps flannels or baby wipes to freshen up before you change.

How often do you shower? You could have a two minute ‘rinse’ each evening or morning. Even if you don’t go the whole hog with hair washing, leg shaving, etc. rub a bit of soap along your pits ‘n’ bits and wash off. And be thorough; when DBoyfriend joined the forces they had a lesson in basic training on how to wash because apparently more people than you think don’t do it properly!

I know you think your hair is alright, but you could keep that body in it and still be neat. A tangle teaser or Wet Brush will go a long way to tidying it up.

What about a stainless steel soap stone for your handbag, so you can freshen up in the ladies' partway through the day? There is a company making a mint from selling really expensive ones, called De Odor, but these ones are much cheaper.

www.amazon.co.uk/STAINLESS-STEEL-STONE-ODOUR-GARLIC/dp/B007DJYHSC

I can't guarantee it works as well on body odour as it does on garlic, but it's worth a try.

I agree that the problem is quite bad if they have actually drawn you aside to comment on it. The person whose task it was probably agonising over doing this for ages. I think you should go to a good hairdressers and start paying a lot more attention to your personal hygeine.

you may have to take talc to work with you or something, we all smell a bit sometimes, I feel for you this must be mortifying. The hair thing sounds so petty though. Surely someone at work would be too busy ...ya'know actually working. ..

I think if someone has had to speak to you about it, and as embarrassing as you've found it, you do need to take note. Part of me would be a bit "how bloody dare they, I'll do what I want with my own hair" too, but that is really cutting off your nose to spite your face

My mum struggles with deodorant too, she's allergic to a lot and used to use the rock stuff. She uses Simple deodorant now which is pretty good, and has a bit of a wash at lunchtime if she's feeling a bit sweaty.

I have quite a messy bob as it suits me, fine for home, but if I had to do something where I needed to look professional and smart I dry/straighten it or put it up. I've just googled the woman, and her hair does look messy, fine for at home, or in her case on the telly, but not in a professional office environment. I'm not suggesting you need to completely change your style, but is there a compromise? Can it be blow dried/straightened/put up for work?

Is it even warm in the UK yet? You mention a pong after a long warm day in winter/spring, what about after a long summers day....?

I am assume its a bo type of pong? Sorry OP but in this day and age there is no reason for anyone to be smelling of bo. There are lots of products to use these days, even for those with allergies. Or just wash up again half way through the day. If others can smell a pong, surely you can smell it yourself?

And messy hair. Well there is no excuse for that really. Brush it and make yourself look more presentable.

You need to wash your clothes in an antibacterial liquid to kill the sweat pores that are likely to be one of the causes of your smell. Ordinary washing powder doesn't kill the sweat smell so add some dettol antibacterial liquid to the wash.
Wash your underarms with a soap like dettol soap (I don't have shares in dettol) as that will help kill any bacteria that is living on your skin.

Oh OP, I feel so bad for you. It must have been horrible to hear that.

I'm allergic to most deodorants too and have found that Biosan, Tisserand, Soft and Gentle (I never used to be able to use it but tried some last month and it's been absolutely fine so maybe they've had a formula change?) and the Vichy 48hr sensitive skin deodorants work well for me and don't cause any problems. The Lush ones are good as well if you prefer something more natural.

I think you need to make an effort to appear more professional. Have a messy hair do outside of work, but at work you need to look well groomed imo.

I

Oops.

I think that rightguard do an unscented deoderant?

OP, that must have been terrible to hear. There's some good advice on here re the smell issue, and I second having a quick wash inthe loos at lunchtime if you can't wear deoderant, and making sure your clothes are fresh every day, perhaps washing with slightly higher temps to make sure they aren't holding any bad smells.

For your hair, I would just accept you need to smarten it up, it must be the easier option to sort out. Smooth your hair down.

Smart/casual office dress codes are a minefield in my experience, really open to different interpretation. Smart, suit rules are just so much easier to get right.

op I really feel for you. I used to sweat all the time, it was so embarrassing at school. I would sweat all day long and I knew that I smelt bad. When I was about 17 I had had enough. I couldn't take smelling anymore so I went to the gp. They prescribed me with driclor I put it on at night and woke up and washed it off, admittedly it stung the first few times and gave me a rash but then my body was used to it and now when I use it it doesn't sting at all. I used it about 3 nights in a row then I literally didn't sweat for weeks (I used normal deodorant to make me smell nice) and now I basically use it about once a fortnight and I barely sweat. I have very sensitive skin and this worked well for me but check with your gp they will have things that work for all sorts of skin types. I can't tell you how much it changed my life.