Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should be allowed to have a messy hair look at work and smelling a bit at the end of the day is normal

246 replies

vicecave · 26/03/2015 09:55

Nc as there's people I know and this is very embarrassing.

My manager has just called me as side to comment on my appearance. Apparently my hair looks too messy and not "business like" enough or reflects the professional image. The office is business causal and I work for an architects. If you watch food upwrapped on channel 4 I have the same hair as that woman. Also apparnelty someone has complained that I smell. I do pong a bit at the end of a warm day when I get home, I just thought that was normal? I do only wear natural fibers. I'm allergic to perfume and most deodorants so use a rock deodorant, that probably doesn't do much but I try.

Aibu to keep my hair how I want it?

OP posts:
Meloria · 26/03/2015 18:30

Gallic do you know many architects? They tend to have very dull, low maintenance hair.

susiedaisy · 26/03/2015 18:30

I think the woman's hair in food unwrapped is fine. I have wavy wild hair and would hate anyone to tell me to keep it tidy. The body odour does need addressing though.

MonstrousRatbag · 26/03/2015 18:33

I for one am not making any moral judgments, nor am I ultra-fastidious or squeamish. I'm just offering advice because if it has got to the stage a manager has mentioned it to you, it is an issue in your employment.

The hair is easily fixed. Unfortunately it looks as though you can't have your hair as you prefer it at work. It is a pain but surely, a bearable one (and I speak as the one-time owner of a huge Afro only unleashed at weekends)?

The smell is harder to fix but actually more important. You keep saying slight pong, and you may be right, but I think you should acknowledge that if the issue has been raised then your colleagues take a different view of it. What is slight pong to you is obviously a troubling degree of odour to them.

GallicGarlic · 26/03/2015 18:35

I've just caught up on the previous page Grin I ? Beloved!

I've been eating hummus all day, having made a huge batch. I need to go out to the shops, and thought I might stop for a pint as it's pay day.

Am I a public health hazard??? Shock

GallicGarlic · 26/03/2015 18:39

Garlic do you know many architects?

This is where we find out the OP is Zaha Hadid Grin

PeachyParisian · 26/03/2015 18:39

Rock deodorants are a load of bollocks tbh.
As many PPs have said it will have taken many complaints for the manager to have taken you to one side and had a word.
It isn't normal to smell if you have good hygiene/are not at the gym and even then

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 26/03/2015 18:43

Op, please listen to the advice given as it would be awful to lose your job over something that can easily be put right.

I'm also allergic to many perfumes and deodorants but there are several available that are suitable for sensitive skin. They don't work as effectively as the stronger ones which means that they need to be reapplied during the day. You should try the simple or sanex sensitive ones as I've found them to be ok.

If your feet tend to be sweaty trainers are not the best footwear for you and they are probably adding to your scruffy appearance. Shoes would be smarter and better for your feet.

DustWitch · 26/03/2015 18:47

It's completely inappropriate for an employer to dictate to an employee how they should wear their hair IMO unless it's something that is specifically stated in your employment contract.

I'm pretty shocked at the anti curly hair statements on this thread as well, so the only thing to do with curly hair is tie it up or straighten it? Hmm Who gets to dictate that one person's natural hair is superior to another's?

The fact that the OPs employer is male and he doesn't look after his own appearance is relevant here and has apparently been missed by most posters.

DarthVadersTailor · 26/03/2015 18:48

I work in an office and don't do a manual job but the office does tend to get quite warm at times and I tend to break a sweat quite easily, I always have so I know what the OP means here. Especially in warmer weather it can be a pain. However this is why I carry aftershave and a can of deodorant with me, if it's at the point where I can smell myself then I NEED to freshen up!!! As a guy who tends to keep my hair short I don't have the same issues but when I had long hair I made the extra effort to keep it clean and tidy because in business appearances and smells matter I'm afraid. I work for local authority and have a casual office attire policy but there is acceptable and not acceptable - I'd never go in shorts and tee shirt just for example, and wouldn't want to!!

Tbh OP you just sound lazy and in need of a boost of self pride here. I'm by no means vain about my appearance but there's a certain amount of effort that's necessary and the norm!! How would you feel if you had to sit next to someone who stinks? If you had to interview them for a job would you consider them professional? Questions like that you should ask yourself when looking at the mirror in the morning assuming you do that.......not meaning to be nasty about it but especially in a small office you should consider others in this way, as well as have even a bit of pride in your own appearance.

grovel · 26/03/2015 18:50

No managers take people aside because they pong a bit at the end of a hot day. They take people aside because they fairly consistently honk.

Doodlebog · 26/03/2015 18:51

I very occasionally get a bit whiffy at work - active (ish) job with a polyester uniform. I am always mortified and carry a mini deo with me and will have a quick freshen up if possible. I think speaking to you about the odour is tough to take but justified.

The hair is tricky. I don't like the style at all but I don't know if it warrants being spoken to. I have wild curly hair that I am finally learning to love after many years of struggling. I never ever brush it (finger combed in shower) and would be quite offended at being told to straighten it. It is mostly tied back at work but if behaving is sometimes left down. I get lots of compliments when it's left down, often from little old ladies Grin but there's no doubt it looks less polished than poker straight hair. It is clean, cared for and styled as much as it can be but my employer can fuck off if they think they can order me to straighten it!

steff13 · 26/03/2015 18:57

I looked at the woman to whom the OP compared her hair. Her hair isn't curly, she just has bedhead. I have curly hair, and it's fabulous.

quietbatperson · 26/03/2015 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Box5883284322679964228 · 26/03/2015 19:00

I like the hair but I guess in a professional environment it needs to look more run of the mill

Doodlebog · 26/03/2015 19:01

Yes, steff, I agree op's hair is not curly if it's like that woman, I was just musing on people being proscriptive about hair

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 26/03/2015 19:04

Well bugger me I often think I whiff a bit at the end of the day and assumed that was normal, it has never bothered me it's not like I'm going to be getting intimate with my colleagues! My hair often looks a bit messy too. But I think that's ok because I'm not a model.

cleanmyhouse · 26/03/2015 19:04

i heart beloved. new favourite person.

i am a natural honker. i stink. but luckily i'm not allergic to perfumes and deoderants so i can deal with it.

OP, i had a pal who was allergic to all sorts and used patchouli oil instead of deoderant. Possible option?

crymeariverwoo · 26/03/2015 19:05

quietbatperson where has op said she walks for an hour to get to work? I can't find an update from her :(

SurlyCue · 26/03/2015 19:11

OP had to use a different name so her posts dont come up as highlighted. She is now visecaave

winewolfhowls · 26/03/2015 19:13

I think the hair is fine too

SurlyCue · 26/03/2015 19:13

Sorry, vicecaave

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 26/03/2015 19:21

steff13, I'm not sure what you mean by 'here'.

Eating temporarily softens the enamel on your teeth. Brushing within 30 mins or so means you are damaging your tooth enamel. You're supposed to wait and brush after at least 30 mins have passed. It is apparently much more sensible to brush before a meal, because that way you get rid of the bacteria that have built up, so that you're not feeding the inflated population of them with the food you're putting in your mouth, causing a giant acid bath that eats away at your teeth.

This is apparently what UK-trained dentists are currently being taught, though I only ever saw a dental student share this information - it was never taught as part of dental hygiene at my (UK) primary school or told to me by any (UK) dentists, which is why hardly anyone seems to know about it. Meanwhile it seems like the majority of people merrily eat their breakfast and then immediately go to the bathroom to brush away all their tooth enamel.

steff13 · 26/03/2015 19:24

I'm not sure what you mean by 'here'.

In the United States. We're taught from childhood to brush our teeth 3x a day, after every meal.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 26/03/2015 19:25

You walk to work in your trainers then leave them under your desk all day? Fuck me woman no wonder you reek! It's probably the stink of the trainers attaching itself to your feet, plus sweat built up walking. You absolutely can't leave stinky trainers under your desk! I'm shocked that you have been thinking this was ok.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 26/03/2015 19:25

www.freysmiles.com/blog/view/should-you-brush-teeth-before-or-after-eating

Look, I'm not going crazy!