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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should be allowed to have a messy hair look at work and smelling a bit at the end of the day is normal

246 replies

vicecave · 26/03/2015 09:55

Nc as there's people I know and this is very embarrassing.

My manager has just called me as side to comment on my appearance. Apparently my hair looks too messy and not "business like" enough or reflects the professional image. The office is business causal and I work for an architects. If you watch food upwrapped on channel 4 I have the same hair as that woman. Also apparnelty someone has complained that I smell. I do pong a bit at the end of a warm day when I get home, I just thought that was normal? I do only wear natural fibers. I'm allergic to perfume and most deodorants so use a rock deodorant, that probably doesn't do much but I try.

Aibu to keep my hair how I want it?

OP posts:
crymeariverwoo · 26/03/2015 19:27

I seriously think I am the only one who can't see any updates! I see nothing about walking to work in trainers :S

steff13 · 26/03/2015 19:31

SmillasSenseOfSnow, I believed you. :)

They still tell kids to brush after every meal here; pediatric dentists came to my daughter's preschool last month to talk about dental hygiene, and they told the kids that.

quietbatperson · 26/03/2015 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Phoenixashes · 26/03/2015 19:34

OP I think you have been given some great balanced advice here.

If you walk an hour to the office hence why your foot ware is smelly, then why not try showering at work if you can.

Also, you say that you have sensitive skin, have you tried patting your armpits with talcum powder and then using a hypoallgenic antiperspirant etc?

I would also suggest that you trim or shave your armpits as it does help reduce sweating etc.

Lastly, if your manager has spoken to you about it I would try and rectify the situation. Like a PP said up thread, if you do nothing like it is implied then the situation could be escalated.

In regards to your hair.....well what I would call messy/unprofessional could be regarded as on trend by someone else.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 26/03/2015 19:34

It does seem from the comments on that article though that it's not the giant problem the dental student was making out. It seems like most people would have to be consuming very acidic foods very regularly and then brushing every time for it to have any noticeable effect on their enamel. Maybe. So I'll worry less about that. Still going to brush before regardless though, since that seems more widely applicable. Smile

crymeariverwoo · 26/03/2015 19:34

I found the updates!!

Gralick · 26/03/2015 19:34

cry

"I do comb my hair, but that doesn't make much difference to my windswept look by the time I've walked an hour into work."

"I do think the smell was coming from wearing the same trainers daily into work, then kicking them off under my desk into normal shoes. I've just bought a second pair to alternate and will wash them more."

:)

Gralick · 26/03/2015 19:35

Damn!

CycleChic · 26/03/2015 19:35

"I do comb my hair, but that doesn't make much difference to my windswept look by the time I've walked an hour into work."
What do you do after your hour walk? I'd suggest cleaning up in the loo (sponge bath with washcloth and combing your hair as a minimum) and leaving your trainers outside.

Stratter5 · 26/03/2015 19:36

We brush our teeth as soon as we get up; I was taught that you should t brush 20-30 minutes after eating, or drinking anything apart from water, as your enamel could have softened from the acids.

We eat a lot of fish (Scandi background), I personally wouldn't give it for breakfast purely to avoid smells. There's plenty of healthy breakfast foods, sardines etc, are an after school snack here. It shouldn't be necessary, but kids are mean.

OTOH I used to work for a man who had fish every fucking lunchtime, he stank, and when I was pregnant it really did make my life a misery.

Please don't underestimate just how much bad odours can affect people.

Chippednailvarnish · 26/03/2015 19:37

It's completely inappropriate for an employer to dictate to an employee how they should wear their hair IMO unless it's something that is specifically stated in your employment contract

Looking like stig of the dump and smelling bad enough to make your manager take you aside is very appropriate in a professional environment.

Stratter5 · 26/03/2015 19:39

Smila, my dentist was the one who told me about brushing before eating which I already knew being somewhat obsessed with dental health and hygeine

Gralick · 26/03/2015 19:42

Well, you'll all be relieved to know I put myself under house arrest after bingeing on garlicky hummus and becoming increasingly paranoid reading this thread.

I can't live like this! I'm going to have to find my "don't care" balls, which may have rolled under a pile of smelly things somewhere ...

thisadhdmum · 26/03/2015 19:43

Op in also think using soda crystals to wash laundry with won't be helping here. You need some proper detergent that's going to really clean things deeply, soda crystals alone won't cut it. I feel for you, I had the horrible task of taking my sister aside before she went on work placement and telling her she smelt. It was a horrible thing to do and made me feel a real shit doing it, but she was grateful I'd told her and started to wash her clothes after every wear which solved the problem. In the end I'd rather her hear it from me than her new boss.

bumbleymummy · 26/03/2015 19:45

We brush after

A) because I don't want bits of breakfast stuck in my teeth.

B) because I hate eating when I'm all minty - everything tastes weird!

MidniteScribbler · 26/03/2015 19:49

so the only thing to do with curly hair is tie it up or straighten it? hmm Who gets to dictate that one person's natural hair is superior to another's?

There's a big difference between messy and curly. My good friend is African American and has the most amazing hair. It looks fabulous. However, unless I tie my hair back or run a brush through it every couple of hours, then I just look windswept and messy.

netty7070 · 26/03/2015 19:50

Close fitting acrylic tops can sometimes smell BO-y even after a wash; I spray the pits of my tops with a stain remover (eg Vanish) before washing and it gets rids of any stubborn whiffs. It is better to wear natural fibres though.

FWIW I rather like the presenter's hair!

seriouslypeedoff · 26/03/2015 19:52

In every office I worked in, they would speak to you if you smell that bad its causing complaints from other staff. They would also speak to you if you wore that much perfume, it caused complaints. If a smell is making people complain, then something needs to be done.

We all have to work together and if people are complaining that you smell, they are doing because you are making their work environment uncomfortable. People may not want to accept it and believe they have the right to do whatever they want, but in the work place its not. Just like people can complain if you wear an offensive t-shirt.

KatieKaye · 26/03/2015 20:00

No manager wants to have to tell a member of their team that they have BO. Probably there have been several complaints from your co-workers. I feel really sorry for you, as it is incredibly embarrassing.

You've identified the trainers as one possible source - can you put them in a plastic bag, and then put that inside a zipped sports bag? it's great that you walk to work, but are you sweating when you get to work? It would be a good idea to at least freshen up in the loos with a quick wash of your armpits and apply some more deoderant and change your top when you get in, along with running a brush or comb through your hair.

vicecaave · 26/03/2015 20:02

OK well the affending trainers have come out of a boil wash with soda crystals smelling new. Will start to alternate them and bought cheap teabags to put in. Pretty sure that was the smell as my pits only smell if you really sniff them.

As for the hair I still want to stand my ground and I do see this as a rather sexist issue. Glad a few more people like the hair! I think its an age thing.

Gralick · 26/03/2015 20:09

I think its an age thing.

Haha, I didn't post that I like your hair because I thought I was being an 80s throwback! Perhaps I'm so old I'm new Hmm

Niamhisnotarealname · 26/03/2015 20:09

You boil washed your trainers? Hmm

Passmethecrisps · 26/03/2015 20:10

I like the hair, personally. It is not that dissimilar to the way i wear my hair to work.

Unless they have a policy regarding hair dos I would ignore. It is completely subjective.

The smell is a more complex issue. You have sorted the shoes hopefully so that should help.

I have had to tell people they smell due to complaints from others and it is utterly brutal. It makes my heart sink every time I have to do it.

Passmethecrisps · 26/03/2015 20:11

I boil washed my DD's soft toys and almost all of them came out in tact (one was a lost cause).

Plenty of trainers are washable

Mrsstarlord · 26/03/2015 20:13

I like the hair, and I am definitely a scruff for work but could get away with that because no one cares where I work.

If manager has commented you need to sort it out. Just run a brush through it. It's not a sexist issue is a professionalism issue.

I'd be mortified if I thought I smelled, were you just not aware of it at all or is the issue that you would consider it to be OK?