to think I should be allowed to have a messy hair look at work and smelling a bit at the end of the day is normal

[vicecave]

Nc as there's people I know and this is very embarrassing.

My manager has just called me as side to comment on my appearance. Apparently my hair looks too messy and not "business like" enough or reflects the professional image. The office is business causal and I work for an architects. If you watch food upwrapped on channel 4 I have the same hair as that woman. Also apparnelty someone has complained that I smell. I do pong a bit at the end of a warm day when I get home, I just thought that was normal? I do only wear natural fibers. I'm allergic to perfume and most deodorants so use a rock deodorant, that probably doesn't do much but I try.

Aibu to keep my hair how I want it?

flora no they're not wearing their hair straight but the ones with curly hair at least know how to brush it...

Thanks. You just gave me the biggest laugh of my day.

Hmm wonder where you've gone OP ?
For a shower and a hair brush maybe ?

I hope not. I hope she's just busy working. Most employers don't take kindly to members of staff sodding off to readjust their "look" every hour or so. (Now that is unprofessional).

Hair aside I think it's completely unacceptable and not 'normal' to smell at work!!

Smell is one of the most important things people notice and remember about you and it just makes things unpleasant for everyone around you.

flora I get what you're saying. I don't agree that work is about conforming. Work is about being competent at your job. Whether you are bald, have fluorescent green cyber dreadlocks, an afro, or a scruffy bun.

I also think that the body odour issue is something that the OP needs to address. It could be, as someone has pointed out, that it may be related to clothing not being sufficiently 'fresh'.

OP I do appreciate that it must have been a very uncomfortable situation to have been put in, and I can understand that being defensive is a way to tackle the awkwardness/embarrassment/shock.

In the past I have been told that my hair (dyed a reasonably bright colour) did not 'reflect the corporate image'. Given that I was in a back office all day and had no client contact I fail to see how my hair colour in any way affected my ability to do my job, or, even if I did, what possible insinuation about the company who employed me could be gleaned by a client looking at my hair.

Sure flora in the real world...

I used to have a colleague who came to work with hair like Food Unwrapped woman. She was shagging the boss and they used to have a quickie before coming to the office each morning.

There is a difference IMO between having curly/frizzy hair (which I have) and having deliberately messy hair. In the picture that the PPs have shown, the tv presenter has a messy, backcombed, unkempt ponytail. If the OP has a similar do, it's likely that a brush-through and a tidyer pony will make it look neater. I don't think that by suggesting she sorts her hair a bit is the same as saying everyone must have poker straight hair. My hair is a curly frizzy nightmare at times. I still tie it up neatly out of the way for work.

OP I hope you take on the advice given re washing your clothes etc. I know I get smelly a lot easier than my DH does for example. I am just sweatier than he is, even though he does more manual work. So, I just make sure to shower daily, clean clothes around the pits and bits (e.g. I might get a few wears out of a cardigan, but the top under it has to be changed at least daily), a good antiperspirant and wipes in my desk if I feel grotty during the day.

Brushing is one thing but there is a huge cultural assumption that if your hair is curly or worse curly and frizzy then it must be 'tamed' and straightened. Liking your hair to be curly is never an option. It's considered unprofessional, bit like going grey not colouring your hair (except companies can't say this cause it's ageist).

Yes, SuasSios I just said to sort out her hair whether ponytail, brush, style whatever...

then someone with unruly hair who seems to have her cornflakes pissed in this morning comes along and says I've dictated OP's hair or others to be straightened....

Actually on another aside - my hair when unbrushed when wet and left to dry naturally IS curly - well more wavy - I think once or twice I've left it that way... when no hairbrush around... but it looks neater and better just combed and brushed through. flips hair about

I think part of the problem is that Op works in an Architects office.
This is a generally visually aware environment and appearances matter more than in some other types of office.
It's not a nice thing to hear but if the boss feels strongly enough to mention it then it's obviously an issue.
By the way, it IS perfectly possible to look smart with curly hair but the hairdo it that photo just looks unbrushed.

Hope your ok op. This revelation must've been embarrassing and upsetting to hear. I imagine it isn't great for the self esteem. If it was me I'd be grateful of the heads up so I could sort it out. Hope some of the advice on here is helpful for you .

Bumble and another poster up thread mentioned Tom's of Maine
I won't use antiperspirants that contain aluminium.
I also have sensitive skin so highly Chemical ones brought out rashes etc
I tried the rock and mineral ones
They weren't any
good but Tom's work brilliantly and o am fragrant all day long

I second washing clothes properly, using white vinegar and occasionally higher temp washes.
Try to dry your clothes outside.
Change your bra everyday, sweat can cling in stretchy material

Please don't get all offended, it must have been hard for manager to say this to you.

Re your hair, I was appalled to see that a blowdry clause was applied to female workers? Wht just the women, men can be just as unkempt!

There was an item on today's Womens Hour about makeup in the workplace. I was only listening with half an ear so don't know what they said.

I don't think that hair looks too bad. But I am probably guilty of bed hair as I rarely brush mine. I diffuse it after washing and brushing gets rid of any curl I might have managed to achieve.

Smelling on the other hand is the pits. I once worked with a chap who had really bad BO and our boss had to mention it to him. It took him weeks to pluck up the courage.

The woman in the photo has straight hair, which is much easier to manage. I would probably put it in a bun for work. Can't get any tidier than that.I have wavy/curly hair myself, which is difficult to manage, but the right hair cut does make a difference, plus 'curly hair' techniques.

iamEarthy - I was one of those who suggested Toms of Maine.

I used to use this years ago and it's very good, you can get slight scented ones (natural) or unscented. The Weleda ones are also good too.

iamEarthy - I'm glad there's another Tom's fan! :)

And SuperFly!

bumbley - about 5 years ago I don't know why but I think I ran out of anti perspirant/deodorant and luckily I found I actually sweated less and ponged less to than when I was wearing it!

I make sure I wash and dry under armpits though...

In the summer I sometimes have to use it but I can swear hand on heart I don't need it now... My friend who has a problem with excess sweating etc is quite envious of me.

I also wonder how many other people use it when they don't need to... I changed to Weleda and Toms originally because of the chemicals/cancer link and preferred a natural option.

I'm allergic to a lot of deodorants even Toms of Maine. I found the nivea roll on (dry comfort) the best - doesn't irritate at all - if that helps OP.

Don't think the hair looks that bad really but working with smelly people is awful. So - sorry OP I think you need to sort out the hygiene - maybe a trip to the doctor.

Sorry you are so embarrassed

I suspect the hair might not be an issue if the smell wasn't a problem. OP, look into botox as an option. Good luck. This must have been hard to hear.

Personally I hate using deoderant, it just doesnt feel "right" to me somehow to block up the sweat glands like that.

What I DO do though is shower every morning using shower gel/soap, and then every few days or so use the Lush Sea Salt body scrub on my pits, it has lime juice, salt, and vodka in it which all combine to kill off any smell-making things that may be there.

Even if you are allergic to deoderants, there are other options, ignoring it isnt really one of them in a professional office.

Most hair, no matter how curly or frizzy or unruly, can be styled to look neat and professional. The presenter you mention looks like she's just gotten out of bed. It's not a good look and it makes you look messy and like you can't be bothered.

I say this is as someone who has naturally curly, frizzy hair that goes "poof" when it comes into contact with any amount of rain. I can still style it to look tidy - either in a bun, straightened, or styled in a way that it looks neat and tidy. It is possible, but sometimes it needs the right style or products and that can take a lot of trial and error!

As for the BO, I know it must be horrible to hear but it does need to be addressed. Your GP can prescribe hypo-allergenic deodorant, and you need to make sure you wear clean clothes everyday and shower every morning. Some people can get away with re-wearing clothes and not washing everyday, but others are less fortunate.

I hope you get it sorted

Is OP coming back?