to be annoyed with this party host?

[DDDDDORA]

DD has a mild nut allergy, eating certain nuts makes her very physically sick.
Dd got invited to a party When I replied to the invite (via text) I made sure I put that DD had nut allergy, got a reply acknowledging the allergy and saying that they wouldn't be having foods with nuts in.
So today I drop DD off (DD is of an age where she doesn't want me to stay at parties), say a quick hello to the host and remind them of the allergy, to which they say don't worry there are no nuts in any of the food.
I arrive to pick DD up about 10 mins before the end of the party, to find that cakes and biscuits being put on the table. I take a look to see what's there is and find that bakewell tarts and walnut cake are on offer.
I quickly stop DD from eating any and ask the host if she realised that she had put cakes out containing nuts, to which she replied what she can't even eat cakes with nuts in?
I was flabbergasted and said no nothing with nuts and she has an allergy to which she said well that's massively inconvenient for me, my kids love these cakes.
DD and I left at that point as I was so shocked.
My poor DD has been vomiting for most of the evening, i'm raging right now.
Sorry just needed to vent at the stupidity of this host.

Some people genuinely seem to think a nut allergy only means a packet of peanuts. At least you tried. I had a child dropped off with an epipen. I chased her dad down the road to ask what it was for and to tell him that fortunately I have been trained to use one. The party menu was adapted immediately.

If I was the host I'd be pretty shocked at you!
Why didn't you just stay?... Even if your dd didn't want you to, surely her health comes 1st?
You seriously can't expect someone elses mum to deal with it, when she's prob been stressing about organising a party in the 1st placr?
How old is your dd?

I'm shocked at her reaction! It's one thing not to know that nuts in cakes count too, but if that were me I'd be apologising profusely rather than remarking on the inconvenience.
Do you think you DD ate something other than cake which has made her sick? If so, I'd be calling the party host to bring to her attention the the repercussion of not treating the allergy seriously.

Why is she vomiting if u stopped her eating the cake?

You'd told them about the allergy, they'd confirmed there would be no nuts in any of the food, you reminded them on the day and then they still served food with nuts in.

I'd be really really cross too.

Either the host was really badly informed (i.e. stupid) or was wilfully ignorant (i.e. selfish and stupid).

Hope your DD feels better soon.

swbu to blatantly and knowingly ignore your warnings if an allergy. If it was too much for her she should have either been honest and asked you to pack a lunch or told you so you could warn your dd to not eat any cakes. She was very rude and unkind.

but you were a little but U to expect a parent who has no experience of allergies and who has a million things on her mind regarding supervising other children and clearing up and sorting food etc to be responsible for reading every packet just in case.

I think you should either have stayed or packed some cakes for your dd.

having said that she knew and ignored you and had a choice of hundreds of other cakes and did willingly put ones with nuts put so sounds a bit spiteful on her behalf not to mention dangerous.

It is a huge responsibility though and high lights alot if lack of knowledge so maybe in future a list of safe cakes and biscuits and some guidance would be advisable. as not everyone knows.

her attitude stinks though and Yanbu to he pissed

Again... You should have stayed, or ensured that your dd knows how to deal with her own allergy beforehand

If the host doesn't know what an allergy is, perhaps she should not be hosting. If she knew what an allergy is and ignored it, she definitely should not. But yes, perhaps I would have been there throughout.
Especially if I was not aware on the mum, whether just not clued up or just reckless.

I know of a child who had a severe allergy, blue, swollen tongue, choking. The allergy was egg. Turned out it was egg white used to glue the smarties button on a gingerbread man bought from a leading supermarket. This was some years ago mind, I think the processes are more on the ball now.

How thick can someone be to think that cake mixture somehow stops a nut allergy in its tracks? What a moron! I hope your dd feels better now OP.

How old is your child?

How 'mild' is the allergy?

Did she actually eat the cake? I thought you'd stopped her.

I can understand why you're cross about the host not knowing that nut allergy applied to anything with nuts in it. Fairly obvious surely Seeing as most schools now ban anything with nuts for that reason I would have thought people were aware of that.

She really said 'it's massively inconvenient to me'?? Can't imagine someone saying that. Really can't

Why is she being sick when she didn't eat the cake??

I think the host was stupid, insensitive, selfish.
But that is why I would want to have stayed, just to be safe.
Hindsight can be soul destroying.

A room... Thats ridiculous! She shouldn't hold a birthday party for her dd if she doesn't know how to handle an allergy?.... No! The parent of said allergic child should stay at party to ensure that thier child is safe. It is very irresponsible to entrust your young child to someone else who doesn't understand the allergy.

I think a lot of people don't understand allergies and sensitivities. I would pack a party tea for her until she's old enough to manage it herself.

Sorry I'm confused - you said you stopped her from eating any and then say she is sick , which is it?
I'm sorry but I think you need to supervise at parties unless it's a host you know well and are sure they fully understand allergies.

None of this makes sense

How old is your DD?

If she is not able to understand what she can and cannot eat then yes, I think you should have stayed with her. You just can't take the risk with your child's health, someone else may have offered to help out by bringing a few cakes ........... sadly not everyone understands allergies. The level of 'common sense' is incredibly low - best not to assume anything.

The OP stopped her DD while she was eating it, that's what I took from the text.

My dd coeliac she always ytook her own food to parties except when I knew host well eg she had eaten there previously and knew for sure they would cater. People dont understand and you can no t rely on them . If your dd has such violent reaction you need to send her to parties with a tuperware with her own food and instructions to host she is not to eat anything else.

Lesson learned for future. You don't want people saying dont invite Dora s dd the mum gets crazy....

If I was the host I'd be pretty shocked at you!
Why didn't you just stay?... Even if your dd didn't want you to, surely her health comes 1st?
You seriously can't expect someone elses mum to deal with it, when she's prob been stressing about organising a party in the 1st placr?
How old is your dd?

Really?! Really?!

To be fair, you'd expect someone old enough to have school age children to have a basic amount of common sense (though it often doesn't work that way.)

You have to be a serious idiot to know that a child coming to the party has a nut allergy, and then serve up two different cakes with nuts in them! But I do agree that if your child has these special needs, you'll be much safer assuming that everyone around you is an imbecile until they prove otherwise!