Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with this party host?

151 replies

DDDDDORA · 22/03/2015 21:28

DD has a mild nut allergy, eating certain nuts makes her very physically sick.
Dd got invited to a party When I replied to the invite (via text) I made sure I put that DD had nut allergy, got a reply acknowledging the allergy and saying that they wouldn't be having foods with nuts in.
So today I drop DD off (DD is of an age where she doesn't want me to stay at parties), say a quick hello to the host and remind them of the allergy, to which they say don't worry there are no nuts in any of the food.
I arrive to pick DD up about 10 mins before the end of the party, to find that cakes and biscuits being put on the table. I take a look to see what's there is and find that bakewell tarts and walnut cake are on offer.
I quickly stop DD from eating any and ask the host if she realised that she had put cakes out containing nuts, to which she replied what she can't even eat cakes with nuts in?
I was flabbergasted and said no nothing with nuts and she has an allergy to which she said well that's massively inconvenient for me, my kids love these cakes.
DD and I left at that point as I was so shocked.
My poor DD has been vomiting for most of the evening, i'm raging right now.
Sorry just needed to vent at the stupidity of this host.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/03/2015 21:51

You should have stayed if it was that bad.

Janethegirl · 22/03/2015 21:51

The parent holding the party did not consider walnut cake might have had nuts in it wtf The clue is in the word nut
Sorry OP much as I'd like to say you shouldn't need to stay at a party with your dd I think you should as the parents seem to be totally incompetent.
I think you will need to wait till your dd is a bit older and more capable of looking out for herself:
It's a shame that other adults can be such utter fuckwits Grin

nocabbageinmyeye · 22/03/2015 21:51

How old is your dd op?

Furyfowler · 22/03/2015 21:51

Yes, really twinkle!... What's so shocking about expecting op to look out for her own child's health and not rely on someone else?

26Point2Miles · 22/03/2015 21:53

Bakewell tart and walnut cake is not the usual party food you'd find at a kids party is it people??

Hmm
Fleecyleesy · 22/03/2015 21:54

I've had a child dropped off with an epi pen. I nearly crapped myself with fear (did not know in advance). Also nut allergy. I didn't have any nut products (stupid things to serve at a party anyway, why would you take a risk like that completely unnecessarily) but was vv careful to make sure she didn't go near anything that says stuff like it was produced in a factory where nuts are etc.

ARoomWithoutAView · 22/03/2015 21:54

furyfowler I do not agree with your approach at all. Bordering on reckless. I was very clear that if I was the OP I would have attended. But if I was the host and was told that a child had an allergy I would f* bend over backwards to ensure that child was safe. Unless I lacked the capacity, but I don't think that is the case here. To say it was 'inconvenient' for the host is a massive statement of her character and attitude in my opinion.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/03/2015 21:54

Twinkie... the 'Really, really' is getting old and tired now and it's quite rude.

OP... if your daughter gets that ill from nuts then she's going to have to learn to ask the questions herself and police her own eating; otherwise she'll have to forego parties or you'll have to attend with her.

Samcro · 22/03/2015 21:55

good grief
op you should have just stayed.

Ragwort · 22/03/2015 21:56

The host might have put those items out for other adults not children and yes, I know that it's not appropriate but loads of people just don't understand allergies.

drbonnieblossman · 22/03/2015 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/03/2015 21:57

We don't even know it was the cakes.

She might have been.sick from.a "may Contain" or from cross contamination of the food from home. I have nuts and seeds in my cupboard and I could do nut free easy but i couldn't promise completely safe.

depends ding on severity it's the child's parents responsibility to be absolutely clear. not putting cakes out with nuts surely isn't enough in the case of an allergy.

absolutely too much responsibility to put on someone who's supervising many other children all of which will likely be pulling her in many directions wanting drinks or shoeing to toilets or tying laces or helping clear up a spillage etc.

no need for the attitude of "it inconvenient" absolutely but don't dump and run if a slip up could make your child sick and your child can't choose safely herself yet

TwinkieTwinkle · 22/03/2015 21:59

Pretty shocking that a parent would acknowledge a guest having a nut allergy and then serve food that literally has nut in the name! The hosts knew they were serving food with nuts and knew there was a child attending with a nut allergy, they should have spoken to OP to make her aware. That way she would have decided to stay! If my son had a nut allergy I wouldn't think I had to stay with him at a party, if the parents were aware he had an allergy. They were negligent, stupid and rude.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/03/2015 22:03

Also nut allergy. I didn't have any nut products (stupid things to serve at a party anyway, why would you take a risk like that completely unnecessarily)

right but you'd serve cheese sandwiches, pizza, cakes, when they contain eggs and dairy and soya and wheat.

oh and strawberry?

tomato also on pizza.

don't play superior regarding nuts when your buffets are chocka with deadly allergens also

TwinkieTwinkle · 22/03/2015 22:03

Twinkie... the 'Really, really' is getting old and tired now and it's quite rude.

Well it was the first time I've said it and I've never noticed it before on MN. I have also seen literally 100s of ruder replies than that on threads. I was gobsmacked and startled by someone's response, I replied like I might have in real life.

Viviennemary · 22/03/2015 22:03

I don't think either of you behaved very reasonably tbh. If your DD responds very badly to nuts it would be better she avoids parties until she knows exactly what she can and can't eat or the host is prepared to vet all foods carefully. You can't rely on people who have to entertain and feed a number of children to keep a careful watch on what one child eats.

Lindy2 · 22/03/2015 22:05

A lot of people don't really understand allergies if it doesn't directly effect them. DD1 had a dairy intolerance when she was younger. She outgrew it at around age 6 but in that whole time my MIL never fully grasped that it was not just a drink of milk she had to avoid. She was surprised each time we said no to things like cheese, ice cream, chocolate etc. (even Dairy Milk chocolate with a picture of a glass of milk on it was beyond her grasp!).
I stayed at parties to keep an eye on the food. I usually didn't bother the host about it, they have enough to do. DD would simply eat what was on offer without dairy in it. Even at age 4 or so she would be able to say no to things like yogurt herself and explain it made her itchy.
I would suggest you stay at parties to check the food your DD choses and help her make appropriate choices. Why would she eat something containing nuts if she knows it makes her sick,?

rollonthesummer · 22/03/2015 22:05

How old is your child? Either they are old enough to know what they can or can't eat and can be left, or they're not.

Springtulip · 22/03/2015 22:05

Of all the cakes to choose from the host decides to put walnut cake out. Apart from anything else it just seems a strange choice for a children's party.
YANBU, the host must have reassured you enough for you to be happy at leaving her. How were you to know she wouldn't realise that when you said your DD had a nut allergy she wouldn't realize that a walnut cake may contain errr......nuts.

RJnomore · 22/03/2015 22:06

Oh heck I would obviously think walnut cake = nuts but I could forget about bake well tarts. Or batten burg.

Furyfowler · 22/03/2015 22:07

Oh ffs..... It's a mum throwing a birthday party for her kid. She doesn't have to be clever or clued up on every fucking allergy under the sun! It certainly isn't her responsibility to look after the health of someone elses child! Yes she was stupid for serving cake with nuts in, but she sounds stupid for not realising there were nuts in it.... Therefore it is the ops responsibility to know that she can trust the person who is looking after the childs health.

HSMMaCM · 22/03/2015 22:07

The party host indicated they were fine with the nut allergy, so why would op have to stay? If they were worried, they could have asked op to stay just in case.

ARoomWithoutAView · 22/03/2015 22:09

That's what at least one poster has said tulip
Whilst at face value, I can see that both the host and the OP both have a very clear duty of care (and actually 90% of posters wrongly seem to assume that only one person does - but that is modern life I guess...blame someone else), there is something a little odd about the post.

Nowfeeltheneedtopost · 22/03/2015 22:10

How old is your child? My DD has an allergy and has been able to understand the need to question (and the likelihood that she won't have party food) since she was about 5. I think you are BU for leaving your DC if they didn't have the capability of explaining themselves about their allergy.

PrettyFeet · 22/03/2015 22:10

My son has a nut allergy and epi-pen. I see it as mine/and his responsibility to make sure he doesnt eat these things. Never ever would I be cross about a host at their party having such foods.

Get over yourself OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread