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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't pay?

516 replies

WhinersAreWeners · 22/03/2015 18:35

My friend and I have boys the same age, who share a hobby and attend the same group related to it. Over the last few years we've taken them to various independent events to do with it. The latest was yesterday. I saw it advertised, told her my boy was going and she said hers would too. It was some distance away and an all day event so we decided to drive the boys, then go off shopping & for lunch etc. The tickets for said event were £20 each. Friend was fully aware of this, knew it was pay on the day. No issues there.

So yesterday we get there, friend has no cash so I pay for both boys and she says 'I'll give you the money when we get to town' I think nothing of it. Later we're having lunch, Friend receives call from the place saying son wants to leave. We go back, they say he won't participate, sulking etc. friend chats to son who is basically petulant and moody & says he didn't get put on the team he wanted to be on so wants to go. Causes a scene. Friend takes him home.

This morning I recieve a text. Saying 'off on holiday to day- just to let you know, won't be paying for yesterday as son didn't enjoy it'

Now, she knows I've already paid for her son. She's not short on cash. I think that's really rude to expect me to foot the bill??? I know I told her about it but I didn't invite son and make her think I'd pay??

Don't get me wrong- it's not that big of a deal- it won't make me stop the boys seeing each other or anything. But I do think a bit less of her? Aibu?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/03/2015 18:37

She will never pay you £20. So she can pay a great whacking fine to the school. Out of her FB, too, so everyone knows what a freeloading scheister she is.

annielouise · 23/03/2015 18:37

I can't believe the cheek of her. Do any of the suggestions above but add something along the lines "Btw, going to arrange a lunch with the gang. I'd hate for this to come up/out obviously... but it's such a juicy story I might not be able to resist :)." It would not bother me one jot if I lost her as a friend or had to tell everyone in our circle.

XiCi · 23/03/2015 18:38

I love limitedperiodonlys reply

Surefire way to put the dampener on her holiday Smile

I think any further demand for the money will fall on deaf ears so the threat of humiliating her is likely to be far more effective

expatinscotland · 23/03/2015 18:38

Nah, don't threaten her. Just go to teh school now she's away and out her to everyone whilst she's gone. Show them the texts.

TouchOfNatural · 23/03/2015 18:42

Un.believe.able

bialystockandbloom · 23/03/2015 18:43

What an awful cow she is. I'd reply:
"you seem to have misunderstood. I wasn't paying for your son, I lent you the money. If you want your money back, take it up with the event people. You still owe me £20. Not because I'm short for cash, but because you borrowed it from me and haven't paid me back yet. Enjoy your holiday"

limitedperiodonly · 23/03/2015 18:43

But it looks like she's not going to give the money back.

OP can't do anything but ask, and she has asked. In her shoes, people winding me up with what I could and should have said would make me feel worse.

The £20 is most likely gone. Luckily it wasn't more.

The only redress she has is to say one more time: pay up or I will have nothing to do with you and I will warn our friends and acquaintances about you.

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 23/03/2015 18:45

Shock just Shock

expatinscotland · 23/03/2015 18:46

I agree, limited. The £20 is gone. So let her know the friendship is over. If you're so inclined, let her know, too, that you'll tell everyone and the school. I would just do it. Fuck her.

BrockAuLit · 23/03/2015 18:47

"I am not stuck for cash. I just don't want to be taken advantage of. I lent you £20 for admission for [boy's name] because you were stuck for cash. I did not offer to pay for [boy's name] admission. If you have any problems with the event, take it up with the venue. It is absolutely not my problem, and I have neither the time nor the inclination to sort this out for you. I don't want to have to ask you again please, I have far too much to do than continue to chase this up. Please repay this money to me at the next [meeting of the hobby in question]. Thanks."

miniavenger · 23/03/2015 18:48

What a cheeky cunt. The money is gone OP, now is the time to ditch her and tell her exactly why. After you've loudly announced the pisstaking to others of course.

TheSingingMonkey · 23/03/2015 18:49

I really hope you're going to send a bloody good reply OP. I cannot believe the nerve of her!

StrawberryTot · 23/03/2015 18:50

Your friend is a dick!!
I hope you get the money back.

KERALA1 · 23/03/2015 18:53

Ooh I hate being the payer and so often am. Organise something - I pay then have to recover the money and somehow, don't know why, but I am left feeling like a money grabbing chaser.

Paid for an event recently which was only £5 pp which admittedly is not much but nobody paid me back so I was actually £50 down. Ended up having to text everyone to ask for repayment and felt like a real scabber asking for £5 from people. Still as OP has learned no good deed goes unpunished!

TheFullGammon · 23/03/2015 18:55

Ugh, what a horrible human being. I like TRexingInAsda's : "Well I didn't lend the organisers £20, I lent you £20 and I want it back from you. If you want a refund, you ask them yourself, but you owe me £20 whether you get a refund from them or not"

Definitely don't say you don't need the £20 in any way shape or form. She will take that bit out of context, say "cheers sucker!" and ignore the rest.

I hate to say it but your DH was spot on.

NadiaWadia · 23/03/2015 18:56

'I think you are a bit confused. I lent you £20 and now I need it back. I didn't offer to pay for your son to go to the event, and didn't force him or you to go.

It's a pity your DS didn't enjoy it, but whether he did or not that is certainly not my responsibility. You could take it up with the event organisers if you're not happy. But I'm sure if you think about it you will see it is unfair to expect me to be out of pocket. I'll be expecting the £20 back asap'.

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/03/2015 18:58

She wouldn't have got a refund already, because she has no receipt, she didn't pay!

Sod her. Find a way to let the school know she's on holiday in term time. If they fine her, it will be more than £20...

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/03/2015 18:59

She has no intention of paying that money back, so just forget it.Think about how you can help her with her karma Wink

MaidOfStars · 23/03/2015 18:59

I don't even think she's being a bit of a cheeky chancer, stretching a situation to her advantage with a wink and a promise of 'I'll sort it next time' or similar.

She's taken two unrelated facts - she owes you £20 + her son didn't enjoy what she spent £20 on - and smooshed them together to come up with a completely arbitrary solution.

She can't see that they are unrelated. I doubt she realises the ludicrous proposition she's made. Can someone be cheeky if they are too thick to see what they are doing?

LittleBairn · 23/03/2015 19:08

I would put it to her that its her that must be struggling financially. That she never had any intention of paying hence she turned up with no cash to an event she knew in advance had an entrance fee.

Eminybob · 23/03/2015 19:09

Omg I am Shock

I would send her a copy of this thread. The cheek of some people.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 23/03/2015 19:09

Shop her to the school! That'll learn her.

Original poster
WhinersAreWeners · 23/03/2015 19:13

Thanks everyone. The only upside to her being such a cheeky cow about it is that I now have now qualms about losing her as a 'friend' In fact I'll be actively not involving her in anything going forward.

Thanks for all of he ideas re replies; they emboldened me!

So I replied:

I'm not short on cash, as I know you aren't. If you were Id have less of a problem in paying for sons activity, but even then I would still expect to be asked! There's no way I will be requesting a refund from event as I feel that it's not their place to do it, if you buy cinema tickets but don't like the film you wouldn't ask for your money back. And how you feel ok allowing me to pay for it is just beyond me. Id like the money back if for no other reason than the way you have behaved regarding this has been awful.'

To those asking about the holiday in term time, her parents and her husband are having the kids for a week... She's gone away with her sister.

I'm not sure she'll respond. I'm not bothered about the money I just don't want her to feel she's got away with it. My DH often sees her dh at the gym, he wants to mention it to him- what do you think?

OP posts:
QueenBean · 23/03/2015 19:14

I think you sound lovely but that text was far too soft - I think she's trying to walk over you and your softly softly approach is suggesting to her that you're letting her do it

You could definitely be more firm

Pipbin · 23/03/2015 19:16

The actual money is not the point really is it. It's the principle.