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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't pay?

516 replies

WhinersAreWeners · 22/03/2015 18:35

My friend and I have boys the same age, who share a hobby and attend the same group related to it. Over the last few years we've taken them to various independent events to do with it. The latest was yesterday. I saw it advertised, told her my boy was going and she said hers would too. It was some distance away and an all day event so we decided to drive the boys, then go off shopping & for lunch etc. The tickets for said event were £20 each. Friend was fully aware of this, knew it was pay on the day. No issues there.

So yesterday we get there, friend has no cash so I pay for both boys and she says 'I'll give you the money when we get to town' I think nothing of it. Later we're having lunch, Friend receives call from the place saying son wants to leave. We go back, they say he won't participate, sulking etc. friend chats to son who is basically petulant and moody & says he didn't get put on the team he wanted to be on so wants to go. Causes a scene. Friend takes him home.

This morning I recieve a text. Saying 'off on holiday to day- just to let you know, won't be paying for yesterday as son didn't enjoy it'

Now, she knows I've already paid for her son. She's not short on cash. I think that's really rude to expect me to foot the bill??? I know I told her about it but I didn't invite son and make her think I'd pay??

Don't get me wrong- it's not that big of a deal- it won't make me stop the boys seeing each other or anything. But I do think a bit less of her? Aibu?

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/03/2015 19:17

I wouldn't shop her to the school.

Chalk it up to experience and cut her out, she's a twat.

MaidOfStars · 23/03/2015 19:18

I think you're giving her wiggle room still. You've presented the idea as you paying for it, which means you are responsible for any refunds.

You lent her £20 - her repayment contract is with you.
She spent £20 on an activity her son didn't like - her refund dispute is with organisers.

That she didn't actually touch the £20 between you lending it and her spending it is completely irrelevant.

justbatteringon · 23/03/2015 19:20

Oh good I can't believe the cheek of her. If your dh is up for telling h er hubby then I'd let him. If she replies another wishy washy pile of crap. Tell her to wise up and give you the money back!

BrockAuLit · 23/03/2015 19:22

I think you've got your point across, seems like her attitude is more of a problem to you than the 20 quid. Suh a shame when this stuff happens, as it's bound to affect the kids. So unnecessary.

TheFullGammon · 23/03/2015 19:22

I hope you get some joy from that OP. I think you'd do better to keep it to "You borrowed £20 from me, I need it back." My worry is that by engaging in the argument of whether the event should refund you are leaving it wide open for her to say, "Your loss if you choose not to to pursue it with them." and consider the matter closed. You need to stick to the angle that she still owes YOU.

I would say yes to your DH's offer. You are £20 and a friendship down rightnow, what have you got to lose?

Groovee · 23/03/2015 19:28

Well you know in future not to tell her anything and if she pulls a stunt with no money again if you happen to be in the same place at the same time ignore her and if she asks reply "no, I only have enough for my child!"

M00nUnit · 23/03/2015 19:28

I think that was a pretty good response you sent OP (although I'd have been much more blunt - but you're obviously a much more sweet-natured person than me!). If you'd let her get away with bullying you into letting her keep your £20 I'd have been very annoyed! I hate it when people don't stand up for themselves. Yes I definitely think your DH should speak to hers - hopefully her DH will agree that she's been an utter twat!

gamerchick · 23/03/2015 19:31

If your bloke is willing to step in can he just sort it out with hers?

I'd be warning people she was a freeloader tbh.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2015 19:31

Definitely your DH should mention it to him. Absolutely. I would still keep her texts and I'd show everyone if you don't get it back. If anything so no one 'loans' her a tuppence anymore.

Be interesting to see how she responds but get rid of her at any rate. She's no keeper.

M00nUnit · 23/03/2015 19:31

I'm still mildly fuming about her "Didn't know you were so short of cash" comment to you - what a passive-aggressive bitch! (Think I'm a bit too invested in this thread...)

Nativity3 · 23/03/2015 19:35

She's outrageous. Hope she pays up!

CillaSlack · 23/03/2015 19:38

Does she like Greek Salad by chance? Hmm

Almostnever · 23/03/2015 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snice · 23/03/2015 19:42

Still too wishy washy OP!

Try:

'I lent you £20. Are you refusing to pay it back?'

SauvignonBlanche · 23/03/2015 19:43

Grass her off to anyone who'll listen!

ImperialBlether · 23/03/2015 19:44

Greek salad?

MinceSpy · 23/03/2015 19:49

OP you've been 'had' but you already know that. You won't get the £20 back and her son will lose a friend. I'd push harder for my money back but with no expectation.

lottieandmias · 23/03/2015 19:53

This woman is not your friend - she's a morally bankrupt user. I would delete her from your life. You lent her this money in good faith and now she thinks she can walk away and stick you with the bill? Disgusting...

lottieandmias · 23/03/2015 19:57

Alternatively email her this thread

PegLegAntoine · 23/03/2015 19:57

Ugh what a cheeky mare

ohdearitshappeningtome · 23/03/2015 19:58

Omg how rude is she

GoofyIsACow · 23/03/2015 20:17

OH MY GOD!! I am utterly enraged on your behalf! Definitely get your DH to mention it and I agree your reply has given her wiggle room, you are being too soft OP.

Disclaimer - I am the softest bastard I know! Hate confrontation!

stonecircle · 23/03/2015 20:33

How bizarre!! If she'd had cash on her when you arrived presumably she would have paid for her son. If that had been the case, would she now be demanding you reimburse her? I don't think so. So why on earth does she feel she doesn't have to honour the debt now???!!!

Discounted · 23/03/2015 20:34

I think your response was fine OP. No point trying to do anything else, it's only going to wind you up and will be water off a duck's back to her. You won't see the money no matter how firm you are.

I wouldn't be able to stop myself mentioning it to the biggest gossip at the school gate though.

Glitterkitten24 · 23/03/2015 20:41

Omg!! The lack of social awareness or manners if some people never fails to amaze me on mn!

I think your second text was on the money.