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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't pay?

516 replies

WhinersAreWeners · 22/03/2015 18:35

My friend and I have boys the same age, who share a hobby and attend the same group related to it. Over the last few years we've taken them to various independent events to do with it. The latest was yesterday. I saw it advertised, told her my boy was going and she said hers would too. It was some distance away and an all day event so we decided to drive the boys, then go off shopping & for lunch etc. The tickets for said event were £20 each. Friend was fully aware of this, knew it was pay on the day. No issues there.

So yesterday we get there, friend has no cash so I pay for both boys and she says 'I'll give you the money when we get to town' I think nothing of it. Later we're having lunch, Friend receives call from the place saying son wants to leave. We go back, they say he won't participate, sulking etc. friend chats to son who is basically petulant and moody & says he didn't get put on the team he wanted to be on so wants to go. Causes a scene. Friend takes him home.

This morning I recieve a text. Saying 'off on holiday to day- just to let you know, won't be paying for yesterday as son didn't enjoy it'

Now, she knows I've already paid for her son. She's not short on cash. I think that's really rude to expect me to foot the bill??? I know I told her about it but I didn't invite son and make her think I'd pay??

Don't get me wrong- it's not that big of a deal- it won't make me stop the boys seeing each other or anything. But I do think a bit less of her? Aibu?

OP posts:
DiDiddlyIDi · 23/03/2015 07:29

*has

AlpacaPicnic · 23/03/2015 07:35

Well, I certainly wouldn't be inviting her or her son to any events again. And I would tell her why.
It's as if, in her head, it's not her responsibility because you issued the invite and arranged it

Goid luck!

jaynebxl · 23/03/2015 07:42

Any reply yet? If not she needs to pay for the next event and you can refuse to reimburse her.

wetsnow · 23/03/2015 07:46

Wow cheeky cow! Hope you get your money back!

WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/03/2015 07:55

What a rude so and so!

TheRestofmylifeiswaiting · 23/03/2015 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bananayellow · 23/03/2015 08:44

Don't let this drop until you have that £20 in your hand.

bananayellow · 23/03/2015 08:46

Did you and your ds have to leave early too? So she expects you to pay her ds's share and you didn't get the full value of your ds's £20 either?

Turn the tables on her. Ask her to pay the full £40 as it was her fault you wasted your money.

AuntyBrenda · 23/03/2015 09:23

Any reply from her?

WhinersAreWeners · 23/03/2015 09:39

Thanks everyone. My husband agrees with those of you who think I should have been firmer, but I kind of hoped that this way would solve it without having to go there, if she still comes back with a no then Im going to reply a little tougher!

I know bafana it was the unprompted text by her that caught me off guard! It wasn't wven as if I'd text her about it and she replied that way- just sent it off her own back!

Haha badlad my husband said the exact same thing. He said if it was one of my friends it go like this:

'Here, I want that 20 quid back mind'
'Well I don't think I should pay it?!'
'You taking the piss? There's no way I'm paying for your kid! Don't be such a dick'

No pipbin I haven't mentioned anything to ds.

It's annoying me that he hasn't repord. I suspect she might not until she gets back off holiday then just act like the whole things hasn't happened...!

OP posts:
WhinersAreWeners · 23/03/2015 09:40

Sorry, what awful typos. I'm on a very bumpy train!

OP posts:
yellowdinosauragain · 23/03/2015 10:03

If she doesn't reply then ignores the issue once back from holiday my next course of action would be to ask her loudly and in front of several other parents in the school playground 'hi x, do you have the £20 you owe me for the activity I paid for your son to attend on x date please?'

Force her to say in front of others that she isn't going to pay so you can ask her, in public, why she thinks it's fair that you're out of pocket. And if she blusters and tries to fob you off, pin her down to a date when she'll give you the money. And repeat, in public, as often as necessary.

BadLad · 23/03/2015 10:42

I wonder if this woman is the OP on the narked at being asked to pay 20p back thread.

Whatisaweekend · 23/03/2015 11:42

I don't know how some people can live with themselves. Shameful behaviour to refuse to give you the money. If she continues to refuse, I would have nothing more to do with her - she has a bad character.

Clutterbugsmum · 23/03/2015 11:43

She went out with you on that day fully expecting YOU to pay for everything.

She expected you to pay for her child, you to pay for her lunch. Otherwise she have had some money/credit card on her.

Don't take no for an answer, make sure you get your money back. And don't take her son out again unless you have the money up front first.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 23/03/2015 11:47

ShockShockAngry

spidey66 · 23/03/2015 11:55

If I was the friend and (genuinely) forgot to go to the cashpoint first, I would've paid with my debit card. I mean even corner shops and independent coffee shops take debit cards, I can't see why a big venue wouldn't.

Even if they didn't, or the machines were out of order, it's still her responsibility to get the cash to you.

The cheeky cow's probably wanting the cash for her holiday.

MintyChops · 23/03/2015 11:56

So, so cheeky and ill-mannered. Do stick to your guns OP and of course keep us posted!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/03/2015 11:58

Get your money back and distance yourself from her. She is not your friend. And encourage your son to find new friends too. People who are users normalise that behaviour to their children.

purplehandgang · 23/03/2015 12:28

Hope you get your money back.

Fleecyleesy · 23/03/2015 12:35
Shock Sounds like straightforward theft to me. Criminal & deserves a visit from police.
catsmother · 23/03/2015 12:41

I'm with Yellowdinosaur - I was going to suggest that if you have to send another text you 'accidentally' also forward it to your social group but her idea is much better. Shame the entitled cow and let her explain to an audience why she thinks you are somehow responsible for paying for something her spoilt brat child didn't enjoy.

kwerty · 23/03/2015 12:54

The brass neck of some people!
I was friends with someone like this; my DTs and her older DS were in school, she had younger DS at home. She wanted to go to john lewis which entailed trip to Milton Keynes for me , her and her DS (4).
She asked me to drive , which was about 40 miles each way, and she would pay for parking. Parking was free! OK she says, I'll get coffee. We had coffee and she paid, her DS had a drink she had brought with her.
We shopped and decided to have lunch before driving back. 'I paid for coffee, so you can do lunch!', says friend, piling plates high for herself and DS. Stupidly, I didn't argue.
Expenses for day; me - fuel and wear and tear on car, lunch with drinks x3
'friend' - 2 coffees.
And it was to get stuff for her, not me!
I learned my lesson.

pollyenta · 23/03/2015 12:58

you need to ask her explicitly why she thinks you should be out of pocket because her son didnt like the activity?

cheeky cow

glittertits · 23/03/2015 13:07

What a bitch! Do make sure you don't drop this!!