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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't pay?

516 replies

WhinersAreWeners · 22/03/2015 18:35

My friend and I have boys the same age, who share a hobby and attend the same group related to it. Over the last few years we've taken them to various independent events to do with it. The latest was yesterday. I saw it advertised, told her my boy was going and she said hers would too. It was some distance away and an all day event so we decided to drive the boys, then go off shopping & for lunch etc. The tickets for said event were £20 each. Friend was fully aware of this, knew it was pay on the day. No issues there.

So yesterday we get there, friend has no cash so I pay for both boys and she says 'I'll give you the money when we get to town' I think nothing of it. Later we're having lunch, Friend receives call from the place saying son wants to leave. We go back, they say he won't participate, sulking etc. friend chats to son who is basically petulant and moody & says he didn't get put on the team he wanted to be on so wants to go. Causes a scene. Friend takes him home.

This morning I recieve a text. Saying 'off on holiday to day- just to let you know, won't be paying for yesterday as son didn't enjoy it'

Now, she knows I've already paid for her son. She's not short on cash. I think that's really rude to expect me to foot the bill??? I know I told her about it but I didn't invite son and make her think I'd pay??

Don't get me wrong- it's not that big of a deal- it won't make me stop the boys seeing each other or anything. But I do think a bit less of her? Aibu?

OP posts:
Rightokthen · 24/03/2015 13:41

And I bet her sister has "lent her the money" for the holiday.
I hope she gets a lot out of it!

Take comfort in the fact you won't be her first Victim

MadamG · 24/03/2015 13:45

Does she have any real friends in real life?
What a way to treat people.
Good on you for calling her out.

Redoubtable · 24/03/2015 13:46

Don't engage. You're a reasonable person and she's not. Therefore you cannot "win".
In one way or another she's going to make sure you don't get that money back. Think of it as £20 for a lesson.

TRexingInAsda · 24/03/2015 13:51

She knows she's wrong, she wouldn't agree to pay otherwise, so there's no need to point out to her why she's wrong. Just text back ok or thanks or similar (and then decide how long to leave it before reminding her because she won't actually pay)!! I'd approach the dad at the school gate actually, and show him that text 'can I have my £20 back now please?'.

emotionsecho · 24/03/2015 13:53

Her "your not usually tight" comment actually means "I normally manage to manipulate you into paying for things, use your car/fuel etc., so I don't have to put my hand in my pocket, looks like you've caught on but I'm going all out to make you look petty/like the bad guy here."

Think I'd wait until I got the money and then send a final text along the lines of those suggested by other posters and I would never mention any events relating to the shared hobby of your sons again.

expatinscotland · 24/03/2015 14:04

I agree with Marking and Calleigh, no more contact until you have the money. Make sure your h mentions it to her husband, too, as she's liable to 'forget'.

Then, I'd let fly. 'So you're passive aggressive as well as a freeloader! I'm a poor relation and tight, anything to get out of paying your way. Glad I found out now. Goodbye.'

Then I would post all those texts on FB.

Pipbin · 24/03/2015 14:19

You could FB link this thread and say something like 'Can you believe the nerve of this woman?' and tag a number of friends including the woman in question. Your friends won't think that you were the OP but the woman will know it's about her.
She will either be shamed into giving you the money back or she will admit to it being her by complaining about you doing this.

UptheChimney · 24/03/2015 14:28

Don't engage, don't engage.

This is a moment for that mantra: Never apologise, never explain.

Just answer her latest text with "Thank you." And cease contact.

DiDiddlyIDi · 24/03/2015 14:31

I guess you already know this but she is a categorical waste of space, I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. If only she could read this thread. If you ever move away from the area, please print this and post thought their letterbox !

AdeleDazeem · 24/03/2015 14:54

As a PP already touched on; in her first message she confirmed she will not be returning your money. So she acknowledged that she was originally supposed to pay you back.

In her final message she implies that as you told her about the event invited her and her son to the event, you should pay. But she knew she hasn't simply been invited, if you'd invited her and her son she wouldn't have referenced repaying you!

sleeponeday · 24/03/2015 15:09

Link her to this thread. Seriously. So she can see exactly what her behaviour is, and exactly what sort of a person she is seen as being.

What an utter waste of oxygen she sounds. I'm so sorry for her poor kids.

gamerchick · 24/03/2015 16:06

Don't link her to this thread. They never end well for those involved no matter how entertaining it is for the masses reading.

gamerchick · 24/03/2015 16:08

And who the hell is Jon Ronson when he's at home and why is his name following me about? Hmm

DoJo · 24/03/2015 16:29

At least you have found out what she's like now, OP, when it was only £20. Imagine if it was an amount which would have taken it beyond that into seriously fucking outrageous territory? Doesn't bear thinking about!

(Jon Ronson in a journalist and author of some pretty interesting stuff IMO)

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/03/2015 16:34

Don't link her to the thread, I always think that is bad advice.

Get your money back and cut her out, she's a tit!

CunningCat · 24/03/2015 16:42

Text her 'I hope you have a shit holiday you fucking freeloader'

cookielove · 24/03/2015 16:54

I cannot believe the cheek of some people Shock

comingintomyown · 24/03/2015 16:55

Incredible isn't it how some people's minds work , still mustn't complain as it provides such original entertainment for us !

nauticant · 24/03/2015 16:57

Like gamerchick and others say, ignore the advice of sending her a link to this thread.

Also, you might want to avoid sending her abusive messages. It looks like you might get your £20 off her. If you can do that while occupying the moral high ground there's more chance that in the future she'll feel a sense of shame about this and you won't have given her the excuse to be all indignant about it.

ARoomWithoutAView · 24/03/2015 16:57

I hope she has an enjoyable holiday.
She will be pretty pissed off if she thinks she can get a refund for that.

SecondMrsAshwell · 24/03/2015 17:02

What you should have done is just let it lie.

Then, when the next hobby event happens you drive her and her son there like you did before. You let her get her shopping. In fact, let her get utterly loaded with stuff.

Then you ask her how she plans to get home, given that she isn’t getting in your car under any circumstances, until she pays the “fare” of £20.

That’s what I’d do… if I could drive.

PS: This is my first post.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 24/03/2015 17:17

"I told you about the event and you asked if you could join me. Your sons enjoyment of the event is therefore not my responsibility and I am baffled that you somehow think I should not be paid back. It's not about the money it's about the principal"

Prepare for damage control. She will twist this to the other parents.

sleeponeday · 24/03/2015 17:32

Don't link her to this thread. They never end well for those involved no matter how entertaining it is for the masses reading.

Yeah, you're right. Rage mist meant I wasn't thinking straight - it's just going to end badly if she does, probably with the OP made into the bad guy at the school gates.

bumbleymummy · 24/03/2015 17:35

I'm going to change my mind and agree with people saying don't say anything else until the money has been returned to you. Moral high ground and all that!

TalcAndTurnips · 24/03/2015 17:37

Hello SecondMrsAshwell. Flowers A fine first post to start your MN career - I like the car fare suggestion, although I doubt that OP will ever converse with the freeloader ever again in civilised tones. Grin

This is the thread that keeps on giving. I am utterly staggered that anyone could ever be so crass. That is one of the things I love about MN - the realisation that there are human beings out there who operate in a such a barmy fashion. I've led such a sheltered life. Confused

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