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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't pay?

516 replies

WhinersAreWeners · 22/03/2015 18:35

My friend and I have boys the same age, who share a hobby and attend the same group related to it. Over the last few years we've taken them to various independent events to do with it. The latest was yesterday. I saw it advertised, told her my boy was going and she said hers would too. It was some distance away and an all day event so we decided to drive the boys, then go off shopping & for lunch etc. The tickets for said event were £20 each. Friend was fully aware of this, knew it was pay on the day. No issues there.

So yesterday we get there, friend has no cash so I pay for both boys and she says 'I'll give you the money when we get to town' I think nothing of it. Later we're having lunch, Friend receives call from the place saying son wants to leave. We go back, they say he won't participate, sulking etc. friend chats to son who is basically petulant and moody & says he didn't get put on the team he wanted to be on so wants to go. Causes a scene. Friend takes him home.

This morning I recieve a text. Saying 'off on holiday to day- just to let you know, won't be paying for yesterday as son didn't enjoy it'

Now, she knows I've already paid for her son. She's not short on cash. I think that's really rude to expect me to foot the bill??? I know I told her about it but I didn't invite son and make her think I'd pay??

Don't get me wrong- it's not that big of a deal- it won't make me stop the boys seeing each other or anything. But I do think a bit less of her? Aibu?

OP posts:
CatsCantTwerk · 24/03/2015 10:19

Wow! The cheek of some people in just Shock

JainaProudmoore · 24/03/2015 10:19

What a cow! Don't let her walk all over you Whiners! Even though its just £20 you can't let her get away with it, she'll just end up doing the same to another poor bugger.

Also agree that you DH should get the money back from hers.

FromMeToYou · 24/03/2015 10:30

Please ask your DP to wait until there are a few other people around before he asks. That way if he also refuses at least everyone will get to hear about it at the gym too.

Don't you just wish this was a made up thread, the thought that there are real people out there with this attitude is too much to bear.

WhinersAreWeners · 24/03/2015 10:40

The reply has arrived. Warning...it's annoying!!

'Fine. I'll have dh give son the money to give to your son at school. Frankly though, it's also beyond me why you expect me to pay for an activity you invited son to in the first place- especially in the light that he hated it. Plus, youre not usually tight with money!'

I'm sooooooo angry.

Firstly. I didn't invite her son. I told her about it and she asked if he could come!

Secondly. It doenst matter if he didn't enjoy it!!!! It still has to be paid for.

Thirdly. I'm not being bloody tight!!!!!

Fourthly. Involving the kids?! Really? Sending £20 into school? Is that even allowed????

OP posts:
WhinersAreWeners · 24/03/2015 10:41

frommetoyou I wish it was a thread I was just commenting on! I'm in disbelief that it's happening in my life!!!

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 24/03/2015 10:44

After that latest text I would link her this thread. Seriously. Because it's one of the most unanimous I've ever seen on MN.

Pipbin · 24/03/2015 10:45

OMG - how does she even think this is OK?
The only way I would assume that a friend would pay would be if they said 'would your son like to come to? My treat.'

The children need to be kept out of this.

StayingSamVimesGirl · 24/03/2015 10:46

Answer - 'I am not tight with money - I just don't like being taken for a mug by cheeky chancers!'

pluCaChange · 24/03/2015 10:47

"Don't send the money to school! Wouldn't want yr DS to lose it and then you'd be down 40. lolz Just get your DH to give it to mine. All sorted!"

atticusclaw · 24/03/2015 10:48

"I'm not tight with money but you are and I think this is the end of our friendship."

TagineKaput · 24/03/2015 10:49

I'd be fuming with that, and probably reply with her own words back at her: "Frankly it's beyond me why you expect me to pay for an activity you decided to bring your son along to, especially in the light that he couldn't be bothered to stay long. You're not usually tight with money"

NynaevesSister · 24/03/2015 10:51

That should be your reply text "I didn't invite, I told you about the event and you asked to come. You were stuck for paying at the time so I helped you out on the understanding that you would cover it. Please give the money to me, I do not want this amount of money to be given to my son at school"..

badtime · 24/03/2015 10:53

I would actually reply with your first 2 points above:

^Firstly: I didn't invite [your] son. I told [you] about it and [you] asked if he could come!

Secondly: It doesn't matter if he didn't enjoy it!!!! It still has to be paid for.^

But I really enjoy calling people out on bad behaviour.

PivotPIVOT · 24/03/2015 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BirdInTheRoom · 24/03/2015 10:57

I would say, 'I never offered to pay for your son to attend - I lent you the money as you had forgotten to bring cash, on the proviso it would be paid back - doesn't matter if he enjoyed the day or not. There's only one person being tight here and it's not me! Please get DH to give the cash to my DH instead of to DS'

MackerelOfFact · 24/03/2015 10:58

"Hope you enjoy your holiday else I assume your sister is going to be paying twice..."

TheKnackeredChef · 24/03/2015 10:58

Sensible Knackered would say retire from the conversation with dignity and chalk it up as a win. Evil Knackered, on the other hand, would send the reply: "How very good of you. I'll be sure to tell everyone how generous you've been in the circumstances."

Bloody fruitcake. Thanks for a most entertaining thread though, OP.

JustNameChanged · 24/03/2015 10:58

Wow Shock the absolute cheek of this women! I would tell her to give it your DH though so it doesn't give her room to say well my Ds said he gave it yours so it's your DS fault you don't have it he must have lost it or lying to you

She seems like that type of person

BirdInTheRoom · 24/03/2015 10:59

Or pivot's response is perfectly to the point!

FenellaFellorick · 24/03/2015 11:00

Really better to text and say no. Dont pass it via the kids. If it gets lost i will still expect it from you. Better to put it in my account. Alternatively i will get my husband to ask yours for it when he sees him next if youd prefer.

PivotPIVOT · 24/03/2015 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamadothehump · 24/03/2015 11:03

Is she on FB? Let's get this bad boy to go viral Wink

HeyheyheyGoodbye · 24/03/2015 11:04

Dear god. The cheek of this one. I'd text back, 'And you're not usually one to rip a friend off,' but that probably wouldn't be helpful.

sweetheart · 24/03/2015 11:08

I think you should send her a link to this thread - perhaps then she'll think twice about how rude and cheeky she has been!

Kerberos · 24/03/2015 11:10
Shock

Utterly outrageous behaviour. Good that you'll get the money. And an early warning of a person who is not worth the bother of actual friendship.