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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't pay?

516 replies

WhinersAreWeners · 22/03/2015 18:35

My friend and I have boys the same age, who share a hobby and attend the same group related to it. Over the last few years we've taken them to various independent events to do with it. The latest was yesterday. I saw it advertised, told her my boy was going and she said hers would too. It was some distance away and an all day event so we decided to drive the boys, then go off shopping & for lunch etc. The tickets for said event were £20 each. Friend was fully aware of this, knew it was pay on the day. No issues there.

So yesterday we get there, friend has no cash so I pay for both boys and she says 'I'll give you the money when we get to town' I think nothing of it. Later we're having lunch, Friend receives call from the place saying son wants to leave. We go back, they say he won't participate, sulking etc. friend chats to son who is basically petulant and moody & says he didn't get put on the team he wanted to be on so wants to go. Causes a scene. Friend takes him home.

This morning I recieve a text. Saying 'off on holiday to day- just to let you know, won't be paying for yesterday as son didn't enjoy it'

Now, she knows I've already paid for her son. She's not short on cash. I think that's really rude to expect me to foot the bill??? I know I told her about it but I didn't invite son and make her think I'd pay??

Don't get me wrong- it's not that big of a deal- it won't make me stop the boys seeing each other or anything. But I do think a bit less of her? Aibu?

OP posts:
Humansatnav · 24/03/2015 07:02

What a cunt. Id have to out her on Facebook, to warn her next victim.

FingerBlastingFun · 24/03/2015 07:05

I was open mouthed reading that reply Shock

I can't believe her cheek, I'd be raging Angry

pluCaChange · 24/03/2015 07:18

She is soooo stupid. It's bad enough being that rude and tight, but in writing?!?

Idriscometome · 24/03/2015 07:21

I do think your reply was too waffly. Keep things simple and succinct!

I don't believe for a second that that some posters on this thread would have sent the hard-hitting texts they claim they would, but this is a good lesson in being firmer and to the point.

I'd have said: 'You owe me £20. I lent you the money - I was not actually paying for him to go. It's up to you to try to get money back from the event organiser, not me. I don't understand why you can't see that'

Rafflesway · 24/03/2015 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadLad · 24/03/2015 07:32

Who paid for lunch?

workadurka · 24/03/2015 07:41

The bloody cheek! I'd consider writing on her FB wall "just in case you aren't picking up texts, a little reminder of the £20 you owe me :)" or something. She might feel publically shamed into paying you...

ThatIsNachoCheese · 24/03/2015 07:43

I can't quite believe this! I can't understand how someone can be so brazen about getting you to pay for something and then refusing to pay you back. I would be livid.
I second dropping in to her DH and asking for it back and then sending her this:
"Put it this way, if it was the other way round would you not want paying back for the £20 you lent me? I just want you to think about it as you don't seem to be seeing how unreasonable you are. I lent you £20 and you're refusing to give it back. It's as simple as that and I find it quite sad that a friend would do that."

KatieKaye · 24/03/2015 07:44

Agree that texting her every day is the way to go.
As well as asking her DH for reoayment.
She's a con artist. No way should you subsidise her life or facilitate her. I'd make sure I didn't do any further favours re this shared interest. Let her make her own way to events etc and turn down any offers if lifts with a simple, "sorry,, I'm afraid you've shown me that I cannot trust you'

FeijoaSundae · 24/03/2015 07:44

There is little else more joy-sucking in this world than a miserable tight arse.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/03/2015 07:58

Bloody hell op I am just gob smacked at this woman's brass neck!!

Although you do have the satisfaction of a unanimous yanbu which is as rare as rocking horse shit!

You know you have to start laying hardball now don't you?

fairyfuckwings · 24/03/2015 08:55

To be honest, to those saying you're not being firm enough, it doesn't matter what you put in your texts to her. She has no intention of paying you back because she's a freeloader. The fact her son didn't enjoy it is just her excuse. If it hadn't been that it would be something else.

Whilst losing 20 quid is bloody annoying at least you're now aware of her attitude to money. I'd make damn sure all your mutual friends knew too!

Roussette · 24/03/2015 09:19

I am just gobsmacked that people would jeopardise a friendship for £20 (her I mean, not you OP)

Is friendship that cheap to some people? You said you've known her years as a friend. It must be very hurtful to realise that it's not been the friendship that you perhaps thought it was.

It hits hard when this happens. A long time ago, something similar happened with a Mum that I was friendly with and our children too. It initially was such a shock and nothing was ever the same again because I couldn't rely on her. People are odd.

Whatisaweekend · 24/03/2015 09:26

Just utterly gobsmacked at how vile she is. I really don't think she feels she will ever be seriously called on such behaviour as everyone else is too bloody polite. Well, I would really disabuse her of that idea and tell Everyone at school just what sort of person she is, showing the texts and everything. That way, when she returns from her jolly, she will be met with a wall of disapproval & no one will help her out again for fear of being taken for a ride. She is a grade a bitch!!

WhinersAreWeners · 24/03/2015 09:28

Thanks everyone. Im not so much hurt that the friendship has been called to question as I wouldn't have classed her one of my 'proper' friends just a friend through our kids. I'm just livid that I've been forced to drag something like this out over £20, as it's just not about the money it's the cheek of her that I just don't feel I can let go!!! But the thing that's irritating me is that I know she'll refuse to acknowledge that and be all 'it's only £20!' It's infuriating.

Part of me wants to just cease all contact, forget about the £20 and not engage with her further. But the other part thinks why should I? Give me the money back! Bitch!

OP posts:
Binkybix · 24/03/2015 09:29

OP I'd be spitting!! I can't believe people behave like this. Is your DH going to speak to hers?

WhinersAreWeners · 24/03/2015 09:33

Yes if he sees him at the gym he's going to say something along the lines of 'are you skint or something? What's going on with your dw not giving whiners her cash??' (Knowing they aren't skint!!)

OP posts:
FriendlyLadybird · 24/03/2015 09:33

I'd say:

Of course I'm short of cash. I'm short by precisely £20 because that's what you owe me.

Claiming the money back is your job, because it was your son who decided he didn't like the event. Personally I wouldn't have the cheek, but that doesn't seem to be a problem for you.

trulybadlydeeply · 24/03/2015 09:44

I think it will be great if your DH asks for the money from her DH (seeing as she is away on holiday and all that...) then you can send her a text saying
"Thank you so much for paying me back via your DH, and I really appreciate that you had a change of heart and saw that you were in the wrong".
She'll be livid!!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/03/2015 09:55

My gob is well and truly smacked here with this.

I'd go with what trulybadlydeeply suggests. Let the DH's get involved and send her a text message exactly as written. She will do her nut and it'll drive her crazy that even though she wasn't around and was clearly not going to repay you the 20 that you loaned her, you'll have your money back and you have just become wise to her tricks.

As an aside, who paid for lunch when your boys were at the event?

I would have walked her to an ATM after lunch but before going to collect Master McWhingyPants so that you knew you were getting your money back. Based on this scenario I have a strong feeling that you wont be as quick to loan anything out again (which is a pity as nice people are few and far between).

abuhamzamouse · 24/03/2015 09:59

Shocking behaviour. Has she replied to the text you sent yesterday evening OP?

SteppeAwayFromTheKeyboard · 24/03/2015 10:03

I am delurking to say
Shock Shock Shock

cannot believe the cheeky mare.

I would be tempted to keep chasing it, just because I wouldn't want her to think she can do this.
But I would keep texts short and to the point

'I didn't lend the venue £20, I lent you £20. You owe me £20. Please repay it. I am not your personal bank account.' etc

Definitely get dh to get it back through her dh, and then tell her.

badtime · 24/03/2015 10:10

If she does act like you are being petty - 'It's only £20!' - just say that if it is so unimportant and not worth getting bothered about, she has no reason not to give it to you.

I have met a lot of these pisstakers, and have had great success with this technique.

LatinForTelly · 24/03/2015 10:12

It is indeed shocking behaviour, and she has more front than Blackpool, but honestly, OP, I would let it go.

You'll give yourself a coronary if you continue to pursue her. Send her a final text along the lines that you're not going to waste any more emotional energy on her, but you've got the measure of her', put it down to experience, and keep her at a firm distance in future.

I've realised that when I start saying, 'it's the principle', it's often better just to cease engaging with fuckweasels any further.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/03/2015 10:16

I'd tend to agree that if she is coming out with "Well, it's only 20 quid!" then you should reply - "if it's only 20 quid you shouldn't have any problems giving it back then!"