What do you consider is a realistic age for having a last baby?

[GlitteringJasper]

Purely based on your own personal opinion?

What age is the 'cut off' in your mind for someone having their final baby?

Really interested to hear views on this!

Am dithering!

My cut off was 30.

I had children young and the idea was always to get back into studying by the time I was 35. I am 33 now with five children. I had my first when I was 18 so done everything a bit back to front but I always wanted to be done by 30 so I was still young enough to do the things I didn't get to do as a young adult.

Had my first6 days after my 37t birthday, expecting no 2 just before my 39th birthday, haven't quite ruled out no 3 yet so will be 40/41 when that one arrives, I think it depends how you conceive, no 1 took 4 months and no 2 about the same. Its a personal decision really, but I don't feel I was anywhere near ready or settled to have children much earlier

For me, 38. Almost a decade after my first dc and both DH and I were completely knackered. In an ideal world dc3 would have appeared 5 years sooner but that's not how life works out.

To the friend of the lady trying to get pregnant at 54 . Shock! Horror!
I was a grandma to two by that age.

That's just crazy. One of my grandchildren lived with me till he was five and even though he was an excellent baby it was still hard and being like a mum at that age was very, very difficult. I was knackered.

He's he here now. He still has his own room here. I love him to bits and he's no bother , in fact I would be very disappointed if he didn't stay one or more nights a month( not that I'd ever tell him of course ;-) . But your sixties are your time for you. To do all the things before old age claims you. Your last hurrah if you like and you do slow down. There's no doubt about it.

I'm sorry this lady feels like she needs a baby at that age. I don't know the circumstances, it may be a second relationship and she has older children or she's childless, each to their own but I know I can only do fun things with my grandkids because I can give them back and recharge my batteries in readiness for the next time.

I had my last at 40, which happily coincided with my personal cut off (we had secondary infertility and had agreed to stop trying at 40).

However, I'll never know whether I'd have actually been able to bring myself to go back onto contraception and close that particular door, and part of that was knowing several women who were having a grand time with pregnancy, birth and early childhood in their 40s.

I have no cut off in my mind for other people - that would be none of my business.

For me I had children at 29, 34 and 39 and now I am 41 and I think another pregnancy would probably kill me. So that's it.

But if I were better at being pregnant and my body wasn't such a mess, I would probably go on until about 43/45 max. I think I have had enough of babies though! Lovely as they are. They get big.

It was tough having our first in our twenties (v v unusual in our London centric mc university educated circles). However it does have its advantages. They are 11 and 8 now and I haven't felt remotely tired. We are really active as a family cycling, sailing, skiing. I do wonder how much of that we would be doing if we were 49 and 50 rather than 39 and 40.

I'm 38 and expecting DC3. No more after this one.

Before we started, we had 35 in our heads as the age we wanted to be done by. More for being able to get our lives and some freedom back before we were retiring! Had my first at 32, second at 34. Then spoiled it by having the third at 37.
I found the last pregnancy a lot harder going than the first two, plus the sleep deprivation tougher. On the whole I just feel generally knackered. But some of that is from having three, not necessarily age!
I'm 41 now and couldn't imagine going through it again.

I agree it's a personal thing and depends a lot on your circumstances. I'm expecting dc3 and will be 34 or 35 when it comes, depending how close to due date it is! This will be our last and works well for us.

Of course we all know of parents who have tragically died very young and others who had children later and lived long happy lives to their 80s/90s. But having lost my lovely dad when he just turned 50, having reached adulthood myself by then, I am so grateful he didn't have me any later!

Thank you to the poster who said they wouldn't judge someone fostering/adopting in their 50s so why judge someone getting pregnant in their 50s. Having words with my judgy self now.

I has my DS when I was 18 when no one I knew had kids. I'm now 37 (just) and EVERYONE has or is having kids. I always wanted more but have had 5 losses. But now my son is 18 nearly 19, I definitely have my freedom back. Difficult choices await. Do I do my 20s in my late 30s or keep trying for children? I think 40 would be my cut off point whatever my final decision.

I'd have to say 43 as otherwise I wouldn't be here...for me personally probably 40.

It's such a personal thing isn't it? And everyone' s circumstances are different. I had my first just before I was 31 and my second at 35 with a 4 1/2 age gap.

Despite having done it all before dh and I felt like we'd been run over by a steam roller in the first few months of dc2 - not helped by ds2 being the worst sleeper ever - to the point we are both agreed there will be no more. It's been much harder than we thought it would be.

Dh is a bit older than me and doesn't want to still be carrying small children on his shoulders at 50 - he says he would actually like to retire at some point too which I can understand. I'm 36 now and I don't want any more (much as I love my kids)

My cut off was 40 and I still feel that's about right. However, having spent several years trying for a third and several miscarriages before I decided to call it a day, I unexpectadly found myself pregnant and ds3 was born when I was 42. I had an easy pregnancy working in a very physical job until 34+ weeks. A planned c/s and found his babyhood a "piece of cake". It was so good I even considered trying for a fourth. I had always been lucky to have been blessed with endless energy and little need for sleep.

However a few years ago I developed some health problems and found working in a physical job and looking after him impossible so gave up work. I find caring for two teenagers (with mild s/n's) and ds3 quite hard going. Thankfully he is now 8 and so quite independent but financially and physically it is hard and I do worry that if anything should happen to me it would be very hard for him.

That said I wouldn't swap him for the world and I do my best to spend lots of time with him doing the things I can do rather than focusing on what I can't.

The other downside is that we have no Grandparents alive now.

Sometimes you just don't get a choice in it. When I was younger I wanted to be done by 26 (random number!!) but at that age I was waaaaay too immature to have coped. Fertility problems meant I had dt at 36. I didn't feel old & would liked to have had another, but it never happened.

My absolute cut off was 40. I 'think' we would've managed quite well with another, but I didn't want to inflict myself on them. My mum had me at 40 so by time I had mine was quite old, not so active and although dh & I have managed very well by ourselves, we do get a bit at people we know who rely solely on grandparents help for childcare, finances etc.. And yes, it is down to jealousy I guess. By the time my dts were toddlers they knew the run of the local hospital/GPs surgery due to fact I was constantly ferrying one or other parent there for appointments etc. In an 'ideal world' we all would have been born earlier, but well, we weren't!!

I think 45 at most. My friend had her last at 46 and found the teenage years, with her on a pension, very hard indeed.

40 was my personal cut off, and i had a little chat with DH 9 months before that to make sure he wasn't harboring hopes of another (in which case I could have been persuaded).

Now I am 40 I have moved the cut off to 42 (not that I want another but because I like to feel I still have options).

However dh is 4 years older Than me and had 40 as his cut off (dc2 born when DH was 40). He has a niece who was a teenage nightmare at that time and didn't fancy going through that at the age of 60!

For me, I'd like to have had all my babies by 32 ideally more like 28, meaning there could be a potential age gap of 12 years between my youngest and my eldest. I know, I must be mad, having them so young, but it's worked out for my partner and I incredibly well. My only goal in life has been to become a mother and it seemed silly to put it on hold for no apparent reason. For me, having children is something which should be done when you have the energy to do so if you're in a stable position - my aunt had her eldest at 45, her youngest at 47, and she struggles, massively - not so much when they were newborns but when they because active and now they're heading towards being teenagers. That being said, over half of the mums in my NCT class were over 40; two were actually older than my own DM - Needless to say, it was DP and I who were the odd ones out!
It's such a personal thing, and I think it depends from person to person but as a 'rule', I think 45 is fair.

Dowser "I'm sorry this lady feels like she needs a baby at that age. I don't know the circumstances, it may be a second relationship and she has older children or she's childless, each to their own but I know I can only do fun things with my grandkids because I can give them back and recharge my batteries in readiness for the next time."

She had multiple losses and stillbirths, from her mid 30s. Same husband throughout. She would LOVE to be a granny by now.

I guess it's a balance too early and the early years are really hard (parents still working ft, hard up as early in careers etc) vs teenagers as your physical strength and finances wane. Anytime in your thirties is probably fine or even 28-42. Which is a fairly wide windows.

Red, what was the recent news the 54yo, recently found was responsible for her stillbirths?

" I've really missed out not having any grandparents as an adult"
that's a good point. I'm lucky to have had three fully fit grandparents until i was 20. I'm 35 and one died fit and healthy till near the end a couple of years ago. the remaining one lives semi independently and is great for a man in mid 80s. it's definitely meant I could stay 'young' longer and hope my dc will have the same.

One of the main reasons for me to choose to be sterilised was because my mum had me at nearly 40, but she had two older children of 12 and 15. They really did have her best years and although she was loving and did her best , I always felt in the way a bit, as if every thing was too much trouble. When I was early teens she was going through the menopause and that was just too many hormones for us both to deal with. I had my last at 32 ( so not mega young myself) and vowed I wouldn't have any more later in life, purely because of how I felt with my own parents. But this was the sixties, I think times have changed a lot - but when I hear of women 50 + having them, I just think its a bad idea.

She has a protein missing and there's something wrong with her immune system.

I haven't read the full thread btw but I thought I would be finished by 40. I had my last at 42. I am tired but DS is great fun and his siblings adore him.

I would go with my heart. While considering becoming pregnant with my youngest my big question to myself was whether I would regret not giving it one last shot. DH didn't mind either way (which I took as a green light )