What do you consider is a realistic age for having a last baby?

[GlitteringJasper]

Purely based on your own personal opinion?

What age is the 'cut off' in your mind for someone having their final baby?

Really interested to hear views on this!

Am dithering!

only1 - thank you for your kind words - dreading telling people as we got so much negativity last time.

Thought DC3 was the last when I was 40!!

Thing is none of us knows how life will pan out. I know people who started young, expected to have finished the whole baby thing by say 30 (as a few have stated on here) but found themself in a new relationship and having a 2nd family in their late 30s/early 40s. I also know people who havent met Mr Right till mid 30s so find themselves older prima gravidas than they would have liked.

As for the dying before they grow up, can happen to anyone. I had a friend as a teen who lost her mum (who had her at 18) to cancer at only 35. My own DM was lucky to have both parents live to early 90s dying when she was 59 and 63. We should all do what suits our circumstances/relationships & support the decisions of others even if its not how we would have done it!

40
I'm 40 and it would be my worst nightmare to have a baby now
My eldest is nearly 18 so that age gap alone and the fact that he could father a child now puts me off plus I'm tired I could never cope with a baby now I hadmy last baby at 32 and it was soooooo different than when I had my first at 22

Love ....take no notice of any nasty comments ....just look at your wonderful family and smirk to yourself at their ignorance....

I did a thread last year I was beyond upset....out for Sunday lunch at our local pub and I overheard a vile old man say "bet she's one of those test tube babies ....it's just not fair on the kids is it with these old parents" ....he was talking about my dd. It really affected me at the time so I know how comments can hurt.

I just pity him and his family sat around him.

Oh only1 what a horrible thing for someone to say - I say 'live and let live' - why do people get so concerned with everyone else's business?

How old were you when you had your DD? I have 1DS and 4DDs - expecting my 5th DD, so as well as age comments I will have to listen to the - 'oh no not another girl, your poor son 5 sisters, bet you hoped for a boy etc' - heard it all and more last time.........

Love ....my sentiments exactly

I was 37 when I had dd she is now 4.5. I have had two MMC since at 40 and 41. Dp is 10 years older than me.

In my line of work though.... I'm part time now....there is a huge number of us who have had dc later. So to me its just the norm.

I would have loved a sibling for dd ....and after reading this thread....I may try again

And get some creative one liners stored up for any ridiculous comments

Mine was 39 (am now 40), but I have three children already.
I think if I didn't I may feel differently, but I'm glad that things are easier, three is enough children for me and I loved throwing away all the baby things.

only1 - my husband is 10 years older than me too but he only ever gets positive comments

I had a MC age 38, then went on to have another 3 - what will be will be but will never get over MC, it's hard. Good luck and best wishes in whatever you decide x

At 35 I did if course realise that there were risks of having a child with some sort of abnormality (I hate the term but use it for clarity) But decided that if that were the case we would cope .It was a little different at 39 going on 40 as I had had two mc in between-well one a blighted ovum picked up with a CVS .So I had an amniocentesis ,partly because I wasn't sure it would be fair to provide a sibling with special needs for my then nearly 4 year old daughter ,(especially as we would likely be dead by the time this baby reached 45 or so)This was 25 years ago before nuchal screening .Thankfully I didn't have to make a painful decision to abort .I still don't know if I could have done it .

Thanks love

to all mothers having to put up with 'comments' - it's funny how these decisions when/if to have a baby becomes up for public comment

I had DS4 just shy of my 44th birthday, he's just turned 5 and my 49th birthday is coming up - so far, I've not had any 'grandma' comments when out and about with him. And I know that I will not be the oldest mum at the school gate when he starts school in August.
I am fully expecting comments as he/I get older, but I truly feel that is the comment-makers problem and not mine. The alternative to taking the risk to try for him would've been to not try - and THAT risk in our opinion was too high to take.
So leap of faith it was.

I carry a chromosomal abnormality that independent of age gives me a 1:4 risk of carrying a baby with a rare trisomie that is not compatible with life. I thankfully never had to make the decision whether or not to terminate an affected pregnancy. I would have had to take this known risk at 25 or at 45, so the much smaller age-related increases of risk really seemed relatively bearable for me at the time.

And I think those who had their children much younger and say they 'couldn't cope' with being an
an older mum are speaking from a different perspective .I don't think I got more tired than my younger friends though it might have taking me longer to bounce back .And I had always wanted children and had begun to think I would never had any-met DH at 30. ,married at 32 , decided we needed a few years as a couple first.I was very lucky to have no problem conceiving though problems carrying . The joy they brought outweighed any exhaustion and I think I coped a lot better with many aspects of motherhood simply because I was older (though it was rather embarrassing being shown by an 18 year old in the next bed the best way to put a baby gro on a baby..,

My own father said I'd be getting called Grandma at the school gates. He and my mum had children at 21 and 23 so for him by the time he was my age his kids had left home - but he forgets that his OWN MOTHER had her youngest child when her eldest child was pregnant with her first!

And of course, now that DS is here he is a doting grandad and will be when the next one arrives too.

Life just didn't pan out the way I'd planned. I had always though I would be finished having children by 35 but I didn't meet DH until I was 30, got married at 32 and then struggled for five years to fall pregnant.

This is an interesting thread though as it shows how much personal experience influences your own opinion on what is too old. I'd like the OP to come back and tell us how old she is and whether she's made up her mind on whether to have another

I think sometimes it depends a lot on what age you had your first. I had dc1 at 27 went on to have three mcs and three more children my last was born 5 months ago I'm 37. I'm done now but only because I've spent 10 years being pregnant, giving birth, and having babies and I've had enough!
Saying that if I'd had my first at 37 I would probably squeeze a couple more in :)

I had my children at 23, 24 and just short of 43.
I got lots of Grandma comments but I know sometimes people assumed he was my DS1 or DD's child.
DS is 20 now and he quite often gets comments like 'Your parents are HOW old?'.
That wouldn't in itself be a reason not to have a late child though. He was a surprise and there was no possibility of us not keeping him. I just don't think I would deliberately have had a child at that age.

It's a personal thing. For me, it was 35.
But I also know Mums who were starting their families the same time I had decided mine was complete, so it depends on personal circumstances.

The reason not many DCs with chromonosonal abnormalities are born to women 35+ is because 90% of those who have a 'positive' diagnosis at amnio tfmr.

But people don't talk about this even to their friends. So peo

So people don't realise how common such a conception is.

They're still not very common, though. Not at 35. Think the baseline risk is something like 1 in 350.

And in any case, that is a separate argument, about the ethics/politics of termination for disability. Sure, it's one you have to think about more as your age goes up (though frankly not at 35 very much more) - but as I said upthread, anyone of whatever age who goes for a scan and hasn't thought through the possibility of an abnormality, and their options in this event, really needs to stop and consider this.

There was an article on this in the times today.

Op it wasn't you was it?!

I often think that, not on mumsnet but a forum in my country. I think, I read that two days ago. No, I wrote that two days ago.

That's true Jackie Harris. I have a friend and I'm sworn to secrecy because a mutual friend has a dd with DS. So it would be very problematic for them to discuss that. They must never I think.