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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you consider is a realistic age for having a last baby?

478 replies

GlitteringJasper · 21/03/2015 23:47

Purely based on your own personal opinion?

What age is the 'cut off' in your mind for someone having their final baby?

Really interested to hear views on this!

Am dithering!

OP posts:
PopTarts · 22/03/2015 00:17

I think anything past that is getting on. My mum was 43 when she had me and as a child growing up, felt it very difficult to relate to her. I still struggle with it at times.
I had my two at 24 and 28, I'm now 30 and am considering a number 3. Dh is 38 though, and I think he's getting on a bit now.

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2015 00:20

Blackbird, I have no problem with them staying at home, although it limits uni to London . It would be rent free living ( as it was for me at home whilst studying) but I do so want them to earn a living at the same time. Do you really think no student loans??
I hope you are wrong!!

guthriegirl · 22/03/2015 00:22

Had my first at 39, second at 43. I guess it's different for everyone. Having a newborn is tiring whatever age you are. For the record my pregnancies were straightforward as were the births.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 22/03/2015 00:22

My mum had my younger brother at 35. So in my head that's always been my cut off point. I'm nearly 33 with a 9 month old and I want one more before 35 which should be doable. (Hopefully)
In general about mid 40's I think.

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:25

My friend is having more ivf at 54. It wouldn't be my choice and I worry for her, but I also hope it works. For me personally, 46 I suppose. Based on nothing.

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2015 00:26

Wow, 54 is far too old to have a baby.

glittertits · 22/03/2015 00:28

The age is surely whenever you reach menopause?! Thats why it is there - the biological cut off point. Women pre menopause can cope, women post can't?

Am i missing something here?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 22/03/2015 00:28

I was 41. I would have liked for DS to have a sibling close in age, (the others are much older) but frankly, I was too knackered to contemplate it.

Isn't it actually pretty impossible to get pregnant over 45 without intervention?

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:29

The "biology" argument doesn't cut it if you've had fertility problems. Balls to biology then. Bring in science.

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:30

Mrsruffallo says who? She's fit and healthy but for some v tragic reasons it's never happened for her and this is her last shot.

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2015 00:32

Why did she wait until 54? And I say it's too old. at 60 with a 6 year old is odd.

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:33

She didn't "wait". She had repeated miscarriages and still births and only recently discovered why.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 22/03/2015 00:34

35/36

I've just turned 35 and couldn't imagine starting to have babies now.

ReginaBlitz · 22/03/2015 00:36

I'm 34 and on my last. 40s wow do people really want to be old mums? I started young and feel like ending old!

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:36

I was 40 when I had my youngest and Id hate for anyone to think I was too old. To be honest it's no one else's business is it?

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2015 00:37

Thought you said it was a choice. It is sad for her but sometimes you have to accept that it's not going to happen.

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:38

It's her choice to have the IVF.
I think it's easy to say "just accept it" if you're already a mum yourself.

Gennz · 22/03/2015 00:39

Probably 40 for me, but it's obviously different for everyone - level of education, career etc. If you spend 5 years at uni as I did you're unlikely to be looking to have kids at 22 or even 25.

I am 33 and just had my first 6 weeks after my 33rd birthday. I won't be having a second for a couple of years, and in the unlikely event I have a 3rd I'd be knocking on 39/40. We are late breeders in my faily though - mum had me 2 weeks before she turned 36 and my brother 5 days after she turned 39. My gran had her last (her 7th!) at 40 and her mum, my great-grandmother had her 9th at 45!!

Gennz · 22/03/2015 00:40

Yes I do want to be an "old mum" Regina Hmm Rather that than swap my freewheeling 20s looking after babies.

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2015 00:41

Yes, you are probably right. It does seem very old to embark in IVF whilst being post menopausal. I am sure your friend is lovely but 54 would be the age I was approaching retirement and I can't imagine being a new parent then.

Openup41 · 22/03/2015 00:41

I know several women in their 30's who have not met 'the one' yet and therefore have no children. They see their biological clock ticking each day and are anxious.

I am in my late 30's and although I am definitely 'done' I do not feel I am too old for more.

It is funny to think that my female relatives had their last children before the age of 30.

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:41

Yes yes! I needed the wild times of my twenties and thirties! Grin

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2015 00:42

A decade of wild times was enough for me (my twenties) wild times burn out fast.

Rednotpinkorgreen · 22/03/2015 00:43

Mrsruffallo I agree - I worry about how she'll be if it works and how she'll be if it doesn't. But I know I've never seen her happier because she has hope and who is anyone else to take that away?

Gennz · 22/03/2015 00:44

Yeah exactly rednotpink at least when I am being shat/vomited on and wearing leggings for the 100th day running I have memories of my misspent youth fab parties and overseas trips to mull over!!