What do you consider is a realistic age for having a last baby?

[GlitteringJasper]

Purely based on your own personal opinion?

What age is the 'cut off' in your mind for someone having their final baby?

Really interested to hear views on this!

Am dithering!

Gah, my message is really garbled. Multi-task fail, good job I didn't have kids.

I had dd(4) at 18, dh knows I won't consider having a baby after I turn 26.

I'd say 35

I say 41. However, I had my two at 33 and 35 and am looking forward to having a 7 year old and 5 year old when I'm 40. I don't think I'd want to go back to babies then.

Had my first at 37 and last at 40. Desperately wanted a third but with hindsight I think its probably best that we didn't. I was definitely more knackered 2nd time around having a baby and a toddler. I couldn't have coped with a third.

Down's babies

Can I just ask that people remember that referring to babies with Downs Syndrome as the above is quite insulting, and the it is usually preferred that you put the person first.

JackieHarris - yes many conditions are picked up, but many aren't genetic testing is a rapidly developing field, and the science is changing all the time. My son has had 3 types of genetic testing, and as yet the gene that causes his disabilities hasn't been pinpointed. But it is still thought he has a genetic condition. He is part of 2 studies, one of which includes 15,000 children with developmental conditions thought to be of genetic origin, where a diagnosis has not been found - despite genetic testing. An amnio would not identify these cases.

I am nodding vigorously at everything motherinferior, boffin and leedy are saying, and slightly horrified at how apparently knackered and past it people seem to think a 35 year old should be! Maybe get your iron levels checked if you are that shattered at 35! Although most who are saying how tired a later baby made them, follow it by saying the baby was a non sleeper. Well, I had my one and only in my 20s and he didn't sleep, hence I was utterly exhausted.
And YY to whoever mentioned the great myth of "these career women leaving it too late" most of my child free friends and family spent their late 20s and 30s trying to pin a man down to agreeing to start a family. It's the men who don't want to, because they think they can go on and have babies indefinitely!
And women have always had babies in their 40 s, it's not exactly new!
My nan was 46 or 47 with her last, she lived until 90 I think, and spent a lot of her 70 s caring for grandkids. My aunt is 63 and goes to gigs and clubs, cricket, swimming. Not everyone shrivels, loses touch with tbe world and has to be pushed around in a bath chair.
There is SO much barely concealed contempt for older women on here lately, mothers or not.

I think about 40 for me. I met my second DH at age 39 and felt I was a bit old to start another family with him. I think I would if he had been really keen, but as I have dd2 who has profound learning disabilities, I would have thought very hard about it. I think I would have been very tired.

There's a pretty good argument for saying why waste your energetic years on being knackered with kids - you might as well wait till you're an exhausted crone anyway.

I've always got tired v easily but in all honesty I'm not bone-crushingly weary 24/7 the way I was in my early 40s and had two small children. Ancient though I now am.

I think some people are very dismissive of older women in general and mothers in particular.

Not to mention downright rude. Creepy??! That's just unpleasant. I am going to dwell on the comment from a friend that "you're a great advert for late motherhood, I can't believe how long ago it was I went to your 40th" rather than that particular comment above!

It is not that long ago that women had children from their mid/late teens until whenever menopause struck.

We only have the luxury of having these anguished conversations due to the wide availability of contraception - not ideal contraception and not fail-safe, but a hell of a lot better than my great-grandmother had: 18 live births (who knows how many pregnancy losses), 5 of these children did not see their 5th birthdays, 3 died in WW1 and mother 2 in WW2. She lived to 96.

Nobody would've dared to dismiss her!

"The very high risks of giving birth to a baby with chromosomal abnormalities past 35 just seems to get frequently ignored."

What very high risks are those?

The risks are not "very high". The vast majority of women over 35 give birth to babies with no chromosomal abnormalities. Yes, the risks are elevated, but they move from very unlikely to a tiny bit less very unlikely.

Exactly, rallytog. As I said upthread, the baseline risks only get "high" into your 40s and even then the majority of pregnancies will not have a chromosomal abnormality. I think at 45 it's something like 1 in 25.

The risks over 35 yrs are "very high" comes from the same self-important school of statistics that says the reason women have children later is simply because they are too busy "partying" and older mothers look "creepy"

Those who think women in their forties shouldnt have babies because of the increased risk, i bet i can guess your opinion on disabled people with dominant disorders having babies at any time. Bet you wont admit it though

39

Exactly John. It also comes from the same school of statistics that doesn't understand that if you increase a tiny percentage by what sounds like a big percentage, you're still only left with a tiny percentage.

If a risk of something is 0.25% and you increase it by a scary-sounding 100%, you've still only got a risk of 0.5%. I've lost count of the number of otherwise intelligent people I've had to explain percentage increases to.

As I said earlier according to unique the charity supporting families affected by rare chromosomes disorders about 1\150 babies is born with a chromosome abnormality \ disorder but even if you have a chromosome disorder you can lead a perfectly ordinary life with no disabilities and not be affected by it but or even know about it but you have a 50% chance of passing on to any children you may have and they maybe hugely affected since my son was diagnosed I have met other families affected by chromosome disorders where a parent has unwittingly passed it on to their child the parent isn't affected or only marginally affected but their child is massively affected.

Thing is rallytog1, statistics mean nothing if you are that 1%, or even 0.5%, but someone has to be. & like it or not, the rates of miscarriage, stillbirth, & Down's syndrome do increase with age.

Well of course. I was the 1 in 1000 who got a serious and life-changing bladder injury during a c section. Of course lightning has to strike somewhere. But the point I was making is that the risks regarding 'older women' are often misunderstood or overstated.

Yes, I agree.

I think our opinion on this is very much based on our own, family & friends experiences. In my huge family (DF has 10 siblings, DM has 3 ) all of my aunts started their families in their early 20s and completed them by early 30s or sooner (although DMs sis had her surprise 7th at 43 & my paternal DGM had 11th at 40+). My parents had last DC at 28.
In my generation there has been a bit more variation, a few teen/early 20s mums but most having 1st baby 27-35ish. Most of my friends completed their family by early 30s & their parents were similar. None of my friends would plan having a baby at 35+( accidents do happen of course!) except one friend who is undecided about a 3rd (she's 42) whose own mum was 41 when she was born. Her sister was also an 'older' mum who had her kids at 38 & 41. So it is pretty normal in her family but not so much in mine. I had DS at 30, DTs at 33 and felt I was too knackered for anymore after that. For me personally i would not want to have one at 35+ although I know quite a few mums from school, kids activities etc having babies in late 30s early 40s so each to their own!

ifnotnow well said! As I said up thread, I am nearly 48 and expecting my 6th but I certainly don't feel old and tired out - I eat a healthy diet, exercise daily and hope I've still got half my life still to live - you are as young as you feel

Love

I read your earlier post ....just lovely and all the best with your newest addition....will this dc be your last?