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AIBU?

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Original poster

What do you consider is a realistic age for having a last baby?

478 replies

GlitteringJasper · 21/03/2015 23:47

Purely based on your own personal opinion?

What age is the 'cut off' in your mind for someone having their final baby?

Really interested to hear views on this!

Am dithering!

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 22/03/2015 23:12

Claerly 'should start' rather than 'shiuld strat' Smile

Postchildrenpregranny · 23/03/2015 01:25

I sometimes joked with my DDs that they should have chosen younger parents-usually when huffing and puffing up and down stairs at Uni halls/flats (thankfully have done the last of those moves) . I don't think they think of us as being 'old' though . Having them didn't unduly affect my body;I've always had lots of energy and stamina and I think it's energising having youngsters around . It stops you falling into a middle-aged perspective on life too . Ideas and attitudes get challenged . I am fortunate in having always looked younger than I am and people assume I'm younger because of the ages of my children. And I'm not allowed to dress like an old lady either(beige and ugly shoes strictly forbidden). Bit of a cliche, but they keep you young . And I reckon we have at least another 15 years (god willing ) for the travelling etc we have been enjoying since retiring . While I think betwen 30-35 is probably ideal ,I would not have wanted children in my twenties, even if I had met DH earlier .

valrhona · 23/03/2015 01:31

I was 31 with DC1, and 38 having DC2. I'm 45 now (almost!)
DC1 floored me due to the shock of learning to cope with a baby and young child and post partum depression, tiredness, struggling madly with bf. DC2 was a breeze in every way when he came along, still is. Wouldn't consider another now though, nor would dh who is 7 years older than I. I'm very content with life, both decent jobs etc which wouldn't have happened for me had I had children when younger as I didn't go to Uni until I was 24...
I consider myself pretty lucky in how things have worked out so far

MaMaPo · 23/03/2015 01:48

Really depends. For me, I hope to be done by 40 (nearly 37 now and entering the fun world of assisted conception for number two, who will be the last). But I know older, happy mums.

That said, a work colleague and his wife have just had a baby with a nine year age gap. She's 46. They are both beyond knackered and wondering what the hell they've done. He says it is much much harder now than with their first.

RandomFriend · 23/03/2015 02:33

45 for a last baby, if you like having them and manage pregnancy and children well.

Ideally a bit younger for a first baby.

shins · 23/03/2015 07:29

I'm a little surprised at the number of posters saying 45 or so; wouldn't nature already have made the decision for you by then anyway? I know we can all think of examples- my aunt had her youngest at 47- but I'd imagine a baby at 45 wasn't something you could plan confidently.

PacificDogwood · 23/03/2015 07:42

No, nobody can plan a baby confidently at any age IMO and IME.

ssd · 23/03/2015 07:57

35

fruitsherbet · 23/03/2015 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomFriend · 23/03/2015 08:41

shins, The OP asked for opinions on the "realistic age for having a last baby".

Noone is suggesting this is the ideal age, either for a "last baby"( that I am assuming in this case may be happening along as a surprise, as happened to one of my friends as a fourth), and certainly not as planning the last moment for a first baby.

Roonerspism · 23/03/2015 09:04

What a refreshing post pregranny!

Jackieharris · 23/03/2015 09:52

I'm actually really surprised how few posters on this thread have quoted the increasing risk of chromosomal problems with age as a factor in the decision.

That was what terrified me about ever ttc at 35+.

Do other people just not think it could happen to them? Or are they comfortable with the prospect of having a disabled child or going though testing/amnio/termination?

In now in that age bracket and we may ttc again in the future (or have an accident). I think I'm just putting my head in the sand but I'm surprised it doesn't seem to be an issue for others. Or is it just a taboo topic to discuss?

hazeyjane · 23/03/2015 09:57

As I said earlier, I think that everyone needs to think about disability and health conditions when they are having a baby. It can happen to anyone at any age, even though the risk may be higher as men and women get older.

LikeIcan · 23/03/2015 10:00

Agree shins. Having a baby at 45 would be a minor miracle for most women ( I personally don't know anyone who's had a baby at that age )

Even late 30's you get into the realms of testing for downs & all the stress that goes with that. If I had a daughter I'd be advising her to complete her family by 35.

Fleecyleesy · 23/03/2015 10:04

Well I believe (medically) the best age to have a baby is 23. So the further you stray from that, the further from "ideal" you go. But realistically for most of us (me included, I'm not writing this smugly Grin), 23 is a completely impossible age to have a baby for a huge variety of reasons.

x2boys · 23/03/2015 10:09

Jackieharris my son has a rare chromosome disorder I was thirty five when I got pregnant with him nobody has have said that age was a contributing factor but of course I wonder my son has a chromosomal micro deletion which means a tiny part of his 16th chromosome is missing this has had a huge impact he has autism and learning difficulties and the geneticists believe the deletion is directly responsible for this chromosome disorders can be inherited from a parent or they can occur as a random occurance on conception in my sons case it was a random occurance as myself and dh have both been tested and neither of us carry the deletion.

shins · 23/03/2015 10:12

Yes, after an initial test I was told my last child had a one in 18 risk of DS which led to a CVS test and a very stressful week before I got the all-clear. I was 38. It is of course something to take into account the older you get.

motherinferior · 23/03/2015 10:20

Of course we think about it, Jackie. Frankly you'd have to be living on Planet Zog not to have noticed all the multiple bombardments of DO NOT LEAVE IT TOO LATE coming from every end of the spectrum, from fertility specialists to the tabloid media. The myth of Carefree But Deluded Career Women is just that.

But the fact is that there are a huge number of Carefree But Deluded men out there. Many of us spend our late 20s and early to mid-30s increasingly arguing with men who say they're "not yet ready" to have babies yet.

I would have loved to have my first child at 29, actually. As it was, I couldn't find anyone willing to impregnate me till I was 36.

maplebaconchips · 23/03/2015 10:21

While not ideal, someone of us don't meet the loves of our lives until our late 30s, and wanting a baby together is understandable.

cantseemtohaveitall · 23/03/2015 10:22

Jackie - I agree with you completely.
The very high risks of giving birth to a baby with chromosomal abnormalities past 35 just seems to get frequently ignored. Perhaps it has just become a taboo subject in contemporary culture because it's also now seen as the norm to have babies into your 40s.

a family friend gave birth to a baby with Downs Syndrome at 37, that baby is now an adult and of course entirely dependent on the parents.
do people think they would just terminate preg if they had a test that came back showing Downs or another disability as highly likely?

I've always felt I'd be unwilling to go through the risks, personally, as well as just not wanting to be too old when they're reaching adulthood.

I've had my babies at 31 and 35.
I didnt feel an urge to keep partying into my 30s - I started v young (admittedly prob younger than most..) but I'd had a good 15 years of partying, travelling etc and living for myself by time I had first baby.

Career-wise I feel that yes, it's now on hiatus to a point while I've got tiny DC but I'm confident that with another 30 years of working life ahead of me before retirement that I'll be able to pick it back up and be successful in future.

KitCat26 · 23/03/2015 10:27

My personal cut off was 30, but we have a history of early menopause in my family. I had our last aged 27, DH was 46. His cut off was 50.

Rednotpinkorgreen · 23/03/2015 10:27

Cantseemtohaveitall when you have fertility treatment you're tomd all about the risks etc and by definition it's often older women who are already at a higher risk of abnormalities that are going for fertility treatment and having their babies later. But if you Just Want a Baby then you just have to go with it.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 23/03/2015 10:27

I have a chronic health condition. It's as well controlled as it can be, but now at the age of 38 I think I'd struggle with lack of sleep and the demands of very young children.

Baring that in mind, the oldest that I would have wanted to have children would have been 35.
As it was, I had ours at age 29 and 32. Even then the risk of downs was 1:10,000 for dc1 and 1:52 for dc2

Storm15 · 23/03/2015 10:31

I'm knackered at 36...

x2boys · 23/03/2015 10:32

Well I chose not to have any tests cantseemto and tests may have shown my sons chromosome disorder I had a healthy pregnancy and birth there were no outward signs that there was anything wrong until my son didn't develop speech and had by then ( at around 2yo) tther signs of autism ,my son was diagnosed with ASD and learning difficulties at three and a half and his paediatrician wanted to know if there was a genetic cause and my sons microarray blood test showed the micro deletion everybody's different though.