Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 19/03/2015 20:59

When we go on holiday we usually book a cottage with two rooms, we are in one, the DC sharing the other. On the first night the DC are always excited and it takes them ages to get to sleep- then if they wake up and wander around looking for the loo I usually hear them and get up to see to them. So even with their own bedrooms it takes a few nights for them to get used to sleeping in a new place. If we were guests in someones house I would want them in the same room as me so that I could keep an eye on them and make sure they did not disturb our hosts in any way. I would certainly never dream of a lie- in whilst the hosts entertained my children. I think they were damn rude and you should not give it another thought, OP.

SaintEyning · 19/03/2015 21:06

Eeeeeh I dunno! When we stay with BIL and SIL, DS (2/3/4/5) has always slept in the computer room. With£0000s of computer equipment and he's managed not to break it despite being the world's most curious child. But we have also stayed at DAunt's for a week with him on a mattress at the foot of our bed. He's not DP's DS, btw.

lomega · 19/03/2015 21:09

I have to share with my DS whenever we stay anywhere, and tbh I wouldn't have it any other way. He's a PITA to share with as I'm a light sleeper and he snuffles/wakes up in the night/generally makes noise...but I just accept that my parents/friends don't have infinite rooms they can offer us to accommodate. I normally get to sleep in until 7.30ish if DS is in his own room, and it's more like 6am if we're sharing, so I just cuddle him and treat it as a treat/sleepover as it's normally only 1-2 nights. Don't see why these two can't do that.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 21:16

With£0000s of computer equipment and he's managed not to break it despite being the world's most curious child

we have been around frighteningly expensive equipment as in proper editing suites, and no damage don

we and we have our own expensive tech in the house, again all ok.

anyway, op is pregnant op will learn. Grin

Springtulip · 19/03/2015 21:17

So when they realised there wasn't another guest room as the only other spare one was actually used for computers and stuff that should have been it. It wasn't their place to kick up a fuss as if they were paying guests in an hotel. It wasn't their right to have any shout into where they were put. You're staying in someone's house, you go where you're put. Any normal person would have accepted the arrangement, and not caused embarrassment.

redshoeblueshoe · 19/03/2015 21:18

We took 2DC to stay with a relative -massive house. I was so pleased to see we were all in the same room. DC's loved sleeping on the floor. We slept peacefully knowing if they woke they wouldn't be wandering round trying to find the bathroom or wandering downstairs and setting off the burglar alarm. I think some people are forgetting OP had not met these people before and she is expecting.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 21:22

Funnily enough you can say your kid has never managed to break anything, but I'm sure lots more can come out with anecdotes to the opposite.

If there's a risk there's a risk. Not only would i worry about my things being broken, I'd worry about one of them hurting themselves. There's only so much child proofing you can do.

UnikittyInHerBusinessSuit · 19/03/2015 21:24

A fiver says they're TTC and she's ovulating. Only reason I can think of why they wouldn't take up the offer of the living room floor.

TheRealMaryMillington · 19/03/2015 21:25

You (your DP) should have had a conversation about it with them beforehand so they knew what was available.

And they should have come to visit, or not on the basis of whether that would work for them.

3 nights is a long time for 4 people to bunk up like that, IMO, even though they were very rude and ungrateful.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/03/2015 21:28

I know a couple like this. Kids same ages too. Do their names begin with a d?
Anyway, yanbu. Rude, rude, rude.

TheImprobableGirl · 19/03/2015 21:29

op is pregnant, op will learn Grin

I like this.... Theoretically I would definitely say yanbu... But if I am in the same room as snoring dd2 (10mo) and wriggling dd1 there is no way I could get any sleep.

But i shall give the earth mother response of "no no, of ^course^ I don't mind sharin with the kids, they are pfb and psb "

I would rather sleep outside as I would probably step on them after too much [Wine]

sqibble · 19/03/2015 21:34

We went through a phase where one of ours would wake up and scream at the slightest noise. That could be one of us turning over in the night, or having a muffled cough. They'd then be awake for ages, either yelling or shouting, waking everybody else up. I really couldn't sleep in the same room as them at that time.

We once went on a group holiday and I begged for just a broom cupboard or a bathroom to put their cot in. Everyone else thought I'd gone mad or was being a diva.

But at age 3 I don't know. Mine was between 18 months and 2 at the time. Maybe they had a very light sleeper?

sqibble · 19/03/2015 21:35

Although I think they got it when they saw me up at 4am waiting for cbeebies to start.

WayfaringStranger · 19/03/2015 21:35

I'm willing to bet a fiver that if OP hadn't put delicate household objects away, the guests would have been fussed about that. YANBU, OP how rude of them!

Tizwailor · 19/03/2015 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkisthenewpink · 19/03/2015 21:36

If I was going to a friends who had 3 beds, with 2 spare I would expect Dc to have separate room. But I might ask about other spare room discreetly but then would say nothing more. Your house, your choice.

QTPie · 19/03/2015 21:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Viviennemary · 19/03/2015 21:41

They do sound rude. It was your house and you made what you thought were reasonable sleeping arrangments. Personally, I'd rather not sleep with two toddlers in the room but wouldn't have said anything. They were cheeky.

Bogeyface · 19/03/2015 21:48

YANBU

However, I do have one story where I think the houseguest was justified in feeling a bit put out.

He was invited to stay by another friend of ours who has a very very large house. Many many spare bedrooms, none of which were in use or out of bounds for any reason. My friend got put on the sofa in the kitchen with the dog.

He was very embarrassed, not least because the housekeeper clearly wasnt expecting him to be there and woke him at some ungodly hour. We suspect that mutual friends wife doesnt like my friend (he is a bit...bohemian) so refused to allow him in one of the bedrooms. Needless to say he left 2 days early and has never been back, mutual friend seems genuinely baffled as to why!

Bogeyface · 19/03/2015 21:49

Oh and when I say "woken" by the housekeeper, I mean she screamed the place down as she thought he had broken in a dossed down, not an unreasonable assumption in the circumstances!

Italiangreyhound · 19/03/2015 21:50

You were fine, the accommodation was fine, if they come again they could always bring a tent or look up the local Premier Inn or Travelodge and all leave after dinner at 7.00!

As you seem concerned what they think I would say next time you invite guests you could explain, our third room is not a bedroom, it is an office so you will all be in together (again) and if that is not OK you could go to their home!

You sound a lovely host.

NorbertDentressangle · 19/03/2015 21:51

I can't help but wonder what Sukie's guests would do if they stayed in a hotel.

Would they honestly book 2 rooms and have their children in their own room down the corridor? (because the reality is there aren't many hotels with interconnecting rooms/2 bedroom suites)

lomega · 19/03/2015 21:54

bogeyface Shock
That IS a bit mean.

Hulababy · 19/03/2015 21:56

If I visit and stay with friends I sleep where they want me to sleep. Or i;d pay and sleep in a nearby hotel/B&B if I wasn't able to fit in with their requirements. Though, tbh in a hotel I would have to share with DD anyway.

I would never want anyone to sleep on my sfa - and that isn't even one with buttons and electrics involved. I just hate the idea. They can have a camp bed or mattress on the floor, but not on my sofa!

I wouldn't think an office was a suitable bedroom for a young child of 3. Too many potential issues.

But then we are pretty relaxed here. We manage perfectly well if DD has to share our room - even at the age of 12y, though that can bring some privacy issues for DH having a teenage girl present at times. But we all cope. Was fine when she was little too.

We have 3 bedrooms. Our spare room really only sleeps two we have a decent quality futon which we sleep couples in. We could squeeze a small young child inflatable in there if necessary but normally visiting children have to share with DD - she copes not too bad with having someone she knows well sharing her double bed, and we can fir a couple of smal camp beds in her room if need be.

Purplepixiedust · 19/03/2015 22:01

I think they were rude. YANBU.

I woukd be perfectly happy to share a room with my son as we do if we sleep in a hotel or tent for that matter. What you provided was great. Miserable gits!