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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...To think the mum who attacked bullies is RIGHT?

310 replies

candidkate · 19/03/2015 13:40

Just read this story

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/i-know-what-wrong-im-8870532

This poor mum has witnessed her DD be bullied for years. 15 school kids had the balls to even show up at her home screaming abuse, threatening to kill her poor DD! She comes home furious and attacks one of them, punching the other who tried to break it up.

I don't condone violence full stop. But these were 14 year old hardly little kids who do not know better. I'm sorry but I'm putting my hands on you before you ever harm my child!

It was a daunting situation - she had even called the police and what did they do? Nothing. Kids are killing themselves while schools and police twiddle their thumbs. Enough it enough!

OP posts:
Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 16:50

SaucyJack They were threatening to kill her and egging the home. They've been beating her and bullying her for years. She even left the school and yet still they can't leave her alone. Still. When does it stop when is enough enough they clearly will never get bored.

I'm so sorry guys if i am being unreasonable im not a bad person i dont believe in violence but i read this story and my heart broke. I was taken back to the days when kids would get beaten with baseball bats from the PE garage while playground ladies chattered on about Eastenders. I'd watch teachers too overwhelmed with a class of 30 to hear or see an innocent child be called whole slut slag sket cunt for an entire lesson.

I've seen my best friend miscarry a baby after being beaten to a pulp after school and the police couldn't do anything because no one wanted to speak to the police - the other parents didn't want trouble

Maybe it isn't right...but its not wrong either. We condone a lot worse!

OP posts:
hackmum · 19/03/2015 16:51

I have every sympathy with the mum. I am so sick of schools that don't deal with bullies and say things like "there are two sides to every story" or "it's six of one and half a dozen of the other" or "just ignore the bullies and they'll leave you alone". It sounds to me as if the mother was provoked beyond endurance.

Samcro · 19/03/2015 16:51

you can't hit a child
I cam close once. I called the police, told them to come and deal with it and explained how close I was to doing something silly.
they came.
they dealt with the dear little girl who was trying to cause harm to my family.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 16:51

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Why a boy?

OP posts:
hedgehogsdontbite · 19/03/2015 16:51

We'll have to agree to differ. You believe in vigilante justice and I don't. I doubt that's going to change.

SaucyJack · 19/03/2015 16:53

For the legal and moral purposes of self-defence, there is a whole world of difference in threatening to kill someone who is locked in their house where you can't get them and actually beating them half to death in front of their mother.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 16:54

hackmum Pushed to the brink right? The police really do fail certain areas. Certain schools have no pastoral care!! If I was a headmistress I'd have lie detector tests done before I say "they say they never touched her so they didnt." Are you on CRACK? of course they will deny it they are evil sadistic bullies who know how little the system really cares.

OP posts:
finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 16:55

Calm down OP, you sound totally unhinged.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 19/03/2015 16:55

Think about it.
If a 14 year old boy had been harassing and bullying her daughter, and was outside her house with 15 others threatening her with other small children in the house, and she'd ended up hitting him - she would have had far more sympathy IMO.

OwlCapone · 19/03/2015 16:57

She chased the girl before catching and assaulting her and a friend who had come to her aid.

hedgehogsdontbite · 19/03/2015 16:57

OP are you personally involved in this case?

OwlCapone · 19/03/2015 16:59

A 14 yr old boy is much larger and stronger than a 13 year old girl. I suspect she wouldn't have punched a boy.

Regardless, I would still call her a thug.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 16:59

What happened was wrong SaucyJack I agree but after years of suffering a person can only be human at the end of it sorry. It would be a different story if her kid came home on the first day of school and said someone was nasty to her. Years and years of abuse will make you do crazy things. Since it carried on it wasn't being dealt with.

How can you receive legal action from the police and school and still turn up at someones house? How? These kids have obviously been allowed to continue their behavior. She has obviously been ignored and failed by the system.

When you've been failed and failed and intimidated and have had to see your child with a bump the size of a fist on their head - when people say they will kill her at your doorstep you aren't mad for believing it and taking things into your own hands. By any means necessary.

OP posts:
TheFecklessFairy · 19/03/2015 16:59

I tackled my son's bullies in our village one afternoon. I didn't physically touch either of them but, boy, I bet they wished I had by the time I'd finished with the little bastards. Words were extremely powerful in my instance.......and they left well alone after that.

candidkate · 19/03/2015 17:01

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Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 17:02

finnbarrcar And sorry I'm not trolling you or being mean but perhaps if more schools/police had my passion mums like this wouldn't have to take the law into their own hands.

OP posts:
Stratter5 · 19/03/2015 17:03

The school's response smacks more of them trying to slide out of any responsibility. I found the worst thing about the bullying was that it was practically impossible to get anyone to actually DO something about it. Talks and slaps on the wrist simply don't work, DD's school did their best, they call the police in themselves, but I have to say that I think the only reason why we didn't have the same baying mob is because we were pretty rural and it was a lot of effort to get to our house unless you drove.

It's wrong, no doubt about it, but until a child of yours has experienced that level of bullying, you can't really say how you'd react. I can't explain how intense that wave of rage is that sweeps over you.

finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 17:04

I've seen some terrible things in my time too, but your reaction whilst YOU may feel is justified, is totally disproportionate and seems to be causing you to get in a complete state.

It's not your battle to fight, step away from the internet, you'll feel a lot better for it.

finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 17:06

...and don't suggest that your "passion" justifies hitting anyone or that you're somehow a better mother than someone who doesn't take this egregious route.

ihatelego · 19/03/2015 17:07

yanbu I can see how a mother would have to resort to this, and if i was in that situation and it stopped the bullying i would think it would be worth it and i am in no way a violent or confrontational person I've never attacked anyone in my life but if my child was being treated like this by teenage girls who are old enough to act like that I would take it into my own hands if the authorities failed to deal with it and my child was suffering.

You see news reports of teenagers commiting suicide after this type of ongoing bullying and harassment.

HerRoyalNotness · 19/03/2015 17:12

dragenza i'm so sorry for your DD, it's bloody awful.

By what some posters have written on this thread, I am surprised they haven't asked you what the other side of the story is! Sometimes, there is only ONE story, but like Dragenza's experience, the police aren't interested, or there are no witnesses. Why oh why, couldn't they get the police to interview the girls individually, I'm pretty sure ONE of them would have cracked.

Too many of our youth are losing their lives, either literally, or by being too scared to go out and live it. Time to get this nonsense stopped.

I'd be parked on the door of the police station at every opportunity until something was done to charge any child harassing one of mine. And I couldn't say that I would punch one in the face either. Although perhaps I'd be too scared myself. When did we all become so terrified of teenagers ffs, what's gone wrong?

grannytomine · 19/03/2015 17:25

Some schools deal really well with bullying, some don't. The ones that don't try to cover it up. If the girl was being bullied and the school didn't deal with it then they would be all self righteous after the event.

My DD was badly bullied at primary school and the school was worse than useless. She went to senior school and after 3 or 4 weeks the same gang of girls started again. The school jumped on them from a great height. She was there 7 years and never had another problem.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 17:30

finbarr please get a life and be nice it's called a conversation no one is in a state and if I am so what. I'm not swearing or trolling anyone. I'm listening and asking questions. don't read my posts u don't have to.

I'm tired of people on MN perpetuating the very actions we complain our kids have to suffer from. It's like cyber bullying for adults sometimes (not suggesting finbarr is a bully)

someone says their friends son has hung themselves and their best friend in school miscarried because of an attack by bullies and all youre concerned about is trying to make me look a little silly? suggesting I come off the Internet? I think it's you that needs to calm down x

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 19/03/2015 17:32

perhaps if more schools/police had my passion

I for one am pleased that neither schools not the police have the sort of passion that thinks it is OK to chase children down the street, backed up by two grown men, and punch them.

SuperFlyHigh · 19/03/2015 17:32

My stepdad did something similar one night... I'd been bullied not by these girls/boys but they were known to be a bit feral and would sometimes say stuff in the street...

anyway one night they came round and got my stepdad in a foul mood (I had bad anxiety - he chased them down the street threw his shoe after them and shouted like a maniac. they legged it over the wall of the school into the street and onto their estate. strangely enough they never came back or bothered me again! Grin

Disclaimer - if he had got them I doubt he'd have clobbered them but would have had words...

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