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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

...To think the mum who attacked bullies is RIGHT?

310 replies

candidkate · 19/03/2015 13:40

Just read this story

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/i-know-what-wrong-im-8870532

This poor mum has witnessed her DD be bullied for years. 15 school kids had the balls to even show up at her home screaming abuse, threatening to kill her poor DD! She comes home furious and attacks one of them, punching the other who tried to break it up.

I don't condone violence full stop. But these were 14 year old hardly little kids who do not know better. I'm sorry but I'm putting my hands on you before you ever harm my child!

It was a daunting situation - she had even called the police and what did they do? Nothing. Kids are killing themselves while schools and police twiddle their thumbs. Enough it enough!

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:05

I'd rather become part of the problem then my kid have their head kicked in or kill themselves.

SaucyJack · 19/03/2015 20:06

"As for the toddler anecdote - you cannot compare the actions of someone who's skull is still soft to that of a young adult who knows what they are doing."

So then. What age does it become OK to punch a child in the face because they've upset or hurt your child?

8? 9? 10?

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 20:29

SaucyJack Not in a perverse way but children of 8,9,10 come home with their parents or could be shooed away. If i was present when an 8 year old attacked my child i'd split them up. The same with a 17 year old.
This is different.
The same way there is a difference between a new born and a 5 year old old right?
It sounds great but isn't a practical mode of thought for me, personally.
I wouldn't hold my 10 year old to the same standard as my 14 year old.
I think we all know that these were not "children" in the way in which you are trying to perpetuate them.

OP posts:
finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:30

This reply has been deleted

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GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:32

Having a different opinion to yours doesn't make her a troll or goady finbarr Hmm

finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:35

GraysAnalogy wow, you're canny //sarcasm mode off

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:36

So why say it then? Confused

finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:40

This thread doesn't surprise me really. Loads of armchair vigilantes. What good do they think having a criminal record/custodial sentence is going to do their DCs? Not one of the pro-violence to bullies on this thread had thought through the consequences of their tit-for-tat crap.

The OP is a raving loon, and the rest of you agreeing with her deserve each other.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 20:41

finnbarrcar I'm not the only one who found the way you expressed yourself to be rude...please read the thread properly.

I haven't said one disrespectful thing to you - I'm sorry to hear that you have suffered from two miscarriage and thus am shocked that when I mentioned it pertaining to my friend...I'm being hyperbolic and ranting.

I've said several times it's not an ideal situation and I don't condone violence but we must do what we can to protect our children and make them feel safe. When the system fails us we must do what we can.
Please don't twist my words and pick and choose what to acknowledge. She's right to defend her child.

You haven't stuck to the point but have attacked me as a person - calling me unhinged and telling me I need to get of the internet. Constantly alluding that there is something wrong with my mental health. I only pointed out that these are comments which we as parents wouldn't condone being said to our children due to a difference of opinion.

Tell me I'm being unreasonable and say why. Don't get personal....ironically on a thread about bullying.

Damilola taylor was stabbed to death by children his own age. Ten years old. A boy on the bus just stabbed last year...12 years old by another kid that looked him in the face and said "remember me" before he did it. There were no drugs involved it was bullying that had escalated and one kid actually thought he should stab another to show how tough he is.

So when kids come outside your house and say they will kill you and the police are nowhere to be seen - you are not hyperbolic or wrong for seeing it as a real threat and trying to eliminate that threat...by any means necessary.

OP posts:
finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:44

"Tell me why I'm being unreasonable"...you're supporting punching children in the face...if that has to be explained to you, well, hmmm...not much more to add to that really.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 20:45

"The OP is a raving loon" - Are you serious Finnbarr
Manners please.
Leave the thread if your eyes are so offended.
You are the only one being so crude.
SaucyJack and many others disagree with me and we are having a normal adult respectful conversation.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Springtulip · 19/03/2015 20:45

Finbarr
Just for interest, ?hat would you do if it was one of your children being threatened and bullied so badly, in the absence of any support from school or police?

SaucyJack · 19/03/2015 20:46

I'm not trying to perpetuate anything. A thirteen year old year old is a child, especially when compared physically to a thirty-three year old adult.

That's why we have laws to protect children. I'm sure you'd soon change your stance if it had been a 33 year old man having sex with her.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:47

Finnbar have you lived it?

Have you had to send your child to school knowing they would come home black and blue, starving because their food would be spat in, their clothes ripped, their books URINATED on?

Have you spoken to the schools who put on a sympathetic face and say 'well we've done all we can'

Have you spoken to police who laugh and come out with the 'kids will be kids' line?

Have you moved your child from the school, only for it to start wherever they go, bringing it to your front doorstep?

Have you ever felt so completely let down by everyone, have you actually worried for your childs life (either by at the hand of someone else or their own)

And lastly have you had 15 'children' outside your door screaming abuse and threatening to kill? Because I promise you it's just as scary as it being adults out there.

It's all well and good you trying to be on the moral high ground, you haven't mentioned any solutions have you? No you'd rather just call us all lunatics.

finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:50

I think you'll find in most cases the school and police DO deal with it supportively.

In that absence I'm unsure what the next steps would have been but I can assure you, it wouldn't have been punching anyone in the face and applauding myself for it online.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 20:50

alwaysstaytoolong I understand more than I am probably letting on. But I won't let anyone harm my child, and if violence is the only way to stop that from happening (which many posters have proven is sometimes the case) then so be it. If you hit me and I hit you back and you never bother me again its for an obvious reason.
If you hit me and the teacher tells you off and you continue it's for an obvious reason.
I do understand and agree with many aspects of what you've said - however I will never cower in my home while police, the school and social services ignore me. If everyone lived by the rule of never initiating violence we wouldn't be having this conversation - however that's unnatural. There will always be the bad eggs of society and they must be dealt with. When the police fail people like this mum have to pick up the slack.
Am i missing something? Should she have continued to have been a victim despite being deserted?

OP posts:
finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:51

...and yes, I have "lived it"...you don't have a monopoly on misery dear.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:51

finnbarr 'most cases' doesn't help if you're the one who they're failing.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:52

finnbarr I doubt it to be honest, because otherwise you'd have more empathy and be discussing this in a more appropriate way, not calling people lunatics.

And don't call me dear, ta.

finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:52

Try restorative practice then. Just don't start flinging your fists around and think it will "solve" anything.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 20:53

Saucy What does self defense and pedophilia have to do with one another?

OP posts:
finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:53

Well, just shows how little you know Gray, some of just deal with things, oh..I dunno...better than you have.

finnbarrcar · 19/03/2015 20:56

You're wasting your time Saucy, people like the OP and her posse don't respond to reason.

Original poster
candidkate · 19/03/2015 20:57

Finnbarr Stop making up things no person has once said it's okay run around beating kids up for no reason. Not one.
Thanks for admitting you don't know what you'd do your responses make more sense now.
Most schools don't deal with it effectively that's why bullying is such an issue not just in the UK but around the world.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 19/03/2015 20:57

I'm just taking your assertion that a thirteen year old isn't really a child in a different direction.

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