to wonder why you think I care about your marital status?

[JessieMcJessie]

I've just received an email from the personal assistant to someone I am meeting later today. Her standard signature at the bottom of the e-mail (name changed of course) is

Mrs Brenda Jones

I sometimes see communications from other women signed off "Brenda Jones (Mrs)"

Why on earth do people do this? Do any of you do this?

NB although her name is not really Brenda, it was an unmistakeably female name, so it wasn't to stop any confusion about her gender. And I myself have a unisex first name but I still never put Mrs on my letters or emails (nor Miss before I was married).

I suppose it's just old fashioned but how awful that society ever thought that marital status and ability to do a job were in any way connected.

I do feel I've achieved something by getting married, but that's because as a same sex couple I never thought I'd see the day we could get married and be seen as equal.

This.

I'm still first name surname at work though, I'd find it most odd (unprofessional?) if someone insisted on their title being used.

I do this, as I'm old and I loathe the way younger people with whom I don't have an informal relationship (and often have not even met) think it's ok to call me by my first name, plus I also dislike 'Ms' as, in my mind, that simply says 'bitter and twisted divorcee' or 'aggressive feminist lesbian'. Those are my reasons; I don't care what you or others think about me and/or my marital status, but I reserve the right to choose how I wish to be addressed.

Zfactor, you just neatly summed why this system is such bullshit.

The assumptions about 'Ms' say it all.

Agree with Owl. I don't want one title at all thanks, I rather like being Mrs. If I am signing something off in a professional capacity etc I would always put Mrs OurGlass as that is how I would want to be addressed.

I also dislike 'Ms' as, in my mind, that simply says 'bitter and twisted divorcee' or 'aggressive feminist lesbian'.

Ouch. Thank you for your candor i guess but I hope this is not a generalized assumption.

alicemalice that really is it, isn't it? I make assumptions about women who call themselves Miss or Mrs. Other women make assumptions about me when I call myself Ms. Meanwhile, nobody is making any bloody assumptions about men because they're all just Mr.

nobody is making any bloody assumptions about men because they're all just Mr

Quite

zfactor Your assumptions about Ms are so far off the mark, it's laughable.

I use this, so do many people I know. None are bitter and twisted, and the vast majority are not divorced.

I'd assume they wanted to be called Mrs, and they were, well, over 60 at least.

Unfortunately, I do think that some atavists still judge women by their titles

• Miss (nutty old dear)
• Mrs (off the market)
• Ms (desperate or a lesbian)

I prefer not to use one.

I can no more be bothered to change from Miss F Cunt to Ms or Mrs F Cunt than I can be bothered to chance from Fat Cunt to Fat Cock just because I married a Cock. I have my name, it's mine, I'm keeping it.

thinking about it no one ever has ever ever addressed me as Mrs / Ms / Miss. i can't think of a single occurance - ar Dr's or whatever it's first name / surname . everywhere else it's just first name. even the chap from the utility company on the phone - it's may i speak to first name / second name. then they quite often say is it ok to call you firstname. does anyone really ever say no, i'm Mrs X? that just makes me think of Hyacinth Bucket

where do you people go to get called Mrs / Ms/ Miss anyway? does it evcer really happen?

I get called Mrs Husband's Name fairly frequently, by people on phone, people delivering sofa last week. I always say, "It's Sue" but people do use Mrs/Ms/Miss in real life.

I rarely correct them unless it's important, so arranging some 0% finance last week they started calling me Mrs Husband's Name, but when filling in the paperwork I had to say actually its Billberry Crumble not Billberry Husband'sName.

I also dislike 'Ms' as, in my mind, that simply says 'bitter and twisted divorcee' or 'aggressive feminist lesbian'

Me, me!

I want to be a bitter and twisted aggressive feminist lesbian divorcee!

Can I be hairy-legged, too?

Perhaps we should all be campaigning to ensure that unmarried men are called Master and only allowed to call themselves Mr on marriage and that bitter twisted male divorcees or aggressive homosexuals have to use something else? Just so we know which box to slot them in in order to look down upon them in the correct manner.

After all "Real Feminists" TM, are all about equality, so this would represent that.

I do wish that those people who 'know' what "Real Feminists" should be giving a shit about this week would write us silly feminists a list....

Me too - I'm bitter, twisted, hairy legged and married to a bloke (but have short hair so could be a stereotyped lesbian).

Love taht post FatCunt!! And I so agree. Women who change their names when they marry are thick!

I have an irrational dislike of Ms so if it gets used for my name (eg minutes of formal meetings) I will usually correct it to Mrs. Otherwise I don't care (though I do slightly judge people who use Dr when having done a PhD is irrelevant to their job)

Nice post there babbity

Thanks Closer. Could argue all day about that one, but the bottom is line is just that! Thick and lacking in a sense of identity, if you want more details!

Can you expand on why women who change their name are thick please babbity?

If we all used the same title the whole assumptions thing would disappear, it is the persistence of the three titles for women, one for men custom that causes it and affects all women to some extent. Men don't need to waste their time telling people their preferred title, correcting those who get it wrong etc. Women have enough disadvantages in life without these little, totally unecessary ones.

I think the title thing is very out of date. I am a Mrs but I do not use it to sign off my letters and I certainly don't care if I am addressed as Miss, Mrs or Ms.

My boss is in her late 50s and unmarried. She goes crazy If anyone uses Ms or Mrs to address her and will email or even write to them to correct them - it's cringeworthy!!

Yeah, I think I would like more details babbity. Then I can check whether my assumption that anyone who makes sweeping generalisations is narrow minded and lacking in imagination

There are an AWFUL LOT of posters on these threads regularly who get very upset at the thought of being called Miss is they see themselves as a Ms, or Ms if they prefer Mrs, etc.
"Brenda" has obviously read them and wants to remove and hesitancy or confusion by letting you know her title, should you wish to address her formally.
There are plenty of e-mails I send where it isn't the 'done' thing to use the person's forename, and I prefer to have a clue which mode of address they prefer.
At work, where I work, we do all use our firstnames, but it's not appropriate in every e-mail you send.