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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why you think I care about your marital status?

304 replies

JessieMcJessie · 19/03/2015 09:34

I've just received an email from the personal assistant to someone I am meeting later today. Her standard signature at the bottom of the e-mail (name changed of course) is

Mrs Brenda Jones

I sometimes see communications from other women signed off "Brenda Jones (Mrs)"

Why on earth do people do this? Do any of you do this?

NB although her name is not really Brenda, it was an unmistakeably female name, so it wasn't to stop any confusion about her gender. And I myself have a unisex first name but I still never put Mrs on my letters or emails (nor Miss before I was married).

I suppose it's just old fashioned but how awful that society ever thought that marital status and ability to do a job were in any way connected.

OP posts:
MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/03/2015 16:44

You're right Auntie but the only poster I can that's being bitch is and downright insulting is Bab who says anyone who changes their surname to their husbands is a bit thick and lacking imagination.

How she arrives at that conclusion is unknown as she seems unable to explain it herself.

Oh and it's sexist and outdated now.

Whatever!

babbityann · 21/03/2015 16:55

Wow! I have ruffled a few feathers!
I was explaining how I was 'taught' to address a letter by very traditional nuns, not how I actually address letters because that form IS sexist and outdated!You are proving to be very thick indeed MrsIts. Pay attention when you read the posts please. You (or perhaps just report the ones that upset you or that you just don't get?)

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/03/2015 17:12

No babs you're the thick one.

It's not real life, you know

I'm afraid it it is and if we were face to face I would've told you to go Fuck yourself long ago.

Scholes34 · 21/03/2015 17:24

When I did my secretarial course, I was taught that the salutation in letters should use a title. I don't think it matters to Brenda Jones what you think about her marital status, she'd just like her correspondence to be addressed to her as she would like. It's a personal thing. Nothing wrong with that. I like the distance the use of my title puts between me and a correspondent when dealing with anything on a formal basis. I like envelopes address to Mrs Betty Scholes. Formal or informal, I don't like work e-mails starting with Hi Betty. Dear Betty is preferred. I particularly like the formality the Chinese (and for some reason the Greeks) use when writing, who address e as Dear Mrs Betty.

For many who have a proper secretarial training, they want to use a title and that probably winds others up. I also like to use two spaces after a full stop and I know that certainly winds a lot of people up.

For my next big birthday, I'm switching back to my maiden name. I'm sure that will be of interest and intrigue to many friends and colleagues. Not yet sure whether I'll be a Miss, Mrs or Ms.

Sallystyle · 21/03/2015 17:26

Is Babbity ok? she seems a bit wound up Hmm

I admit that I never really thought about not changing my name. The first time I was 18 and I just accepted it as something we do. When I married my second husband I took his name as well. I was still going by my old married name and decided to just take my new husband's name.

I admit that I liked taking his last name. My Maiden name meant fuck to me due to the person who gave it to me. It is all very outdated for sure but I think I would do the same again if I could turn back time.

I am not a complete thicko though ;)

Sallystyle · 21/03/2015 17:28

I don't think you have ruffled that many feathers, bab.

But you sure are embarrassing yourself.

You aren't coming across as edgy and tough as you think you are. Just a bit unhinged.

babbityann · 21/03/2015 17:39

U2 , you actually didn't even think about not changing your name, three times!!! Gosh, now that is really thick! Can you actually remember what your original name was? (or 'maiden'name as you embarrasingly refer to it)

MrsIts, you did try telling me to fuck myself by reporting my post, remember?

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/03/2015 17:47

Wasn't me who reported you Bab

I was a bit disappointed I didn't see what it was you posted that got reported. Care to type it again?

babbityann · 21/03/2015 17:58

Sorry Its, it was Closer who reported me! But nothing happened. A post of mine was deleted by MNHQ on friday, though.

Doingthedo · 21/03/2015 18:03

my cat is called Brenda

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/03/2015 18:12

So pleased for you Bab such an achievement to have a post reported Hmm

Sallystyle · 21/03/2015 18:16

Well done Bab.. witty come back for sure Hmm

I have been married twice, not three times. I was either going to go back to my maiden name or take my husband's name. I picked his.

That does not make me thick. And yes, I know maiden name is outdated, but that is what it is currently called and birth names makes me think of adoption.

babbityann · 21/03/2015 18:16

Deleted Mrs and then another one reported but no action taken. And you actually want me to retype it??? But that was a joke, right? You can't actually be that sad!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/03/2015 18:23

Wowsers! A post deleted and another reported!

What a hardass you are!!

OrlandoWoolf · 21/03/2015 18:24

I've known someone for 14 years as a teacher. She has had 3 names whilst there. The same one twice. That's a lot of passports and ID

Miss...

Mrs...

Miss...

Mrs..

babbityann · 21/03/2015 18:30

That's hiliarous Orlando.Can't she just make up her mind?

Eh.....MrsI, I really couldn't care less eitherway. I had no idea it meant you are a 'hardass'! I think you take Mumsnet too seriously.

IceBeing · 21/03/2015 18:33

definitely do away with titles....

Sallystyle · 21/03/2015 18:33

Please get some new lines

MN is not real life
You are thick
You are wound up
You take MN too seriously

Yawn.

You sound like a little kid who is trying their hardest to come across as a hard arse and it's embarrassing for you, really.

OrlandoWoolf · 21/03/2015 18:33

I do wonder how many men change their names.

I think it would be great if unmarried men were called Master. I wonder when the Master / Mr split occurred and why it never occured for women.

babbityann · 21/03/2015 18:48

U2, you are, indeed ,very would up. The 'you take MN too seriously' is a new one , actually. And here's another new one, if my posts annoy you you can always 'ignore me'.

Orlando, I know one man who has changed his name.

LegsOfSteel · 21/03/2015 18:59

i know one man who has changed his name
Did you tell him he was a bit thick?

Sallystyle · 21/03/2015 19:00

I couldn't be more relaxed today, actually.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/03/2015 19:04

Aw bless you babby my first experience of a troll on Mumsnet.

Very disappointing Sad

Try harder, yeah.

Nolim · 21/03/2015 19:05

Does anyone want to continue the discussion without insults?

I think that the main problem is that for some reason there are negative connotations to some titles: ms is for twisted divorcees and aggresive lesbian feminists as some poster eloquently said and mrs is for women who betrayed the sisterhood for a wedding ring and a mans surmane.

Because of that some ppl get offended if the "wrong" title is applied to them and we get back to making a big deal out of it, which in turn keeps the negative connotations.

Fwiw i have a preference regarding my title but if someone gets it wrong it is a minor inconvenience not a crime.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 21/03/2015 19:11

I agree, Nolim. I don't get offended as such , but I do find it annoying if I have to repeatedly ask for my preference to be respected, the same as if I wanted to be Samantha not Sam, or Dr not Ms. The default setting is increasingly to Ms (which I understand many would think a good thing), but it is polite to recognise preferences away from the default when requested.