to wonder why you think I care about your marital status?

[JessieMcJessie]

I've just received an email from the personal assistant to someone I am meeting later today. Her standard signature at the bottom of the e-mail (name changed of course) is

Mrs Brenda Jones

I sometimes see communications from other women signed off "Brenda Jones (Mrs)"

Why on earth do people do this? Do any of you do this?

NB although her name is not really Brenda, it was an unmistakeably female name, so it wasn't to stop any confusion about her gender. And I myself have a unisex first name but I still never put Mrs on my letters or emails (nor Miss before I was married).

I suppose it's just old fashioned but how awful that society ever thought that marital status and ability to do a job were in any way connected.

Oh hello back! [looks around, notices not much has changed] how are things in AIBU (actually I know full well and have been lurking like a demon)

Why have you been off, then? Or is that nosy? I've lost track ... you were at the end of the PhD, right?

Yep, in its death throes now. I closed my account as I am easily distracted, but figured I spent the same amount of time lurking as I did when I was a member and interacting helps with the isolation of the PhD (or at least that's what I am telling myself). How are things with you? How's post PhD life? (I am hoping I've got the right person here!)

I also noted that on another post someone had asked 'what happened to ComposHat?' my fragile ego thus stroked, I thought I'd come out of the shadows.

Oh, that's nice.

And yes, right person - I had forgotten I'd namechanged, but post-PhD is very nice.

Good luck with the death throes!

Aw cheers, I thought it was you! Glad 'the other side' is all it is cracked up to be!

Arnold Rimmer BSc SSc

...but the name I will be giving up if I take my DP's surname upon getting married is not my birth name. I tick several of Closer's boxes, and at least one extra one to boot. Am I 'thick and sad'?

but surely you're not too "dim" to realise that other women have different lives and make different, equally valid, decisions to you?

Pot. Kettle.

Not sure if this is the sAmething but I'll tell it AnywAy.
I remember a particulR time when people at dd's school where putting in to be the school governor.
One women stRted off with. Hi my names. ......I've been married for 12 yeArs... Erm whT did her marital stAtus have to do with Anything!!! Did she think thT just becUse she wS married. It made her any better than anyone else. It was either a stleath boast. Like she's the first and only women to be married, or. Sly dig At single pArents. She never got my vote on that basis. Call me insensitive but it's how I saw it.

Lighthouse it's similar but worse - I admit that my first reaction to Brenda's signoff was that she must think that telling email recipients she was "Mrs" would somehow influence people's opinion of her competence at her job. However the helpful people on this thread have pointed out that she was just telling them she was a Mrs so they didn't use the incorrect form of address if they wanted to be very polite to her.

Your governor candidate on the other hand specifically mentioned being married in her hustings, so she clearly did think that it was relevant to her ability to be a governor. I agree that this was misguided and supercilious and am glad she didn't get your vote.

You don't have to change your name by deed poll when you marry. If you want to take your husband's surname and change your bank card, passport etc then you send the relevant people a copy of your marriage cert and it's done. So no legal procedure, it's just automatic.

Anyway, having educated you, I am now going to ignore you. You are obviously a troll (or just profoundly stupid).

Xiao i will take your word for it, but i wondering if it works the same for men who take their spouses surname.

I know someone who took his wife's surname. Can't remember the reasons, there were some, but he changed it.

I maintain that Brenda Jones (Mrs) was just trying to be clear that that's what she wants to called. And what's wrong with it. You're happy with just your first name and surname, she wants to bung a title on the beginning of hers. So what.

I know, why don't you email her and ask her?

xiao it doesn't automatically become your surname, simply because there is no such thing as an 'official' or 'legal' surname and you can call yourself whatever you like so long as you aren't doing anything fraudulent.

By custom (and that is all it is) some women adopt their husband's name, so in general organizations will accept a marriage certificate as evidence that you are using a new name. If you do nothing, you will continue to be known by the surname you had previous to your marriage.

This is one reason I get puzzled as to why so many women do change surname, it's far easier not to.

Your last paragraph is correct Compo most organisations do accept the marriage certificate as proof you've changed your name to your husband.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll

I maintain that Brenda Jones (Mrs) was just trying to be clear that that's what she wants to called. And what's wrong with it. You're happy with just your first name and surname, she wants to bung a title on the beginning of hers. So what.

Yes and in my previous post I expressly acknowledged that I understood and accepted that this probably lay behind her specifying she was "Mrs" and thanked those who pointed that out.

Why are you making the point again?

My question regarding men who change their surname is whether they need to do it by deed poll or just show the marriage certificate.

I agree that brenda is indicating that she prefers to be addressed as mrs jones.
Why would she be ofended by being called ms jones is something that i personaly cannot relate to but this thread shows that maybe she thinks she would be branded as a divorcee, lesbian or feminist. Oh the horror!

It's not that difficult to do. Just a matter of posting off the marriage certificate to whoever you want to inform. Not hard to do at all.

Sorry Jessie I got distracted and only saw your post after I'd posted my own my apologies.

Still easier not to though.

I work with someone (in her late 50's) who refers to herself as Miss "Anderson" on the telephone. So she makes calls that go "May I speak to John Jones please? It's Miss Anderson from the XYZ customer service department". And she does it in a really pompous telephone voice that is nothing like her normal voice. We all find it hilarious and no idea why she does it!

Also think of all the administrative cost that could be saved across the board if everyone just kept their own name, it creates work for me in my job whenever one of my colleagues changes their name.

Yeah but she'd probably still sound pompous if she was a Mrs

Aren't you tempted to ask her what her first name is? I would!

Apology accepted MrsItsNow.

nooyearnooname maybe "Miss Anderson" was a teacher in a previous job?

The only time I would refer to myself as "Mrs McJessie" would be if I was calling for DH ("can I speak to Mr McJessie please?") and someone asked me who I was - it would be said slightly jokily.