to wonder why you think I care about your marital status?

[JessieMcJessie]

I've just received an email from the personal assistant to someone I am meeting later today. Her standard signature at the bottom of the e-mail (name changed of course) is

Mrs Brenda Jones

I sometimes see communications from other women signed off "Brenda Jones (Mrs)"

Why on earth do people do this? Do any of you do this?

NB although her name is not really Brenda, it was an unmistakeably female name, so it wasn't to stop any confusion about her gender. And I myself have a unisex first name but I still never put Mrs on my letters or emails (nor Miss before I was married).

I suppose it's just old fashioned but how awful that society ever thought that marital status and ability to do a job were in any way connected.

Her recent one is just rambling!
Did you have a point about 'name changing' MrsIts?

It made perfect sense to me. Or have you called rambling because you don't understand it?

I always sign my name off with Mrs, because that is how I prefer to be addressed. If I receive correspondence with no title on it, I will call to find out if the person is a Miss or a Mrs before responding because I certainly do not feel comfortable with addressing a complete stranger by their first name. I don't think it is appropriate at all. It is nothing to do with being married (I am actually going through a divorce) and I would feel exactly the same if I were a "miss" but it is all to do with addressing somebody courteously. I would never presume that somebody is either a Miss, Mrs or Ms...so prefer to know. Maybe IABU?

I have a message from Mrs Brenda Jones. Being a mild-mannered and somewhat excessively polite lady she is upset that her email signature has caused a fight on the internet about a tangential subject.

Oh and it turns out her birth name was Trevor.

I think it's hugely unprofessional to refer to someone by their first name, and I have pulled people up on this in the workplace. It's a sign of respect to refer to someone by their full name and I would always ask someone to use their first name before doing so.

It is so sad that manners are being lost and no one thinks it's a big deal...

Apparently according to one of my co-workers "Ms. means you are frumpy".

Hahahahahahaha! Jessie

I haven't read the whole thread but I sometimes write (Mrs) after my name. But only so that if someone is getting back to me they can use the my preferred title rather than guessing.

Doesn't mean I'm making a statement about being married, it is a purely practical thing.

AuntieDee, I couldn't agree more. I have also always told my eldest child to address her friends parents as Mr or Mrs until she is told otherwise. I will do the same with my youngest. I hate the presumption. My eldest child goes to a rather "free thinking" school which now has a policy of allowing the children to address teachers by their first name. I actually disagree with this entirely and am quite glad that she will be leaving shortly after her exams in May. I sound so terribly old fashioned but I am not really, it's just manners, so very much lacking in this day and age.

I disagree that it's "just manners." It's a social convention. Social conventions evolve and change. First names are much more acceptable than they used to be.

As in so many things, the Quakers have the right idea: no titles, no honorifics, first names in most settings, including addressing teachers.

SenecaFalls, that's as maybe, but I don't agree with it and would prefer my children not to address adults by their first names unless invited to do so. I have to say, most of her friends didn't presume to call me by my first name either, so I am not alone. I am also not a Quaker. However, I do understand and respect your opinion and you are right in that social conventions have changed so very much. I am just not sure that it is a good thing.

Ha, are you 12 or something Babbity. Reaching and goading much!

Apparently according to one of my co-workers "Ms. means you are frumpy".

Wtf.

I am afraid that convention is well in the past TheF. I have 3 children and they call all their friend's parents by their first names and their friends call us by our first names.

Bam, your language is very teenage in style or perhaps just grammatically incorrect?

why do you need to know if your Indian colleages are male or female? . You obviously already write to them on a first name basis so no need for Mr/Mrs/Miss forms of address. Would knowing their gender change how you relate to them?
It's nice to know someone's gender so if you phone them you are not thrown when you pictured a woman and find out it's a man (or vice versa). Obviously it's not necessary to know but I think it makes the world a slightly nicer place knowing who you're conversing with.

In reality we don't even need to know the person's name - just sign off as Employee No. 7654 or Personal Assistant No. 7 (sometimes in a large corporation you can be made to feel like a robot and I have been very tempted to do this)

She can't be a Mrs. Brenda Jones. If her husband is Harry, she is a Mrs. Harry Jones, because the Mrs. tells us that Harry is her husband. She can't be married to herself. Look it up in any punctuation book, it's still relevant and still true today in the formal world. So not only is she using it incorrectly, she's using it to tell people she's married.

When I first got married I signed my name Mrs. Jim Brown. I've since got to thinking that while correct, it sounds sexist and I go by either Jane Brown or Ms. Jane Brown. I never use my husband's name any more, but if I did it would still be correct.

Come on - who nowadays would call someone Mrs. Harry Jones?

I never use my husband's name any more, but if I did it would still be correct

According to whom? Debretts?

I was taught by nuns (many years ago) that the correct way to address a letter to a married couple is; Mr and Mrs Hisname His surname. But my sister (younger by 10 years) was taught the 'modern' version;
Mr and Mrs Her initial and His initial His surname!
Both forms are sexist and outdated.

Crane's Blue Book of Stationary. Sorry, it's still used in formal circles like it or use it or not.

Stationery

Still goading and telling people to calm down etc and leave the thread if it's getting too much for them. How many is that now - you David Cameron? Bit predictable and now starting on grammar, tsk.

Still upset about it , are you Bam? It's not real life, you know.Didn't one of you 'uncalm/angry' posters report me ? So, what's supposed to happen then? I am still here.

And don't we know it

I think the bitchy attitudes here towards each other are far more damaging to the perception of women, than a title could ever be. MN has such a bad reputation and so many on this thread are proving that right. A bunch of cliquey, bitchy women :( says a lot about womanhood :(

At least if you post her something you know who to address it to on the envelope.