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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say i can't attend this meeting about DS2s attendance?

461 replies

velvetspoon · 18/03/2015 09:40

Letter received Monday evening asking me to attend a meeting at 1pm on Thursday.

I can't take a day off work with 48 hours notice. And it would have to be a full day due to timing of the meeting.

I replied to that effect, and asked for another day with at least 7 days notice but got a very snippy reply back saying it was a serious matter, and such meetings were important, etc, etc...

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 18/03/2015 14:40

Sunny - it's not recorded as an absence in my LA, or the next one over, as they both use the same system and the same software.

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/03/2015 14:41

well arent you lucky then tabulahrasa LOL

maz210 · 18/03/2015 14:45

Sunny - our school has different codes for lateness/absence/dentist appointments etc. We get a sheet home at the end of the year with the total attendance that has a key for the different codes on the bottom.

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/03/2015 14:47

well in many LEAs it is the same code for lateness and absense inasmuch as it affects the attendance records. I am not making this up for fun, people.

Original poster
velvetspoon · 18/03/2015 14:47

Lateness is recorded as absence here.

I'm not expecting them to instantly send him home without contacting me (or his father if I'm unavailable) first. However they don't do that, just return him to lessons.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 18/03/2015 14:48

Well it's handy for knowing which crime to punish my DC for...and if you're moving between the two areas.

I'd be stuffed if we moved somewhere else though, lol.

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 14:48

Its recorded differently in my area too. Late is different to absence. Which it is in real terms.

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 14:49

So his dad is in picture? Can he help?

tabulahrasa · 18/03/2015 14:49

Sunny - I didn't think you were making it up, just saying that it's not universal Smile

Turns out it is relevant to the OP though.

Hakluyt · 18/03/2015 14:51

But velvetspoon, you wouldn't be able to leave work to collect him anyway, so it wouldn't be any good if they did call......

BarbarianMum · 18/03/2015 14:51

At our school lateness is arrival at school after the bell has gone but before the end of the registration period. If you arrive after the registration period, even by a couple of minutes, you may be late but you are marked as absent.

maras2 · 18/03/2015 14:55

Poor kid needs a doctor's check up.None of my children had a sick day.I don't know how you cope with it,I'd have been demented trying to juggle poorly kids and a full time job. Flowers. Cake for being a good mum.

Original poster
velvetspoon · 18/03/2015 14:56

As to taking him to school, I'd have to drop him there at 715 to get to work on time. I doubt very much the school gates are even open then.

OP posts:
Icimoi · 18/03/2015 15:00

Seriously, can you not look at renegotiating your work hours, at least for a short time? Can his father take him occasionally? The school is entitled to expect you to make at least some effort since, even if he is getting good results at the moment, this must be having an adverse effect on his education.

But if I were you I would insist that one of the items on the agenda for the meeting is how they deal with illness in school. They really do need to be called to account for failing to take his concussion more seriously.

tabulahrasa · 18/03/2015 15:04

If he left at the same time as you, but walked, would that get him there any closer to a normal time?

Could his dad go past on his way to work to get him out?

Do you have a friend or neighbour that could knock for him at a certain time, yours just to chivvy him out or one of his friends to walk him?

Could you take him to work (not inside obviously) and he then gets the bus from there to school? Or partway to work and bus back? You could use that as a punishment, give him a certain time to get up early and have to do that for without absences and then straight back to doing it if he takes a day off not authorised by you.

MarvellousMarbles · 18/03/2015 15:05

What about finding a childminder for mornings? They often have drop-offs at 7.15 or earlier, even. They would then walk him to school. I know it's not usual for a 13 year old to have one, but the embarrassment might kick him into gear!

ragged · 18/03/2015 15:05

Education officers come round to fetch truant pupils, really?

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/03/2015 15:07

no I made it up because I have a sexual fantasy about the EWO ragged. FFS.

tabulahrasa · 18/03/2015 15:11

There are all sorts of welfare/support people in education doing all sorts of things that sound odd to anyone who has never had a relative or child with issues to do with school or worked in schools.

ohbollocks2u · 18/03/2015 15:12

Think I must live in the same area of sunny she speaketh the truth ??

Just go to the meeting and see what they say

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 15:14

Sunny - why so sensitive? No one said you made it up. Just that it isn't the same in their area. No one is having a go. Simply saying its different.

ohbollocks2u · 18/03/2015 15:15

as not of

UsuallyLurking1 · 18/03/2015 15:15

Sorry OP, I sympathise with your position re the school and I don't think you are avoiding the meeting.

However i do get a sense you are avoiding the issues with your sons 'illnesses' and to frankly enabling them. If this 'mild concussion' was a doctors diagnosis then if I was you I'd be champing at the bit to get in there and challenge how the school is managing its policy on illness and incidents at school. That is a serious issue if he had a concussion. Being honest, I suspect that is your or your sons diagnosis and this is the problem. Unless there are serious underlying health issues 15% non attendance due to illness smacks of a poor student attitude and I'm sorry, but poor parenting.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/03/2015 15:20

Okay, so we mostly agree that the meeting should be rearranged (I think it has been?) and that it's worth asking about the school's "illness policy" - but also that it's possible the DS may sometimes be taking the whatsit

OP you know him and of course we don't, so what do you feel the answer could be? Can I suggest it might be worth preparing some suggestions pre-meeting, so you don't risk them thinking you're passing the problem entirely to them?

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/03/2015 15:23

give her a break about the 'poor parenting' lurking . People are v smug until they too have problems.
notso am I getting defensive? Possibly because every time I state a fact based on my experience someone comes along and says oh really? or 'that is not how it is' or whatever.

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