to say i can't attend this meeting about DS2s attendance?

[velvetspoon]

Letter received Monday evening asking me to attend a meeting at 1pm on Thursday.

I can't take a day off work with 48 hours notice. And it would have to be a full day due to timing of the meeting.

I replied to that effect, and asked for another day with at least 7 days notice but got a very snippy reply back saying it was a serious matter, and such meetings were important, etc, etc...

Actually, I though ragged's comment was definately implying that Sunny was lying. Not trying to stir, but I can see why it was taken that way.

OP, you talk about what "their strategy" might be. Well what is your strategy? You seem to be looking to the school to sort things for you. I get you'd like reassurance they will let him go home if he becomes ill but aside from that what is YOUR plan? Because to be honest you're sounding a bit passive about it.

Sunny - we all know LEAs work differently. You were the one who started the 'you are wrong' when in actual fact people were merely pointing out not everywhere does it the same. I don't see the problem with pointing out that while it might be the fact in your area, its not in all.

I do find it strange that at no point did the OP say that some absences were actually lateness, until someone said lateness can be recorded as absences. Even though it was questioned.

Barbarian I can't see raggeds comment about lateness I can only see ragged questioning whether eductation officers would take a child to school. Maybe its my crap phone

Tell the school you will call them to discuss it anytime they like. They do not require your physical presence (just his!), they need to discuss the situation with you and come up with a plan. This can be done on the phone. Face to face may be preferred but it is not essential and any meeting will cost you 2 hours of work time.

Just to say an attendence of 85% is really low! It's nearly a day off a week.

We can't even blame the statistics - it's not that he had one week off in the 1st half term so one week in 6 weeks ( would give aporox that percentage ). He's not a little kid getting chicken pox and ear infections, he's a 13yr old enough has had a bit of a tummy bug, a few colds and bumped his head. Of course it's possible to get a significant head injury falling over in a corridor but really it's pretty unlikely (or did he run full tilt into a wall?) .

Op I can understand the schools frustration with you as well as your side as a working parent. I assume this isn't the first time they've aporoached you about it.

Barring the usual mumsnet " no special needs, no bullying " caveats he needs to man up and go to school! Ok maybe a couple of days off for the gastroenteritis but a cold " and he slept all day" - wouldn't we all given the chance, but actually we learn to get on with it.

You are enabling him in behaviour that is compromising his education and will make him, long term unemployable - what employer would keep someone with an 85% attendence record and no significant medical issues? Odd sick days of the pattern he has would very quickly bring you into disciplinary procedures.

Just for comparison my 3 were almost never off school. Dd2 had maybe 3 days last year in total - not a month or a term, in total. DS had a few weeks off ( in while school carreer) pneumonia, and rugby injuries ( neck, torn muscle and fractured clavicle - and the memorable hockey ball to mouth ,where he couldnt eat/ drink ! ) . I'm sure other kids of mn are similar. I know kids with chronic diseases (diabetes , asthma that needs steroids or admissions) who have better attendance records than that.

So as I say I'm very sympathetic to the issues of a working parent trying to get time off etc but actually the problem isn't school, it's your parenting of your son as regards appropriate behaviour when poorly. Hope you can get him on board and in school.

"when in actual fact people were merely pointing out not everywhere does it the same."
not until Hak said that, no they were not.
Whatever.
I am probably just stressed , ticking off the days til GCSEs, its been a hell of a five years getting the children to school. Then you read comments on sites like this and it is all ' ooh your poor parenting'.
Funny that the other person with parental responsibility has abdicated the whole fucking lot and NEVER gets slagged off.
Sorry I am really upset actually.

fuck i just welled up and I am in public. must be the poor parenting.

Yabu.
The school have recognised a problem that needs to be dealt with. They want to work with you to fix an issue that is having a detrimental effect on your sons education, future employment and ultimately his life choices.
You have told them you are too busy in your very important job to meet with them and discuss your childs best interests.

They have offered an alternative date and time to accomodate you when you should be bending over backwards to accept their help in a strategy to get your son to school and you are still complaining!

You need to get your son to school. If you dont and go to prison how will that affect your job?
Stop blaming the school and start taking responsibility for your choices.

Sunny I am sorry you are stressed out, but hak said 'maybe the do it differently' which why I think you are being sensitive. I hope you are ok. I have asked about the father and had no response so can only assume he isn't in the picture. Which is shit, but doesn't change the situation.

Sunny and OP, it's not bad parenting. Teens are hard work, you try your best, you they pulled in every direction by work, kids, school and you often just get carried along by the stress. Last thing you need is people then saying it's bad parenting. One person can only manage so much, and a bit more support and a little less blame would go a long way.

thank you and the people saying it is poor parenting probably have rich husbands and fucking money and cars and shit.
Sorry I better go.

Sunny - all I meant is that it's not recorded the same everywhere, sorry if what I put made it sound like I meant something else.

As for poor parenting - if you get your teenager to adulthood without an issue at some point, it isn't because you're a better parent than the family who didn't, often it's luck, much the same as whether your baby sleeps or not.

Of course the school just send him back to lessons, unless he has some underlying health issue( in which case you need to take him to the doctors) he is trying it on.

Ok, " poor parenting" was harsh and unfair. I'd missed that the gp diagnosed the concussion and my comment was made with the assumption that it was self diagnosed. In which case the school needs challenging seriously on why they didn't think that was worthy of contActing a parent.

I don't withdraw the 'enabling' comment, it's definitley going on here. 3 days off out of every 20 school days is either an undiagnosed health issue or a parent that rolls over every time the child claims to be ill because they have the sniffles or 'feels sick'.

And sunny, I'm not being smug and we face our own problems. The difference is we deal with them and don't expect everyone else to adapt around us.

Unless there are serious underlying health issues 15% non attendance due to illness smacks of a poor student attitude and I'm sorry, but poor parenting.

Or maybe the OP's son has just been, well. ill. My goodness my son has had perhaps 3 days off school in the last 5 years for illness yet I can appreciate that not everyone is as lucky with their health! For goodness sake. Maybe he's taking the mick, maybe he isn't. Maybe he does need help to realise that he can get through a school day even if he's feeling a bit under the weather. That's for the meeting. I'm glad it's been rearranged and hope you reach a sensible plan for the future. And maybe people could take hoik their judgey-pants up and go off to another thread to spread disapproval...

As for lateness, I don't know off the top of my head if it's recorded differently to absence in my area but I do know that my sons' school issues detentions for lateness (presumably unless the parent says there's some good reason for it).

I notice you say 'we' for a start - would that be you and your husband in gainful employment? Well aren't you the lucky one?

Well this is just turning very nasty...

Twinkle, too right.

I haven't read very far into this thread, but have got to say that I totally disagree with the term 'poor parenting'.
When I was at secondary school, I was bullied through years 7 and 8 until when I moved up to year 9, they moved up to the next school, as they were in the year above me. Throughout these years I had great friends who despite the bullying stuck by me and thankfully I have some amazing school memories along side the bullying.
I had to get on with it, because the school did nothing helpful for those 2 years. It's actually still the same now I hear, as other schools are the same, too.
Throughout secondly school because of the bullying, my mind was everywhere and often I didn't want to go into school, and didn't.
My mum knew about the bullying but with the school not doing anything, we had no help. It wasn't my mums fault I wanted to take dad off here and there. I rarely did a full week of school. However my mum was always there for me and of course encouraged me to try and go. Aside from that, what more could she have done other than force me? I'll add that one day I wasn't even dressed in full school uniform but she said she was dragging me to school in the car to make sure I went. On the way I got myself so worked up and hysterical that she gave in. It couldn't have been easy for her because I certainly didn't make it easy! I was awful to her sometimes and all she did was try her best. In the end after letters about my attendance, she eventually had to go to court and pay a fine.
Which now I feel terribly guilty about and can't believe I put her through it all. It wasn't poor parenting, it was me being the way I was and partly the school for not helping.

With regards to the OP's actual post, I'd echo what someone else said and make a polite phone call to the school to arrange a more suitable date. However, if they're saying they can't change it, could you possibly speak to work confidentially about it?

well you said it love not me

and I couldn't care less. Was never attacking the OP, But the honestly of this site is what makes it good. I might well be completely wrong on this thread I probably am, but that's my opinion and sometimes it helps for people to put another side.

Perhaps we should all just put flower posts and sob over the thread whilst telling OP it's everyone else's fault. Particularly the Tory party and people who work fucking hard for a good life.

Might go and burn some money now for fun, the nanny is picking the kids up tonight.

DS is habitually truant and I can't even get the school EWO to ring us back, much less turn up on the doorstep.