to say i can't attend this meeting about DS2s attendance?

[velvetspoon]

Letter received Monday evening asking me to attend a meeting at 1pm on Thursday.

I can't take a day off work with 48 hours notice. And it would have to be a full day due to timing of the meeting.

I replied to that effect, and asked for another day with at least 7 days notice but got a very snippy reply back saying it was a serious matter, and such meetings were important, etc, etc...

OP I am sure you have done so already, but if not, it would be an idea to ask the school for a full list of absences since the start of this year to be provided to you prior to the meeting.

You will then be a position to check them against your records, and identify any discrepancies.

I know both of my DC's schools mark lateness as absence, so this might be contributing to the overall absence stats for your DS.

Given your background Op can't you see the importance of your ds getting the best possible qualifications? The job market is so competitive nowadays and life is so expensive.
I'm not to sure about the suggestions about employing an au pair or babysitter but most of the suggestions made have been perfectly reasonable. The only suggestion you were open to is the idea of dropping him to school early but you still haven't found out if that's possible. Can't you ask another parent or look in the school handbook or keep calling the school back?

I think showing him (by what you say and your actions in ensuring he attends) you feel this to be an important issue and that you want him to grow up with a great work ethic like your own and do his best at school, will have an effect on his attitude. Similarly if you make a new rule about sensible bed times and enforce it he may not like it but may respect it as he knows deep down it is for his own good. At the moment you are not insisting on these things because you probably think it is not that big a deal and he is picking up on that. But if he thinks you feel it is really important and worthwhile as well as being for the good of the family he will be more likely to go along with the new rules.

Beryl, your point has already been discussed, but if a student is late after registration, this is marked with a unique code and counts towards absence. Some posters thought it was a bad idea because students who are a bit late might then decide not to go in at all for the morning session because they'll be marked absent anyway.

My view on this was that if a student thinks this way, you have a bigger problem on your hands than how the school records lateness

Rhonda different schools mark lateness differently. In both my DC's schools lateness is marked as an absence, full stop. No different codings, just absent. I know there was discussion earlier in the thread where others use different codes for lateness. The OP said the same about her DS's school, in which case it is a good idea to get a complete list of dates which the school have marked as absent in order to compare against her own records to work out which have been absences she is aware of, which are lateness, and which may be absences she is unaware of because her exH has phoned in.

On that final point OP, is there an element of DS playing you off against each other by getting his Dad to ring in absences? Does that need to be addressed with your DS?

A 13 year old - esp 13 year old boy - is still "little"...esp interms of managing their own time, seeing to themselves etc.

What are they doing for food from 4pm - 9:30pm...? - Are they seeing to themselves? It is a very very long time for them both to be left alone every day - I'm sorry, but it is.

I know in your opinion every minute at work is necessary, and cannot be compromised on - but companies have a responsibility to you in terms of work/life balance - and in terms of "presenteeism" - just because you are doing those hours doesn't actually mean that you are doing the best work you can.

Work with your work and the school - maybe 2 days a week you go in later allwing you to drop DS2 off at school.

Maybe 1 other day you leave at 4 so you can be home with him to make dinner etc.

I definitely agree that bedtime is an absolute must - I'm sorry you don't believe in bedtimes - now may be the time to start! Its all very well to have parenting philosophies, and "your way that things have always been done" but when they impact on your child's education to the extent that the EWO are involved, then thats definitely the time to make changes and compromises on your beliefs.

My DD2 is 8. Every single morning the first thing she says when she wakes up is "i'm not well...everything hurts, I don't feel well"......because she has just woken up and she wants to stay in her bed. In 3 years time when she is 11 (and about as mature as a 13 year old boy), I'm sure she will still say that every morning - and if she was left by herself she'd go back to bed too.

I totally agree with poster above-your ds is being left for a long time on his own and is using that to his advantage in some ways and is trying to get your attention. Is there no way you can arrange if so you are there for breakfast/school drop off time?

Yes, I agree things in my LA may be different from in other LAs.

But in general there are usually two kinds of lateness - before registers close (late) and after registers close (unauthorised absence).

This is because it's accepted that it would be unfair if someone who was five minutes late through the door because the school bus was delayed in traffic was marked as missing the same amount of school as someone who turns up five minutes before the lunch bell.

In essence, some posters want me to embrace every single suggestion even the hopelessly unworkable ones, and agree to them

Call me dense, but I'm struggling to find any posts - any at all - suggesting that OP should embrace every single suggestion ...

OK. I have RTFT now and I have a suggestion: take your DS seriously and take him to the doctor.

I doubt, from what you say, that he has any real health problems apart from lack of sleep. But (judging by my own 13yo) he would not admit to this. The doctor will ask him all sorts of questions and maybe even get him to fill in a diary (my DS had to do this because he was getting migraines). The doctor will also tell him authoritatively about all the research that shows the bad effects on sleep of screen use less than two hours before bed, how much sleep he should be getting, etc. It all comes across much better when a doctor says it that when your mum does (even if your mum is a doctor, I should think -- not that I am).

My DS was adamant that he was not using his tablet much at all, and that it was not affecting his sleep. Once he'd filled in the migraine diary, he could actually see the correlation for himself and started regulating his own bedtime.

I'm not getting at you, but I imagine it is very tough for him that you are working such long hours. I don't think that helps but I'm not sure what you can do about it. Unless you're in the partnership race in a big firm (though as you describe it as a legal role, it sounds in-house) I would have thought that you could get backing from HR to be firm about leaving the office at a decent time. Unless you're anxious about not endangering this job -- and I can see why you would be as it's all on your shoulders.

I have made a GP appt for DS. Will see what if anything comes of that.

I have tried to contact the school again, leaving another message yesterday, but I don't now expect a response before the meeting, so will ask whatever I need to re before and after school arrangements then. As mentioned the school aren't great at responding to correspondence. When DS was off with concussion, and then with a cold verging on flu (we all had it and were wiped out for 48-72 hours each) I emailed the school both times and asked if they could send DS details of any work he'd missed, homework assignments etc. The latter absence was just before half term so I didn't want him to miss out, and knew if he had the details he could tackle it in the holidays once better. I never got a reply - i mentioned this to one of his subject teachers at parents evening who said emails and messages didn't always get passed on. I do still try and contact the school when i need to, but have little expectation of a response.

As to work, i don't work excessively long hours. I get in around 845, and finish around 5-5.30. I am often one of the last in, and one of the first to leave. Flexible working would mean either working later so seeing even less of the DC, or reducing my salary which at the moment i can't really afford. As I've said I'm not normally home at 9, its more like 7. The DC have a snack when they get in (cereal, toast, sandwich etc) and then i cook dinner once I'm home. If i am going to be very late, they will either eat leftovers in the fridge (pasta,cold meat etc) or make themselves a snack tea of gammon and eggs or similar. They're very able to cook for themselves (DS2 is really very good in the kitchen - his Food Tech teacher was disappointed he's not doing her subject next year) so I'm not worried they will starve,plus we don't have crisps, biscuits etc generally so they're not just eating rubbish in my absence.

Velvet I think you are doing a brilliant job in very difficult circumstances. It's not easy single handedly earning a wage to support your family, with, from the sounds of it, little or no support network.

OP, one thing you might want to suggest at the meeting, though not directly connected to the attendance issue, is the poor communication you post about.

While I would not expect office staff to chase up work from individual teachers on a parents' behalf, what would help would be to publish individual teachers' school email addresses so that students can contact their teachers direct to be sent work they've missed through illness.

Another method, used in DS's sixth form college, is having a Moodle with all homework posted by the teacher, so that no student can claim they weren't given it or they weren't in the lesson. This has the additional benefit of making students responsible for their own homework, taking the pressure off parents.

LOL at the idea of parents knowing individual subject teachers' emails! I'm guessing you haven't ever worked in a school. You have no idea of the insane demands some parents pester the school with. Poor teachers have a hard enough job as it is withou having to have their inbox filled up with daft things from parents!

Asking to speak to a head of year is the most appropriate thing. They disseminate the info to appropriate staff. Part of their job is dealing with "problem" parents on the phone.

If a pupil wants to ask their subject teacher what work they've missed while thry had a couple of days off sick they can ask them in person when they go back. If they're going to be off for a while (in hospital etc) then the parent should phone the head of year and they would then ensure that important work is passed on from subject teachers to parents.

I hav always had all my children's individual subject teacher's emails- the 4 secondary schools I am involved with give them to parents as a matter of course.

I am surprised to hear that, haklyut, genuinely surprised. If it works in those schools, then great. I can't really see it working in the school where I work. Some of the parents' behaviour is worse than their children's!

I hav always had all my children's individual subject teacher's emails- the 4 secondary schools I am involved with give them to parents as a matter of course.

Me, too. I haven't emailed one of them very often, but when I have, I usually get a response the same day.

Teachers at ds's school have a target to reply to a parent's email within 48 hours. Ideally 24.

It's so much easier than responding to phone calls. And it means you have a record of everything that's been said on both sides. Very useful!

I have had four parental emails today. Entirely standard in secondary schools IME.

"I can't really see it working in the school where I work. Some of the parents' behaviour is worse than their children's!"

Yep, ours too. That's one of the reasons emails are better than phone calls!

Completely standard to have individual teacher emails in two of the three schools round here, too.

It's been interesting having children at more than one school, as I can counter 'Ooh, no, that would never work' with 'That's how they do it at her brother's school.'

Dp once drew a cartoon of the staff room at ds's school the morning after reports come out with his teachers all sitting round with cups of tea and their iPads- counting down to my emails pinging in.......

"Yep, ours too. That's one of the reasons emails are better than phone calls!"

Good point! I take back my suggestion that it couldn't possibly work!

DS truants a lot OP is braver than me I would never ask you harpies for a thing. DS is at a school which doesn't give out teacher emails and the student centre doesn't return our calls.

DD's school gives out everyone's email and we get fast replies.