to think that putting your 14yo on the pill and letting her sleep with her boyfriend at home is just bloody WRONG?

[macmonkey]

An (I thought) otherwise reasonable Mum has not only encouraged her 14yo to have sex with her boyfriend of several months but has the boy staying practically every weekend and lets them sleep together. I honestly believe she thinks it's the way to 'keep' a boyfriend. The first time she sent the girl to sleep with bf was when all the girls were over for a sleepover. What kind of message does that send to them? Not to mention the younger siblings, also in the house. So when her DS gets to 14 and brings a girl home, will she let them start shagging under her roof too? Or will she discuss it first with girl's parents, maybe? FFS. I'm practically speechless.

When did sex become so completely and utterly meaningless and immature. It's supposed to be the very opposite

You only have to browse he Relationships board on here to know that meaningless, unfulfilling and coercive sex is not the unique preserve of teenage relationships.

true Rhonda

I agree with what you are saying Clockingoff

People counselling their teenagers to "respect their bodies" and thinking that means "don't have sex" are sending a pretty confusing message. Teenaged bodies of both genders pretty much want to have sex.

Also it seems that this advice meant in this way is really only given to girls. Pretty sexist and retrograde IMO - it sort of says, girls, ignore your bodily urges when it comes to sex as a method of "respect". I can't think if a time that a teenaged boy's sexual activity is discussed as a symbol of his lack of self/ bodily respect.

Agree, outsself.

And think of all the scare-mongering from certain sections of the media when it's suggested that infant children should be taught about healthy relationships, saying no and keeping safe.

I am shocked at the level of vitriol directed at 1) teenage girl who have sex, and 2) the parents of these teens, whether they know or not.

I have two girls and when they reach their teens I hope I am respectful enough to give them privacy. Sex is something they will never be vilified for, and nor would I expect to know the truth of their sex lives at that age anyway.

What they will have is my unconditional love and support and access to free healthcare and contraception without judgement.

It's bloody hard to grow into a woman. I wish this thread showed more support for teenage girls and not condemnation of them and their parents. They are not shameful, law breaking slots for being sexually active.

Well said, thorny!

I don't think there has been widespread vitriol on here at all . Those of us who have teens love them unconditionally but with boundaries, and in my house one of those boundaries is that you don't sleep with your GFs/BFs at 14 under my roof. If they expected that, or if I condoned it, then I would be looking very carefully at my parenting.

Outself, I never wanted sex as a teenager? Im sure not all teenagers want sex! And Thorny, yes they are law breaking!

I don't let my child steal, but yet some people think that you don't have to obey all laws. Ive never understood the "its ok and its healthy to have sex", the law is there for a reason.

And 'they are going to do it anyway, so id rather them be safe" is really a pathetic excuse IMO!

I find this hands up, shoulders shrugged and "what can you do?" approach baffling. There's a lot you can do, you're the parent!

I totally agree.

When they hit 17/18, it's a different story. But at 14, if you are proclaiming that it is impossible to keep track of your 14 year old or stop them from doing something / going somewhere that they want to go, then I am afraid you need to evaluate your parents skills because to a large majority if parents, they are seriously lacking.

"They are going to do it anyway"

The lazy parents motto in life.

the law is there to protect them when they are too young to make safe decisions for themselves. I find parents making safe sex decisions for their children to be a bit creepy to be honest. How old is the boyfriend allowed to be - 14, 16, 42?

And at 14 they are too young - which is why the law exists.

Thorny, whilst your post is admirable in some ways, I totally disagree. If you were taking about a 17 or 18 year old, then I agree. However we are talking about a 14 year old here.

A 14 year old is a child. A child. The freedom you propose is dangerous at that age.

Being strict, having rules, withdrawing privileges and keeping on top of where your young teens are does not mean you do not love your child unconditionally. It means that you are not just going for the path of least resistance.

I think the above posters are seriously lacking in realism.

Put the hysteria aside, teenagers having sex is a normal thing and it will always happe. You are right that it is technically breaking the law, but 14 year olds don't get convicted of underage sex because it's normal.

Sorry for typos my phone keyboard seems to hate me.

Thorny, teenage sex is indeed normal.

There is one hell of a gulf between a 14 year old and a 19 year old.

You honestly would be totally chilled with your 14 year old having sex?

"Being strict, having rules, withdrawing privileges and keeping on top of where your young teens are does not mean you do not love your child unconditionally. It means that you are not just going for the path of least resistance."

This sounds lovely and just like something my mum would have said when I was 14.

Of course I was off enjoying my sexuality and she had no idea.

If you think that she was lacking as a parent or lazy or turning a blind eye, you are wrong.

When she did find out she was hysterical. I was ashamed.

I won't do that to my daughters.

how about being happy with them having sex at 14 WITH a 19 year old, or 42 year old?

I was a 14 y/o having sex under my parents roof with them knowing.

They were correct in the assumption i'd have found a way.

Both sets of parents knew, and both handled it well. His parents gave him the talk and supplied condoms, my parents gave me the talk and discussed contraception with me.

We were safe. We moved on from that relationship as well rounded individulas.

My mother later called me a slut for it. Whaddya know?

With my girls, well, time will tell. Surely it depends on the teenagers involved?

I agree with enjoying my coffee. When my dds turn 18, what they do sexually will be their own affair. But at 14? Condoning sex that early? No way. 14 is a child.

I think the above posters are seriously lacking in realism

Quite the opposite - and I say that as a parent of 17 and 15 year old teens.

Mmmm my parents told both myself and dsis that sex was for wedding nights blah blah and happily hid their heads in the sand while dsis got pregnant at 15 and had a secret abortion while I learned from her mistake and took myself off to the brook centre at 15 so I couid shag away without concequences.

My parents would have banged in about boundaries and parenting skills too and had a preen with no idea what was going in in our lives. Indeed my dm refused to belive the school bus driver was sexually touching us as 7/8 year olds. They were blinded by propriety.

My dss were allowed gfs to stop over at 16 but not one night stands.

My teen dds now the older one asked for contraceptive advice at 15 and we went to the brook together and she has the implant. Her bf stops at our house and they are nearly now 16. She is safe, protected, and valued by her parents as we listened to her. But most of all she values herself.

Dd 4 is 14 and she absolutly knows we will listen to her and support her choices and discuss anything she likes.
It's not a case of pushing children into having sex, most don't. But it's a case of dealing with circumstances that are presented to you in a sensible way and not wearing blinkers.

No dd of mine will be a teen pregnancy. Not on your Nellie. And no dd of mine will be as unsupported and as unprepared for like as me and dsis were.