feeling disappointed

[dragonfly007]

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

YABU

I woke up late which was nice.

DS messed up my eggs benedict bless him. DH took the dogs for a walk and the stupid cat decided to have the shits so I have been cleaning that up and now need to cut his fur. My kids are arguing, my son is now trying to do my eggs again and my younger teen is doing the bacon and just set the fire alarm off, so doubt that is going very well

My morning has been very stressful. Dh is back now and will be cleaning the kitchen but he then needs to pop out to his mums for a bit and do some shopping.

I'm happy they made a bit of effort. Ohhh my eggs are here at last.. don't know where the hollandaise sauce has gone though.

Crikey you are so unreasonable. Your dc made you breakfast to show their appreciation and all you can do is moan. Poor kids.

YABU, I don't understand how you can't see why so few people agree with you!

I don't think Mother's Day is about gift giving and fawning adoration for what we do, to me it's about being bloody lucky and grateful that I am a mother

You do realise that many women would give almost anything to have experienced your morning, and cherished it grandly for evermore, rather than jumping on mn to moan!

I won't call you vile OP, or question your attitude. All I'll say is that you remind me of my mother, and I haven't acknowledged mothers day in years. Too much hard work appreciating someone who thinks they are some amazing gift to their children (you know, the same children you chose to have and look after). It hurts as a kid, trying to do something nice and knowing, even by just a look, you've done it wrong.

Oh, yabu for using the word 'delish' though. Unless your Nigella Lawson.

I am reminded of St Lucia's Day which we always celebrated in my house - we wore white and had special garlands in our hair and bought our mum and dad breakfast in bed.

When I was 8 I got super excited and organised my younger sisters without waiting for anyone to get up and give guidance.

An unedible breakfast was duly delivered at 5 am by children singing out of tune. Thankfully my mum was a sweetie and didn't let on for years that she was anything other than delighted.

I think YABU.

My children don't live with me right now, so spending any time in their company is a gift worth it's weight in chocolates or cards or terrible breakfast.

YABU OP.Yes things weren't perfect but it's likely your children really wanted to make the effort and your DP showed that rather then do it himself and make it 'perfect'.

IF you feel that short-changed then let your DC do all the work for fathers day too and see if your DP gets humpy or just appreciates the effort.

For those that wanted to know what expected, for my husband to take charge engage the children in a conversation about how they get their clean clothes, ironed smartly, delish food provided and cooked (things all mums do) and allowing them to choose a potted plant or small bunch off flowers to say thank you.

He helped your children make you breakfast FFS!

Mothering Sunday is a Christian celebration where people visited the main 'mother church' or cathedral once a year. Domestic servants were given a day off to go home to their 'mother church' and visit family. It has become very commercialised. We were not aware of it growing up as my parents ignored it but when my 3 brothers got married,their wives started buying cards for my mum on mothers day and I started feeling pressurised to do the same!! My kids are 12,10 and 8. The youngest made me 2 cards at school and the oldest said Happy Mothers Day. My son hasn't mentioned it. All the ladies were given posies at church today though. I don't really think dads should have to buy gifts and things from the kids, I think expectations should be age appropriate and when the kids are old enough to either ask dad to help them buy flowers or old enough to afford them themselves, that is when you might get some. A home made card is more precious than anything else.

I think you need to lower your expectations. You don't want your children growing up thinking whatever they did was never good enough for you.
I think what they did sounds so sweet and I would've laughed yet been touched by efforts of home made pancakes gone wrong.
Why such high expectations? What's wrong with croissants or toast and a small bunch of flowers?
I was thrilled to bits at the fact that my children really wanted to do something for me. What they did or bought doesn't really matter.

Mad as a bunch of frogs ... My kids didn't follow the 3 item receipe, they didn't undercook breakfast it was the husband and this was never about the children who proudly did their best and are completely unaware of how disappointed I was.

I make an effort every day to make sure we have a well run household because I love them, I was upset this morning by my husband having not made much of an effort considering their ages and that he is their father, he loves me and should want me to feel happy and valued.

Whilst I have been called precious, vile and told to reduce my expectations. I have since resumed control, organised a picnic and travelled to a really fab park to scooter and play with the kids, dinner is on having been prepared by me and I have just baked my own cake. All things that make my family happy, I was upset as I expect mothers day to be their father taking control and providing breakfast and a small token gift in bed. This is the first year, I haven't ran around after my mother \ mil and respective families.

Frankly I am stunned

Hathal, I would have loved croissants and flowers in bed but the husband didn't bother to go to the shop and buy either that is the whole point! I am being flamed for having wanted this.

Frankly I am stunned

Me too. But not for the same reason nor at the same people.

If you need your husband to buy you presents on Mother's Day and bring you a perfectly cooked breakfast in bed to make you "feel happy and valued" then you have big problems with either you self confidence or relationship or both imo.

Oh this is another AIBU... Yes you are... No I'm not.

I have since resumed control

you sound hard work.

delish food, things all mums do - get a grip woman.

you are a daily mail journo, aren't you?

quotes will appear tomorrow from this...

try harder next time love

Gosh. What you got was lovely. It makes me feel really sad that people don't appreciate things they get unless their (presumably) uncommunicated definition of perfection is reached.

It's not your husband's responsibility to make it 'perfect', he's not your son. Your children are old enough to do their own 'tokens', which they did. 'Resume control'? You may not realise this, but you are reading like a control freak I'm afraid.

So so so funny.

OP, there's a Jewish saying which roughly translates as 'when 6 doctors tell you that you're ill, you lie down.'

You asked if YWBU. Most of the people on this thread are saying yes, OP, YABU. You won't listen. You are right, and are terribly hard done to, and anyone who disagrees it wrong. Why bother asking? I am still struggling to see what your problem is.

Your poor DH.

Woman does everything around the house.

Woman effectively treats husband like another child.

Woman then sulks because said infantilised husband doesn't do everything to her exact standard.

I see this so many times on MN.

Cases of emotional abuse aside, I can't quite decide if it's the husband or wife who is to blame. Both, I guess.

I feel sorry for your husband. Does often fail to live up to your very high expectations of him?

Dragonfly I totally get where you are coming from , you wanted your husband to do some of the tasks you take care of every day, ie. make dinner. I think YANBU.