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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

feeling disappointed

303 replies

dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 08:35

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 15/03/2015 19:01

I can kind of see how a small gift or bunch of flowers wouldve been nice OP but at least they tried.
I took tulips to my Mum who has terminal cancer and im grateful she has has had another mothers day .My dcs werent up when i went to work.
Then i worked all day in a hot kitchen helping with food for hundreds of mums who were taken to our restuarant.
Im happy enough to have a hot bath and the fact the teens have bought me a dressing gown is the icing on the cake as i had hinted how much i love mini eggs from the pound shop Grin

notsolovely · 15/03/2015 19:47

Hang on, how did you organise the pot plant, when you said they went and got it? Did you tell dh and the kids to go buy you a plant? Quite honestly, I agree with pp who said you don't really know why you are mad. I would guess its because you have quite high expectations and they haven't been met. But really no one has gone anything wrong, its just you expect more. But Imo, its your expectations that are the problem.

olympicsrock · 15/03/2015 20:27

Sorry another YABU. Cards and breakfast in bed lovely.

famalam · 15/03/2015 22:04

I have since resumed control

Says it all.

SwirlyThingAlert · 15/03/2015 23:09

You got breakfast made in bed, and a variety of handmade cards and you're whining? Christ, some people are never bloody happy whatever they get, are they.
Start to be grateful for what you DO get instead of what you DON'T.
I cherish handmade cards and gifts from my children more than anything shop bought, as I know they've made it for me and that makes it all the more special. (YUp, that sounds vom inducing but it's true.)
As for the breakfast in bed not being up to your standard, it's the thought that counts surely?! I'm sure you'd have been moaning if you didn't get breakfast in bed either or a fuss made of, so the poor buggers can't win at all really, can they.

ShadowsCollideCantLogInToMN · 15/03/2015 23:24

YABU. You are upset because the breakfast wasn't perfect, the berries weren't all ripe (jaysus) and the cards were homemade? Bloody hell. I don't usually get in to playing top trumps along the lines of 'other people have it worse so you can't be upset' but seriously, you,have no idea how lucky you are. DP and I should have DCs here with us today, but due to my 5 miscarriages, we don't. Probably never will. No breakfast in bed and cuddles with DCs excited to show how much they love me, that most likely won't ever happen.

Friends of ours were expecting their first baby last week. Their baby was stillborn. So instead of celebrating their first ever Mother's day, they are planning their baby's funeral.

Another friend spent her last Mother's day with her Mum, who has cancer and isn't expected to live for more than 6 weeks. This friend's only DC has CF and isn't expected to live much longer. DC is only 19.

Does any of that put bad pancakes and homemade cards, made by excited and loving children in perspective, OP?

defaulttodippy · 16/03/2015 00:46

OP I think you are a very, very ungrateful, cold hearted woman.
You seem to have cast yourself in the role of martyr and rather than counting your blessings you are disappointed in what you perceive to be a less than perfect moment in your life.

It seems that you are unhappy with your DH over this incident, but I would bet on you actually being unhappy with lots of other things in your life too.

As others have pointed out, life really is not perfect and striving to make it so just wastes energy you could perhaps use to embrace your DH and DC's style of appreciation and love...however imperfect.

Love your family unconditionally OP.

DarthVadersTailor · 16/03/2015 01:05

I think I'd actually be overwhelmed with joy at something so adorably cute as that on Fathers day!! Though the pancakes would be spot on as my DW makes the world's best so no worries there Wink

You sound completely unreasonable to me and if I was your DH I think I'd actually be lepping mad at your attitude. You said yourself the kids were all excited to do this for you & yet you wonder here who's acting like the child.....

UncleT · 16/03/2015 01:10

You're being unreasonable and completely ridiculous.

BrightBlowsTheBroom · 16/03/2015 01:30

You are being ridiculous and sound like a spoilt, ungrateful child.

I am also more than a little taken aback that your very young children were "super excited" by mother's day. The youngest is hardly even old enough to "super excited" by Christmas or her birthday or going on holiday let alone the idea of one of the main events in the card manufacturer's year.

Were you drumming up this "excitement"?

Enormouse · 16/03/2015 01:43

God, this all sounds very exhausting altogether. Op passive aggressively 'resuming control'. Just seems like a waste of a day and the dcs lovely gesture.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 16/03/2015 02:42

I was upset as I expect mothers day to be their father taking control and providing breakfast and a small token gift in bed.

But... He did. He did all this, and still you moaned. Can't you see that? There's clearly more going on here than just messed-up pancakes. I take it that you never feel appreciated by your DH.

Isetan · 16/03/2015 04:29

Your darling children have done a wonderful thing and they do not deserve your stroppiness. If you have issues with your H, talk to him like a grown up.

BathshebaDarkstone · 16/03/2015 04:53

I think when they're little, DH has to do it for them. YANBU to be disappointed with your DH. Flowers

FloatIsRechargedNow · 16/03/2015 04:55

Was it Mother's Day yesterday? Oh goodie - cheapo (reduced price) chocs in the shops - love this time of year.

Original poster
dragonfly007 · 16/03/2015 07:59

So here is the update on yesterday, after the badly cooked breakfast from dh, we went to the park, snuggled under a blanket and read stories in bed after a splish splash. The children were happy and that's great!

Once they were in bed dh sat and we had a chat about what would have been nice ( ie a Christmas present, a birthday gift, an occasional night out which we can afford). The overall general lack of thought on his part was my disappointment and the fact i needed to ask for a token gift, valid or not they were my feelings and the unkindness around my threads and on the others was very sad. Not the finest hour mumsnet Sad

To those who had a disappointing day and to all the others, happy mothers day for yesterday.Flowers

OP posts:
GotToBeInItToWinIt · 16/03/2015 08:05

Not the finest hour mumsnet Sad.

People gave their honest opinions, which I believe you asked for by posting in AIBU. That's what mumsnet is about. If you wanted everyone to agree with you and sympathise you probably should have posted elsewhere.

sebsmummy1 · 16/03/2015 08:12

Oh FFS get a grip OP. If you want to make sure you aren't disappointed with your future Mother's Day/Birthday/Christmas Day celebrations you should have talked to your husband before writing some weasely post on Mumsnet.

You are very fortunate in that you have a family and are financially comfortable. Next time why not try to count your blessings before you act like a sulky child.

pudcat · 16/03/2015 08:35

Since when do you ask people for a token gift. You had breakfast and cards. You might have had dinner cooked for you if you hadn't already planned it. Sounds as if you had a lovely day and yet you still had to have words with your husband. Not your finest hour I am sorry to say. Grow up and stop sulking.
Looking at pictures on FB everyone seems to be outdoing each other as to what they received, as if to say my husband/partner/children love me more than anyone else's do. Sad really.

eyebags63 · 16/03/2015 08:37

I didn't even realise it was mother's day yesterday. Blush
I'm amazed that people actually care about these commercially manufactured 'important' days.

Get a grip OP. You sound whiny and ungrateful.

firesidechat · 16/03/2015 08:49

So he never buys you Christmas or birthday presents either and you never go out to eat? Well that's one great big massive drip feed.

As for this not being mn's finest hour, I tend to disagree. I'm heartened by the attitude of most posters on this thread to the true joys of Mother's Day - young children trying hard and getting it a little bit wrong. Those of us with grown up children tend to look back with a warm fuzzy feeling and a wry smile.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/03/2015 08:52

Your update beggars belief.
Hundreds of posters said you were wrong to be upset and detailed precisely why.
Rather than taking the comments on board, and reflecting that with hindsight, you probably were being unreasonable, you have maintained you were right and everyone else is horrible.
I challenge you to consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, you should have been grateful for what you received.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 16/03/2015 09:06

On the contrary OP, it was a fine few Mumsnet hours. Reminding us all that being a parent is about loving our children and them loving us back.

Bowlersarm · 16/03/2015 09:42

Not the finest hour mumsnet. You've got a fucking cheek OP. And a Dh with the patience of a saint. Grow up.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/03/2015 09:48

Did your chat go like this op..
'So, darling, what would have made Mother's Day better for you?'
'Well, it's all very well to have spent the day as a family, and that you all tried your best with the cards and the breakfast. But what I really wanted is for you to have bought some piece of tat.'
You've really really missed the point op.