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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

feeling disappointed

303 replies

dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 08:35

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 16:03

Thank you peanut! It was never about breakfast although my original post suggests it was.

OP posts:
miniavenger · 15/03/2015 16:09

OP why are they all 'your' tasks t keep the household running? Why do you expect him to do 'your tasks' for just two days? Why doesn't he help you on other days?

DontDrinkandFacebook · 15/03/2015 16:12

Perhaps he's out at work mini?

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 15/03/2015 16:14

Before you had children, did you have a 'special day' where your husband cooked pancakes and 'appreciated' you? Mothers day is for the kids to show their love you, they did, I personally fail to see what your issue is? Its not like your children are too young to acknowledge what day it is without promt. Your husbands role today was to make sure they didn't destroy your kitchen whilst making pancakes. So all your OP reads like is 'I had attention and cards from my children, but its not good enough'.

Madamecastafiore · 15/03/2015 16:16

I'm feeling disappointed as 3 out of the 5 of our household have a sick bug, me included in those 3 and I'm currently laying in bed crying at how shit the day is because when I am not kept busy on Mother's Day I can't get past never having my mother around (she died 39 years ago before my first birthday).

So buck the fuck up,

Madamecastafiore · 15/03/2015 16:17

Cards and presents are downstairs and will be great but the underlying sadness never goes.

Just be thankful for what you have.

miniavenger · 15/03/2015 16:18

Oh please that's no excuse. Loads of people, myself and DH included, work full time and have to do day to day stuff. Maybe OP might end up doing more if he works a lot and she stays at home but doing nothing- which OP is implying with the lack of appreciation and value for what she does day to day- is just someone being a lazy bugger.

I think OP is BU with her original rant but reading the updates and her response to peanut it looks like OP doesn't get much help from DH and effectively runs everything household wise and sees mothers day and presumingly her birthday as the two days she gets off. Which is ludicrous! She should be getting help other days, I can't help wondering if that's not why she's so annoyed- because she feels her DH leaves everything to her.

Peanut14 · 15/03/2015 16:18

You are getting an unnecessary flaming on this thread.

Schmoozer · 15/03/2015 16:29

Another one here who thinks YABU !!!
You clearly won't agree !!

LittleBearPad · 15/03/2015 16:30

"The busband"? He's your husband not the Husband.

Seriously. It's Mothering Sunday not wives day. You are almost certainly very hard work.

Original poster
dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 16:36

Dh is normally really good, not a lazy inconsiderate man and I always appreciate it when he puts himself out.

OP posts:
butterfly2015 · 15/03/2015 16:40

This reminds me of the time my sister and I made breakfast for my mum.

The toast was burnt.
The tea wasn't strained and therefore full of tea leaves and totally undrinkable.
We tried to feed the cat but couldn't work the tin opener and ended up hacking a hole in the side of the can and getting enough out using a fork. How we didn't lose a finger is a mystery.

My mum was so pleased although she did say she wasn't very hungry so would only eat a tiny bit of toast and despite us trying to spoon the bits out of the tea, it really was awful but she very bravely drank a bit.

She thought it was very sweet that we had tried. And that's all that counts.

TheAnalyst · 15/03/2015 17:09

I am going to put my foot in the YANBU camp.

I don't think the OP is disappointed with her children. I think she is disappointed with her DP and the mushy pancakes just compounded that. I think with her DP's intervention her experience could have been a bit better.

I think it is incumbent on partners of mothers everywhere to make an effort on Mother's Day. My partner was more disappointed in me for not making an effort a couple of years ago on Mother's Day than she has been at any other time. (It is not Mother's Day here - we wait until May).

The personal nature of some of the criticism here is very disappointing. Just what the OP needs after an underwhelming morning!

StarLordess · 15/03/2015 17:12

You sound like a bit of a nightmare.

thatsucks · 15/03/2015 17:20

YABVVVVVVVVU

I can't believe some of the posts on here today

thatsucks · 15/03/2015 17:22

Ps my dh is working today, my dc threw a card at me and let me get on with making lunch for my own mother! I don't care, they love me, they are typical teens, who gives a fuck!

grannytomine · 15/03/2015 17:26

The 4 and 6 year old weren't cooking the pancakes, DH must have messed that bit up all by himself.

TheSingingMonkey · 15/03/2015 17:37

I have since resumed control

And here's the problem. Whatever your DH does it will be wrong. You sound very much the martyr OP, organising the park trip and baking your own cake.

Original poster
dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 17:42

Grannytomine glad you noticed the 4and6 year old did not cook pancake, in the same way they are not allowed unsupervised into a shop to buy a potted plant. Everything I wanted needed to be organised on my behalf.

When they are older I expect them to be responsible for what they do and do not organise, but for the moment it would have been nice for dh to organise them.

Sorry if that is being vvv unreasonable!

OP posts:
GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/03/2015 17:45

I'm confused, you said they did go and get you a potted plant (after your initial moan) which is what you wanted, no?

SoupDragon · 15/03/2015 17:48

It's amusing that, when 99% of people tell you that you are being unreasonable, you only pay attention to the 1% who say something that agrees with you.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 15/03/2015 17:51

Agreed Soupdragon

Absolutely pointless to post in AIBU.

Marshy · 15/03/2015 17:51

Hmm......I think you're not really sure what it is that you're unhappy about but it does seem to be something to do with your dh. If you can't put your finger on it, chances are he's not going to either!

TheSingingMonkey · 15/03/2015 18:22

AIBU invites the answers yes and no, OP. It's not titled 'I am being reasonable'.

Pagwatch · 15/03/2015 18:33

You are a. It crap really.
You have failed to create an environment where everyone embraces Mother's Day unless you organise it.
That's a pretty poor reflection of how your family behave and you seem to indicate that you control the tone.atmospeherr in your house so you've failed really.

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