feeling disappointed

[dragonfly007]

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

I got a card, three 'presents' (stuff the children found in the house) wrapped in Frozen paper, and a cup of tea in bed.

We took photos of them snuggling up with me, and they drew a picture for me.

It was perfect. No lectures about how fucking great I am, no conversations about how bloody excellent my laundry folding is. Just children being children, enjoying the day on a level they can engage with.

Hope you can find some pleasure in the day, sounds like your DH might have his work cut out.

Thanks QTPie! You have comforted and inspired me....I have already planned next year.... DH will go to his mum as usual. The expensive cards bought by DH for the DSs to write will be replaced by ones bought in the village shop, with them actually present. The flowers will be a bunch of carnations from Aldi rather than an expensive gift box from M&S. The box of Hotel Chocolat (90% nuts, I dont like nuts!) will be replaced by a bar of plain chocolate (Bourneville Jamaica which may be a bit tricky to find but I think I am worth a trip to big Tesco). The rest of the money will be spent on a Chinese take-away for me, my amazing DM and the DSs. Can't stop, roast to cook, cake to make, uniform to get ready. You all know how it is!

OP is NOT vile.

Unrealistically high expectations, yes. That does not make her vile. Why do some posters have to take things too bloody far and cause a bitch fest.

My MIL could he high maintenance in the same sort of way at times. She wasn't vile though.

DDAFacebook - My Mum is very like you. She'll have cards and presents today but what she's really looking forward to is watching me and my brother get together and slip back into the old banter and make each other laugh (both of us almost 40!).

I assumed this was a piss-take at first.
You got breakfast in bed and cards chosen and made by the children. I hate breakfast in bed, the children always burnt or under-cooked the toast when they were little and it was always at the crack of dawn but I always smiled and ate it.
I hope you manage to find some joy in the rest of the day.

I spent my entire childhood and most of my adulthood being told to appreciate my narcissistic bitch of a mother for all the lovely things she did for me. Guess what? I don't because she only did it because she is a martyr, so, not being a complete hypocrite I totally ignored mother's day.

For the many years before I had children in the run-up to Mother's Day I had the endless "You would expect something for Mother's Day" taunts - well, no, actually I wouldn't. Now I have 2 DD's I expect nothing from them today or any other day because, actually, I am more grateful to them for being in my life rather than demanding that they appreciate me. We're not doing anything for Mother's Day as I'm currently not even in the same country as the rest of my family and, you know what, it's no big deal.

For all those women complaining about their DP/DH not stepping up for Mother's Day...do you step up for Father's Day?

Is this a wind up?? Of course YABU!!

I've received several home made cards, which are really just drawings, 4 decorated toilet roll tubes! 3 loose buttons, and one of the kids old teddies wrapped in loo roll, cold toast and jam and a luke warm cup of tea

And I'm over the moon!

You are so ungrateful.

I remember when I was young in the fifties going to the local chemist to buy mum 1 bath cube, the chemists rather kindly sold one at a time then ANd a pretty floral hankie or a small bar of chocolate.

It was all my 6d ( old money ) pocket money would buy and my mum was delighted.

I wasn't let loose anywhere near the kitchen. Probably my dad would be working some mothers day. I'd love to revisit those days.

My poor old mum is now in a care home with dementia. She doesn't know what day it is. She just about remembers me but probably thinks I'm her mother.

Treasure the moment, the present. It's all we have.

My soon to be dear husband brought me breakfast in bed with a cuppa and then we will have a lovely day in the sun. It's a carnival parade this afternoon. Perfect.

YABU. Your boys have done lovely things for you.

My DS is 11 weeks. Surprisingly, he has made a card for me got up early and made me tea and toast and took himself into the village and got me a bunch of Spring flowers. Apparently, he told DH he has spent all his pocket money from the last 11 weeks but he doesn't mind 'cos I am worth it. He is baking a cake for tea.

They're only 4 and 6 years old not much more than babies fgs. Grow up who's the child here you or them

Here is how to have a happy mothers day...choose to view it as a day to feel utterly grateful that you have kids and to think about all the wonderful moments you've had because of them.

I'm looking at my kids and they are the best presents I've had. They don't need to praise my mothering skills or give cards for me to appreciate the gift that is them.

Don't set your family up to fail op - change your perspective.

I think you are being absolutely ridiculous. I am a lone parent and my young dc couldn't get me a card and present unless I got if for them which I thought about but didn't. They got in to bed with me for a cuddle and said Happy Mother's Day and that was more than enough. Some people are so precious.

U should be grateful of the effort,my 9year old gave me a bowl of cereal for breakfast,because I loved it that much lol got another bowl of cereal for lunch

You're right she's not vile, her attitude is though.

Dragonfly I do think you will look back on this moan in years to come and be a bit embarrassed. Your DC's sound sweet and your DH is a brick faffing about making pancakes with your little ones.

When mine were little, I never wanted breakfast in bed, I just wanted some sort of acknowledgement and I always got it - a homemade card from them and sometimes a bunch of daffs or similar.

Now they are older and away, I got the most loving and special cards imaginable from them. They'd both written poems (well... not poems, more limericks taking the p**s out their mother ) and I absolutely loved it and I was quite teary. I've never had high expectations with Mothers Day, I feel it is a privilege to be a Mother to my DC's and that's enough for me.

Vile seems to be the Mumsnet insult du jour, I've noticed. I remember when it used to be saved for the really bad stuff, not just for voting Conservative or being miffed about your lack of Mother's Day pressie.

Bloody hell. I honestly thought this was a wind up - didn't for a second think that someone would be unhappy with what the OP got.

I had a lovely card DD made at school
A bunch of my favourite flowers from Tesco.

DD got a giant card from the (very clever) dog
A box of sweets, a bunch of daffs and a "best mum" mug (that I will steal)

I cooked myself a lovely fry-up whilst DH was in the garden and DD was over the park and tonight I'll make us all a lovely Sunday Dinner.

Now I'm wasting time on MN before I get my arse in gear and prep the veg.

The thought of DH engag(ing) the children in a conversation about how they get their clean clothes, ironed smartly, delish food provided and cooked (things all mums do) and allowing them to choose a potted plant or small bunch off flowers to say thank you Has me snorting in my coffee (drank from DDs new mug!)...DH does the ironing in this house, the washing machine washes the clothes and I cook because I enjoy it (and DH could burn water)

OP, in the kindest was possible, get over yourself. Your children bring much more to your life than a hallmark day once a year. How about you start appreciating that?

Lol at 'ironing smartly'. Tbh I would be a grumpy cow too if I spent time pointlessly ironing stuff.

I'm astonished that 4 & 6 year olds are expected to participate in reflective conversation about their mother's contribution to the running of the household.

Why don't tell them youself though? I just told DD:Mummy does everything for you, today' Mother's Day be nice to mummy. She said: you need lots and lots of presents then. I said yes she is now wrapping an alcohol free hand gel (that i bought for her yonks ago). She's 4

You sounds pretty ungrateful ! I got nothing same as the last 14 years as a single parent . I used to get handmade cards till puberty set in now I get a "happy mother day" text from her room where she will remain unless needing food . I just had to argue for an hour to suggest as it was mothers day maybe she should take her dog for a walk she is going but "Never coming back ".

I thought this was a joke too. You wanted a gift from your DH on Mother's Day, but you are not his mother.
Until I came on here this morning I really didn't realize people had expectations from their OH on Mother's Day, if you do, surely they would have to be explicitly expressed?
The pancakes are the wrong size, sugar in your tea, underripe fruit, sounds like a 4 yr old and a 6yr old we're helping make your breakfast!

I actually understand that the OP wanted her DH to get her sth from the boys. But complaining that the berries weren't ripe or the the pancakes were good enough? That's plain nasty as clearly aimed st children.
I don not get the 'your DH is not your DC' well, the kids are little they beed help with doing sth for their mother. A lot of mothers help their DC to organise stuff for the father's day and grandmothers' and grangsthers'.

Were = weren't

Yabu.

You need to stop whinging and consider how lucky you actually are.