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Original poster

OH lost his job TWO MONTHS AGO, only fessed UP EARLIER THIS WEEK

132 replies

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 14/03/2015 20:25

I'm ruddy furious terrified utterly bewildered. He had been pretending to go to work every day but job hunting/ networking etc all this time but found nothing. We've got no buffer and if he doesn't find something in the next few weeks we'll be paying the mortgage on MY credit card. Why didn't he just tell me? I could have been supportive, not spent all that money on stuff for the house which just so could have waited. He just carried on regardless, let's go to the pub, theatre tickets, takeaways, all of it. I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. In all fairness he said he hasn't told any of his friends, family etc either, not even the ones who work or have contacts in a similar line of business who might, you know, be able to help him. Is this just male pride gone mad? I feel like I'm in a drama serial!

OP posts:
FlipFlippingFlippers · 14/03/2015 20:27

So sorry OP. I'd be utterly furious.

26Point2Miles · 14/03/2015 20:29

How did he lose it?

notsolovely · 14/03/2015 20:30

What???? I was be devastated. Why didn't he tell you?

travailtotravel · 14/03/2015 20:31

Be furious later - right now, consolidate and pull together to get through this. It says a lot about how hurt and upset he must be that he didn't tell anyone and has taken this long to accept the reality of the situation.

Start to prepare - cut right back, get a 0% credit card before your credit rating potentially goes down etc etc.

I am sorry, I would be livid. But practical first ... emotional later.

weeblueberry · 14/03/2015 20:32

Bloody hell Id be furious. Apparently it's quite common though - they want to get it sorted so they can say 'this happened and I fixed it' rather than 'this happened and we're fucked'.

I hope he gets something soon OP.

LoofahVanDross · 14/03/2015 20:33

I feel for both of you. He may not have told you as he knew you would be worried sick and thought maybe he could get himself something quickly and then save you the worry. Which IMO is probably the case.

On the other hand, as you say you could have saved the money that was spent on the house and theatre trips etc.

I wouldn't blow up at him, as I should think he is at rock bottom, so it won't help.

TidyDancer · 14/03/2015 20:34

I would be furious too. But how sad he has been hiding it. :( He must've been so worried. Certainly shouldn't have been spending though.

RandomMess · 14/03/2015 20:36

Any chance of taking a mortgage payment holiday or switching to interest only for a while??? Paying it on the credit card could be financial suicide.

Also if it's a joint mortgage and you then pay it on your credit card then it's going to be your debt alone...

Fiftyplusmum · 14/03/2015 20:36

I agree with Loofah.

Hoppinggreen · 14/03/2015 20:39

First try to sort out your finances .
Kill him later

Viviennemary · 14/03/2015 20:41

He must have been terrified to tell you to keep up this level of pretence. Are you working and earning a salary?

The80sweregreat · 14/03/2015 20:41

Ring your mortgage company asap and put them n the picture / ask advice. Agree about a 0 percent card, not ideal but you need to try and take action on the finances soon. I really hope he finds something else soon. He will need to o the job centre too. Good luck and try not to panic. ( easy for me to say i know)

nilbyname · 14/03/2015 20:41

Wow.

I would be so upset by the deceit of it all. Why couldn't he tell? Did his pride trump honesty?

I'd be devastated. Is this the tip of the iceberg?

notsolovely · 14/03/2015 20:42

I think I was be screaming. But reading loofah post, I wouldn't. Last year a man came to the door and told me we were behind on the mortgage. He came from the back to actually offer help, so it didn't end up with us losing it. The man was so lovely, he realised I had no idea and really talked me out of screaming at dh. Dh was gutted and while he knows he should have told me, he was only trying to protect me. I was quiet for days, I couldn't bring myself to scream at him. We sorted it and are back where we should be. If anything its brought us closer and he is more open about any potential problems now.

Nolim · 14/03/2015 20:45

Omg. That is one of the most childish selfish and cowardly things i can imagine

Notrevealingmyidentity · 14/03/2015 20:46

I personally would be very very upset with re lying and deceit. I'm not sure I could get past it.

Original poster
Notgrumpyjustquiet · 14/03/2015 20:48

Sorry, just to make myself clear, I'm not pissed off with him for losing his job, I'm pissed off with him for not telling me. And no, there's no redundancy payment, he was summarily dismissed for what some guy who interviewed him earlier this week apparently thought was a very minor breach and had he considered taking the advice of a solicitor? I said, that sounds like a good idea, why not try that and he just hummed and harred. I am now doing my level best to ensure we do not spend any money at all and I do understand that he had every intention of burying the bad news under an announcement about the fabulous opportunity he'd created for himself. But 2 months ffs...

OP posts:
Branleuse · 14/03/2015 20:48

id cut him some slack poor guy. He sounds really ashamed.
Is he a very proud man?

lavenderhoney · 14/03/2015 20:49

There is no stigma to being made redundant- hapoens to many. Him saying he's been networking - well, that means contacting people he knows- so that's contradictory. Do you know why he lost his job?

Why did he decide to tell you? - and he should be putting all plans in place.

Sort out finances, then ask him wtf..

ilovesooty · 14/03/2015 20:50

I feel for both of you. It must be devastating.

sonjadog · 14/03/2015 20:52

Poor guy. What a weight to have been carrying for the last two months. I guess he was hoping he'd have a new job sorted before he had to tell you.

Fairenuff · 14/03/2015 20:52

So he got fired.

What did he do?

eyebags63 · 14/03/2015 20:54

He is ashamed/embarrassed/etc. Is he the "me man, me breadwinner" type as well?

I would try and get over the shock and cut him some slack.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 14/03/2015 20:54

I'm not sure I believe him that it was about something "minor" . If I were a betting woman I would be inclined to say that he is lying to you. If it were me id have been off to see a solicitor like a shot not humming and harring about it.

Sazzle41 · 14/03/2015 20:55

Oh OP, how awful for you - and him. He must be so sad and upset to have hidden it. Some people have so much self esteem tied up in providing and being good at their job that it must have crippled his ability to tell you and he did a rather typical blokey head in sand. Was he hoping something else would turn up and then he wouldnt have to tell you? Was it redundancy? Is he due/owed any holiday pay or redundancy ?

Damage limitation first, ring mortgage company and tell them. Do you have any money/earn any money that could pay it in the interim. He should sign on asap you might get Housing Benefit. Then asap contact anyone you know who has contacts to get him work and search the online jobsites. Also consider anything interim or short term so he doesnt get huge gap on CV and you get at least some money coming in. Good luck.