OH lost his job TWO MONTHS AGO, only fessed UP EARLIER THIS WEEK

[Notgrumpyjustquiet]

I'm ruddy furious terrified utterly bewildered. He had been pretending to go to work every day but job hunting/ networking etc all this time but found nothing. We've got no buffer and if he doesn't find something in the next few weeks we'll be paying the mortgage on MY credit card. Why didn't he just tell me? I could have been supportive, not spent all that money on stuff for the house which just so could have waited. He just carried on regardless, let's go to the pub, theatre tickets, takeaways, all of it. I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. In all fairness he said he hasn't told any of his friends, family etc either, not even the ones who work or have contacts in a similar line of business who might, you know, be able to help him. Is this just male pride gone mad? I feel like I'm in a drama serial!

Incidentally I know someone who lost there job for bulling in the work place including violent behaviour who lied to their DP about it.

how long had he been in the job and what was he sacked for? maybe he does need some legal advise (CAB?), make sure he has not been treated wrongly? there is loads on employment law on the internet. good luck.

agree with the others, this is no time to be angry, he knows he's massively cocked up, but you need to support him and get through this together.

I don't think slating the poor guy is helping here. I don't think he's done it to be deceitful or trying o be underhand whatsoever. He's obviously tried to make it so you wouldn't worry and if he's been job hunting etc he was probably expecting to have found something else by now! He'll already be at Rock bottom and no amount of screaming is going to get him his job back. My advice would be to get your finances in some sort of order, help your OH find a job and then sit down and tell him that he's a daft sod for not telling you sooner! He needs you to be supportive right now and to be a team. His whole world is probably falling apart around him and keeping on as normal was probably his way of dealing with it.

Poor man. Imagine how you would have to feel to not tell your other half what was going on. Give him a hug and make a plan. It is awful for you both.

The poor man - he must be devastated (as are you)

You don't get summarily dismissed without warnings, etc, for something that is not gross misconduct. Why did he get fired OP?

Being made redundant, I agree with everything everyone else is saying. But getting fired - I would want to make sure I had ALL the facts.

I think he only has two months from being dismissed to make a claim if he is considering that, so I would get him to look into this pronto. Even if he didn't go through with a claim he might be able to get something out of the situation, such as an agreed reference and ideally some settlement money if the reason for dismissal might be challengeable.

Message for notrevealingmyidentity.
I think you need to cut OP husband a bit of slack, you don't know the circumstances and jumping in with bits of nonsense about how one of your friends husbands was sacked for bullying is irrelevant and completely unhelpful. I believe that you actually need to not paint everyone with whatever shitty brush you seem to have hold of. It's not a very nice attitude and its a very negative way of looking at life in general. Jesus next you'll be telling her he was probably caught shagging in the stock room or something! This woman needs helpful advice not you putting more negativity into the air! And no before you ask I'm not someone who lives in a bubble surrounded by daffodils but I do believe in having a somewhat positive attitude has a positive effect on life in general. You sound very bitter and miserable.

He has lied to you. He has decided that it is not your place to know about something so important to your whole family. While I agree now might not be the ideal time for a showdown, I absolutely do not agree with the "poor guy" attitude in this thread. If he loves you and respects you he simply shouldn't have kept such a massive secret from you.

On a practical note - contact your mortgage company. Some let you take a 6 month payment holiday or allow you to go interest only for a while. And take a look at www.moneysavingexpert.com for some tips about cutting down your household bills.

First thing I would want to see is the letter confirming his dismissal as this would give reason why. I couldn't trust I'd be getting the truth after such a big lie.

I'd go from there.

I feel for you both. It must have been eating away at him. I can understand all your feelings.

This poor man. Build him up, support him and let his deception go. Perhaps he has been sick with worry perhaps his mental health is on the edge.

Yanbu though

You don't lose your job for a 'minor' breach but if you do you should get some kind of pay off. I think it's important that OP finds out the truth, because it will impact on his ability to get a new job. Will he get a reference?
I'd be absolutely furious that he tried to pretend this hadn't happened and carried on spending money. I really don't think you are being told the truth here OP (the comments by the recruiter sound like total bullshit). Sorry - I hope I'm wrong.

I don't agree with the 'poor man' attitude either.

He wasn't made redundant, he was sacked. This happened to him because of something he did and he has been hiding it from OP. I would want a lot more information before he got any sympathy from me I'm afraid.

Yanbu.

Ask to see the paperwork. I know one person who was sacked with no pay off or making a pass at a junior colleague. Seems v strange that h's juet accepting it.

Good luck.

pixie

You are quite entitled to your opinion. As am I. And I stand by it.

Although I think you may have been taking it a bit far by extrapolating from My post that I am bitter and miserable but hey ho.

Can he establish what kind of reference they will give him? If it's the basic job title and dates version it should make things easier.

I'm pretty sure he's missed the window for taking legal advice, don't you only have a week to contest unfair dismissal?

If he won't tell you what it is that he did, only that it was minor then that would worry me. If he didn't come home outraged and shocked and tell you all about it, that would worry me.

How long had he been working there? Less than two years and he didn't have a leg to stand on anyway. Will he get a reference, can it be a case of amicably parted ways?

You don't get summarily dismissed for nothing. It's too big a risk for a company to face possible repercussions if they are not pretty certain of their position.

Until he tells you the whole truth over why he is no longer employed you can't really decide where to go from here.

You don't get summarily dismissed for nothing. It's too big a risk for a company to face possible repercussions if they are not pretty certain of their position.

I agree bear

You really need to find out what he's been fired for - ask to see the dismissal letter (he'll definitely have received some paperwork) and written record of conversations relating to his misconduct.

Wow. There's a whole lot of forgiving absolutely useless pathetic childish behaviour on this thread.

FFS. TWO MONTHS. When they have been spending like billy-o and they have to put the mortgage on a fucking credit card.

Sympathetic? I'd be fucking furious. You run the very real risk of having your house repossessed.

Male pride, schmide. Grow the fuck up.

Poor man. He must have felt dreadful and wanted to hide it from you.

Well, I'd be furious and scared and bewildered all in equal measure, so sympathies with the OP

I am sure this whole thing has been hard on her DH too, but I agree that I'd want some more facts about the circumstances of his dismissal.