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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore the upstairs neighbour banging on his floor about crying baby

420 replies

MrsHende · 14/03/2015 08:04

Baby hates getting dressed and usually screams her way through the 5-6 minute process. Twice our upstairs neighbours has banged on their floor, presumably because of the noise. Both times were after 7.30 and before 8am, once this morning and once last week, on a week day.

Who IBU?

(My mum thinks I should change the baby in a different room, possibly the best solution for everyone's blood pressure!)

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 15/03/2015 09:05

And you know what Moomin - if you have genuine noise sensitivity and one of your neighbours is a very small human being who acts as they often do it is JUST TOO BLOODY BAD FOR YOU and if you really don't like it you are the one who will have to move and until you move you will have to put up with it.

MorgansMummy24 · 15/03/2015 09:12

Amen moonin

theboatisleaking · 15/03/2015 09:19

Moonin, in our case it wasn't 5 mins crying per day it was crying every 2 hours all day and night plus 2 older kids crying and yelling. The neighbour was a single mum who spent most of day smoking on doorstep and was aggressive when we confronted her about the noise.

I suspect OP's baby cries more than 1xday (most babies do) but her neighbours are probably tolerant most of the time. She therefore may be disturbing them far more than she is aware.

We moved out of halls to get away from the student party scene but had we known what our neighbours would be like we would have stayed put. I'd rather occasional party noise, door-slamming etc than the noise of 3 shrill screaming kids. We were tied into a 12-month lease so couldn't just move.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/03/2015 09:21

"Moonin, in our case it wasn't 5 mins crying per day it was crying every 2 hours all day and night plus 2 older kids crying and yelling."

well that is nothing like the OP so i suggest that you are projecting your issues onto this thread.

SaucyJack · 15/03/2015 09:28

Were they already living there first when you moved in boat?

theboatisleaking · 15/03/2015 09:37

Fanjo the thread is about attitudes as much as anything else. And I maintain OP's baby probably cries more than 1xday and may be disturbing neighbours far more than she realises. Most ppl don't complain every time they are disturbed they wait until they can't tolerate it any more. The banging could be last-resort exasperation rather than a direct reaction to 5-mins screaming.

Saucy yes they were already living there but the 3rd child was born after we moved in. Unfortunately letting agents don't tell you about the neighbours before you move in and they were out when we viewed it.

Binkybix · 15/03/2015 09:38

I can see that would be tough, but it's nothing like the OP. A baby crying is not someone being inconsiderate. Older children running riot unchecked maybe more so. But I've not got older children yet so don't want to speak too soon as I've no idea what it's like.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/03/2015 09:38

so what if her baby cries more than 1x per day. Babies do

Binkybix · 15/03/2015 09:39

But I don't know what they think it will achieve. Most parents are trying to soothe their baby when it cries.

ProudAS · 15/03/2015 09:39

Why should someone with noise sensitivity have to move just because neighbours have baby? Babies grow up but noise sensitivity is likely to be for life. Moving house is a stressful experience which cannot be simply done overnight and someone who is hypersensitive to noise (through no fault of their own) could potentially be put through it repeatedly if new neighbours have a baby too.

I have been having health problems for several years due to stress (noise from neighbours isn't a cause but could be for some people). I have been to the GP but there is only so much can be done to remove the effect without removing the cause.

I agree with those posters who say we are hijacking the thread though. I'd be fine with the situation the OP describes.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/03/2015 09:42

yes moving house is stressful, so people with a baby which is growing up all the time shouldnt have to do it.

Plus its not likely the neighbours have noise sensitivity but just are probably grumpy arses.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 15/03/2015 09:43

There are some massive projections happening on this thread Hmm.

Still cracking up at lives being ruined by hearing a baby cry. Presumably, the reason these poor souls didn't polystyrene tile their own bedroom rather than watch their lives go to shit was 'the principal of the matter'.

theonlygothinthevillage · 15/03/2015 09:43

Rude fucker. Coming to talk to you is the way to deal with this. Do other people live in the same building and use the same entrance? If so, I'd be tempted to leave a note where everyone can see it, asking whoever lives in flat xx not to bang on the floor when your baby is crying. See if he/she thinks it's such a great idea when all the neighbours know what a rude shit he/she is.

theboatisleaking · 15/03/2015 09:46

Binky I agree the baby crying is not inconsiderate in itself, but IMO it's inconsiderate to let it cry directly under neighbours bedroom if you can move rooms and the neighbour is banging on floor.
It's also inconsiderate to label the neighbour as rude and selfish when you are the one who has chosen to raise a baby in a flat.

Fanjo yes it's natural for babies to cry more than 1xday that was my point. It's unlikely any neighbour would be upset by 1xday crying so I suggest they are being disturbed a lot more often than OP realises.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/03/2015 09:47

toddler downstairs can cry for hours if she is not well or just being a toddler. I just feel for her parents,.

munchkinmaster · 15/03/2015 09:49

Back in the day dd used to be an early riser accompanied by a "get me out of bed!!!!!" Type wail! I used to fish her out and could hear next door clicking their kettle on through the wall as she had obviously woken them. I used to feel bad (but still more sorry for myself).

Binkybix · 15/03/2015 09:50

Well OP has said she'll move to a different room.

IMO it's much ruder to bang on the floor though and that, rather than someone being disturbed in itself, really would mark someone out as rude/an arse in my eyes.

munchkinmaster · 15/03/2015 09:54

Chosen to raise a baby in a flat
Or a terrace of a semi? Do only those in detached get to breed now.

A flat is a perfectly normal place to live. You make it sound unusual. "Chosen to raise a baby in a wigwam/loose in the Forrest/branch of aldi."

theonlygothinthevillage · 15/03/2015 10:00

Very well said munchkinmaster

ILovePud · 15/03/2015 10:01

theboatisleaking you've repeated that you think OP is underestimating how often her neighbour is being disturbed but I'd put money on it that your exaggerating too, did your aggressive, single parent neighbour really spend most of her days sat on her step smoking? ProudAS you really are coming across as someone who has a chip on their shoulder about babies/parents' of babies. I'm sorry that you have issues with sensitivities, that must make things tough for you but it's unreasonable to expect strangers around you to adapt their lives to such an extent to accommodate these.

munchkinmaster · 15/03/2015 10:04

I've lived in two flats with 2 small babies. During the screamy newborn bit I've checked with my neighbours both times how it's going. They both said "oh no we never hear them cry." Liars!!!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 15/03/2015 10:20

I live next door to a family who have people coming and going at all hours of the night, shouting and laughing, sometimes smacking on the door to be let in so hard that the walls of our flat shake. Downstairs have to put up with our creaking floorboards.

Unless you can afford to live in a detached house, other people around you making noise is Just Too Fucking Bad.

ProudAS · 15/03/2015 10:21

Pud - I don't think strangers should bend over backwards for me but don't underestimate the effect that noise and stress can have on some people. I love babies but can't help the way I am.

SaucyJack · 15/03/2015 10:31

I don't think anyone underestimates how stressful listening to babies crying is Proud. We're biologically programmed to find it unbearable.

But unlike other noises which people can control- loud music/washing machines/DIY/yadda yadda, babies crying is just an unpleasant fact of life. No one wants to listen to it, and unless you suspect child neglect then there's nothing the parent can do about it. Cos if there was, they'd already be doing it.

ProudAS · 15/03/2015 10:56

It's not babies that are the problem Jack - it's the fact that I am affected by noise more than most people. I don't freak out if DNephew cries but need to be able to hand him back at the end of the day and go home.

I realise that stopping a baby from crying is not as simple as turning off music but cannot understand why those of us who have particular problems with noise are supposed to just suck it up. If it's a minor annoyance to neighbours it's one thing but damaging their health us another.

Babies crying is a normal part of life and has been going on since the stone age- I accept that. What is not normal and evolution has not caught up with is them disturbing people outside their family unit.

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