Refusal to discuss formula feeding at parentcraft class

[obeliaboo]

AIBU? Ready for the fire!
I've been told that in order for me to have a tour of my chosen hospital's delivery suite, that i need to attend 'parentcraft' classes.
Yesterday was exclusively about breastfeeding, fair enough, didnt know that of course until we got there.
So, as the midwife goes on about breastfeeding and support, I enquire what is the support for those who fall into small percentage of mums who cannot breastfeed. Simple question.
"What do you mean?".
I had to ask again, and put it across that i intend to breastfeed, but what if i cant, what if my milk doesn't come in. It happens, it happened to my eldest sister, its nothing to be ashamed of so whats the harm in asking and what is the support in that situation.
"We don't discuss artificial feeding".
Seriously?? I understand the necessity to promote breastfeeding is a priority for the NHS, because it seriously needs normalising, but to just object to even touching on the subject of formula feeding really riled me. I felt like i was at a propaganda session! She instead continued to address breastfeeding and a specific brand of electric breast bump at a specifc well known retailer.
Is this what the NHS supports? Big business's and there overpriced products (the specific one mentioned was over £100, I am not in a position to be able to afford something like that for a start), under the guise that 'breast is best', its the best start for baby - and insinuating that formula is the devil when for some poor souls, it is the only option?
AIBU for finding this absolutely snotty and condescending? There are mums out there who are underconfident, or genuinely don't lactate, mums who have gone through breastcancer and mastectomies etc, so why are these midwives refusing to even consider discussing both options.
Why make it militant and harder for those who simply can't, to speak up without feeling ashamed?
FYI this is the 3rd midwife i've had ranting at me over this.

I'm sure they have discussed other means of delivery than a natural birth. Thank goodness we have pain relief, forceps, C-sections and thank goodness we have formula.

It's no good that mothers don't get non-judgemental, professional support from those who should have the best interest of them and their babies at heart. Especially when it comes to what goes into a baby's mouth.

They should also tell women what to look out for in their baby if they want to know tgat their breastfed baby is getting enough milk (lots of wet and dirty nappies, alert etc) as most new parents will not have a clue and çoukd miss the signs of dehydration.

I completely agree that there should be more support for women who cannot breastfeed.

I had my heart set on breast feeding but couldn't, my son was in intensive care for the first 18 days of his life due to hyperinsulinism and had a very low blood sugar on admission the advice from specialists was to feed him every 3 hours at least 10 mls, I was unable to express anything so decided to ff as that was the best decision at the time, I wasn't upset at my decision because I knew that was what he needed, when he came home however I was devastated, I spoke to his specialist doctor and they said they would ask a breastfeeding mother to mix her milk with some formula to increase the babies energy intake as they need it to avoid hyperglycaemia which made me feel slightly better.

The next day my HV came and asked how we were feeding when I told her it was formula she said 'I'm going to give you a telling off like I do all mothers who don't breastfeed' I was devastated when she began telling me how much of a disservice I was doing my son and implied I didn't care about him because I couldn't be bothered to 'feed him properly' I couldn't stop crying!

My sons specialist team have reassured me that breastfeeding is best in 99.99% of cases however there are some rare times when formula feeding is advised!

I could have done with a bit of emotional support at the time but felt constantly judged when no one knew my reasons

YANBU. I planned to BF but suspected it would be impossible for me. I tried to discuss it with my midwife but she completely dismissed my concerns.

After DC was born BF indeed proved impossible to achieve. We were kept in hospital and any number of 'experts' turned up and tried to make DC latch on. One of them had a go at me for failing to discuss it with my ante natal midwife, she shut up when I told her that I had tried. Another said it was my newborn's fault for being lazy!

It was obvious to me that if I wanted my DC to have any nutrition at all (DC didn't feed until FF was given about 36 hrs post birth) I would have to turn to FF. I knew nothing about FF. How to choose the right brand. How to make it. How much to feed. How often to feed. How to recognise when I should increase the size of the feed. What bottles to buy. I didn't know you can get different teats for newborns, 3 months etc.

I felt terrible guilt for letting my DC down by FF and I felt as though I was feeding my newborn poison. A little bit of sensible advice while I was pregnant and some post natal support would have been pretty helpful for me.

So many people opt to ff though. Lots say that their milk didn't come in or that their baby was hungry.

I remember thinking this and feeling such incredible pain. It was only when someone told me to push through this and have faith did I continue and over night it became easier.

This is what should be mentioned in classes. I thought that if it was painful or baby cried lots at first I was doing it wrong. I needed to know that doing it wrong was necessary practice for getting it right.

By the time I had second baby I rode through the pain, knowing it wasn't going to last, and using various tricks

We had feeding problems and left hospital with a feeding plan stipulating how much formula to give and when. Admittedly we were slightly lost at first with sterilising etc as I hadn't thought we would be FF and was woefully unprepared.

Warmandtoasty - tell everyone that you will be breast feeding (even though you know you won't be) and you will be left alone. I did that with DD2, it kept the "breast obsessed" at bay and I had a stress free pregnancy. When she was born, the MW didn't bat an eyelid when I produced cartons of FF from my bag.

All mums need support no matter what feeding method they decide.

I'm a maternity nurse and although most of my clients breast for some time, some mothers choose to bottle feed from birth.

Bottle fed mothers need just as much support as any other. I've seen the emotional damage done by people making throw away comments about how formula feeding is the easy way out, that formula means your baby will be obese, not very intelligent and have allergies. I've seen anxious new mums not know how to hold the bb, they say that they are doing it wrong, the are worried that the bottles aren't clean enough, that the instructions are hard especially when trying to cool down boiling water for the demand fed baby. I've seen midwifes and health visitors whole demeanours change when the find out bb is bottle fed, I've had two midwifes be so incredibly rude to a new mother that I recommended she put a complaint in. The guilt and pressure that some of theses mums are put under is hugely damaging.

Looking after a new baby is hugely tough no matter what feeding method and everyone including friends, families, people on the Internet, strangers and health professionals should be positive to any new mum. If the bb is been fed safely isn't the that the best way?

This thread has seriously shocked me!!

'THEY' aren't 'allowed to talk about FF'.

What the hell?

Signora I can only suggest you look at a packed of powdered formula and see if you think the instructions are easy to understand AND follow.

This makes me so fucking angry. Bearing in mind that the majority of the mums in the OPs class will probably ff at some stage, irrespective of what the mw thinks of 'artifical feeding' It's just irresponsible to refuse to give some guidance on safe formula preparation and use. Baby friendly my arse.

YANBU and those people saying 'it's on the carton'. FF is more than just mixing up the stuff.

Emotional aspects, health and hygiene aspects, which formula to buy, which bottles to use, which teats to use etc.

Refusing to talk about it just reinforces the negativity towards FF parents and increases the sense of isolation experienced by some people who would love to be able to BF but can't for whatever reason.

Somewhat off the main point but OP, I highly recommend the Spectra breastpumps sold by Anawiz. Quality on a par with 'that' brand but half the price. Good luck!

Yes Ineed they do refuse to talk about Caesareans as I discovered when complications with my last pregnancy made it a very real consideration so I booked an appointment with my midwife so I could make an informed choice. It's bollocks.

OP YADNBU.

YANBU OP.

There is so much over zealousness about promoting bf at the exclusion of all else that it's just ridiculous.

And I agree, however anyone decides to feed their baby there should be support and friendly, non judgemental advice available.

Unfortunately, the way things are at the moment, breastfeeding and nasty superior judgemental attitudes appear to go hand in hand. So wrong.

(I bf all three of mine btw but used formula too, one ff a day. Mixed feeding can be a brilliant compromise but of course the classes could never discuss this as an option!)

This baffles me completely.
At my antenatal classes I didn't feel any sort of bias towards bf. The pros and cons of both bf and ff were discussed. Of course the midwives did say they recommend bf, which of course they would but it was never pushed.

Also in my postnatal group friends I don't see any animosity towards either ff or bf. I'm the only one still bf at 8 months, 1 never tried, a couple tried but couldn't and a few did until 6 months or so. All from the same nhs antenatal and postnatal classes. Maybe that's unusual though. I don't know.

Lilicat that is absolutely horrible to read, as are the others - this is what im talking about.
I cant be bastardised for having an enquiry into something that happens, and yet.... sigh.
At the end of the day, i dont know whats going to happen, im happy if baby is happy simple as that. I should be allowed to ask about ff, its not like im giving my child heroine, which is how these midwives react.

The weirdest thing about my experience with FF was the number of people (community midwife, HV, GP) who said 'so are you using Aptimal?' as if I really should have been. I was on C&G at the time but switched to Aptimal in a fit of new-mum paranoia I was doing something wrong

I had to go back into hospital the day after I was allowed home - fairly catastrophic health reason - Due to the obvious understaffing of the maternity ward and my own poor health, I chose to leave my newborn with DH and mil while I got medical attention. Mil asked the mw who had sent me back in "what can we feed the baby "( I was committed to be and had a pump ). "I'm not allowed to tell you" was the response. It's out of control imho.

When my DN was struggling to BF because baby couldn't latch, and wanted to go on to Formula, my sister was at a loss as to what to advise her as it was such a long time since she had had a baby. Sis talked to me about it - the last person you'd think she would ask as I have never given a bottle to my DCs but I am a Mumsnetter! So I looked on Mumsnet for advice re the best bottles and discussed it with my sister, offered to get them for her in Boot's, reminded her that they probably sold them in Tesco's (which she hadn't thought of, and they did) etc.

All that sort of thing could have been covered in a few minutes in a parenting class. What's the bloody harm?

Woffington so what you are saying is that women who did not manage to bf should have tried harder, that they did not try hard enough, they should have 'pushed through the pain'. That is not very helpful, and I do hope that nobody who is struggling to bf or has had to ff because it did not happen for them is reading that.

Good for you that you succeeded, a lot of women try and try to the detriment of their child and themselves. Mothers need to be supported whatever way they feed.

I agree with you OP, it's a crazy situation. I also think that formula feeding advice is needed to challenge all the dodgy family advice popular myths that lead to bottles being prepared with cooled boiled water, etc.

I was an 'extended' bfer btw, and not 'pro formula' in any sense, but when DC1 ended up dehydrated due to a feeding problem and I had no clue what to do/buy, I found my midwife and HV next to useless. Luckily, a lovely woman from LLL talked me through the whole thing over the phone. I would have appreciated it being covered as part of my NHS antenatal classes though.

When ds was so dehydrated and we were admitted to hospital, because of jaundice and low sodium and bilirubin levels, the staff could not have done enough to support me to pump as well as supporting formula. I could have as much formula as baby needed, a kindly paediatric nurse told me that its ok to give baby formula, and to be kind to myself.

I have just come in from a Parent Craft NHS class that talked about both breastfeeding, mixed feeding, expressing and bottle feeding, so it can't be "NHS" policy with these classes to only promote breastfeeding but maybe a Midwife who has a personal agenda? Is not acceptable in my view though and sorry you had a negative experience.

I managed to pump almost exclusively for ds for 9 months, topping up with formula when I ran out of bm.

Absolutely support with bottle feeding is necessary. UNICEF say so aswell in their baby friendly literature. This hospital is using out of date guidelines, rather than the current ones. I would say in my experience more people make bottles incorrectly than correctly - many threads on here confirm this. Emotional support is also needed for those wishing to bf who can't, I would always ensure I ask a woman how she feels when she changes to bottles and talk her through it all. I am appalled at some responses on here.