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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers Day

367 replies

ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 16:07

Its my first Mothers Day with my dd (after serious fertility issues, she was a long time coming) and I would like our lunch out to be just me my husband and our dd (we would visit pil and my mum later that day) My mil wants us all to go out together which would include
my pil and my mum. My husband thinks we should but I dont want to. AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 14:29

Thanks Behind, that's exactly what I was trying to say, but you put it so much better Blush

AlPacinosHooHaa · 10/03/2015 14:30

You seem to be assuming, Alpacino, that none of us disagreeing with the OP have also had our issues re having children

If you have, then you obviously felt different about it. And you still lack empathy.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 14:31

Well if they're unable to comprehend mother's day, how could they celebrate it with their mother? Confused

This thread is getting a bit bizarre now, so I'll leave it because I've made the point I was trying to make.

Enjoy it, whatever you choose to do.

Whippet81 · 10/03/2015 14:32

I think it's really sad that there is a 'fuck off MIL he's mine now' attitude. This is the woman who has raised your DH - given birth to him, sat with him in the middle of the night etc etc you know what I'm saying. Just as you will with your baby.

Yes some MIL's are overbearing but unless she is a complete dragon and causes you other problems then give her a break.

It's my first Mother's Day too. It would be rather nice if we all went out MIL and my mum included (I struggled for years to conceive too).

You're all family. If you want to be just you two then just say so kindly but don't come on MN and slag her off.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 14:34

Op wants to have ONE meal without others. There can be a bigger celebration after!

Why is that excluding mil? Should she attend all op's celebration meals?

anothermakesthree · 10/03/2015 14:34

Have to agree with mariposa10. Of course we will all have different wants occasionally to our family. A happy family is about compromise. If I'm being honest and I don't mean to sound harsh, your post only really talks about what you want, your mothers day, your party, your Christmas.

redcaryellowcar · 10/03/2015 14:35

Yanbu, you are the mummy now (she is elbowing in with only grandma rights) plan your day as you want it and enjoy! You are the one who deserves a cup of tea in bed after a bit extra time pushing out the zzzzz s then lunch at your favourite place, etc.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 10/03/2015 14:35

Well if they're unable to comprehend mother's day, how could they celebrate it with their mother?

Because of the Mother, how she feels - i thought it was about being a mother and all it entails I didn't realise it was just if your child gives you a card, (usually promoted by teachers for young children)?

You're all family. If you want to be just you two then just say so kindly but don't come on MN and slag her off

she hasnt Confused

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 10/03/2015 14:35

Dear god indeed. I didnt realise that as a mother you dont actually get to celebrate mothers day until your child can bring you breakfast in bed and a card! Jesus wept! Only on mumsnet!
You think that child hasnt been promted by father, nursery or gp to give the mother a gesture. Thats no different than a husband acknowleding his wife is now a MOTHER to his child.

OP posts:
AlPacinosHooHaa · 10/03/2015 14:36

Gosh when I think of the hard graft my mother did with my disabled brother, my god but she wasnt worthy of having a mothers day with him?

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 10/03/2015 14:38

Whippett. Where have I slagged her off???

OP posts:
MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/03/2015 14:41

Come on guys - all OP wants is a lunch and a walk with her new family before going on to see Mum and MIL. What on earth is wrong with that? Nothing!
We are all allowed to refuse an invitation or negotiate something that suits us better. We all do this every single day.

She's not excluding anyone, not being rude, not doing anything wrong at all other than ring fence one part of mother's day for a private celebration that means so much to her.
ifeeltheneed - I personally hope you have a lovely day and enjoy the private time as well as the family time.

anothermakesthree · 10/03/2015 14:41

'You are the mummy now'

For gods sake. Fucking grow up.

Behindthepaintedgarden · 10/03/2015 14:41

Ok IFeel YANBU as that is obviously the only answer you're prepared to accept on here Confused

And On AlPacino I don't lack empathy. It is possible to disagree with someone while still understanding where they're coming from. That is what you seem to misunderstand on here.

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 10/03/2015 14:43

Quite Alpacino- clearly your mother cant have a mothers day either! Hmm
Thanks Middleaged. You too.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 14:47

Dear god indeed. I didnt realise that as a mother you dont actually get to celebrate mothers day until your child can bring you breakfast in bed and a card! Jesus wept!

I get that you didn't realise it now.

You also don't seem to realise that because your DH is old enough to celebrate mother's day over lunch with his mum, that's why she would like him to.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 14:51

I'm going to caps this for the hard of reading

HER DH WAS ALWAYS GOING TO!!

it was NEVER either or. It was first this and then this and celebrate all the bloody mothers!

Some of you should be ashamed making op feel bad for wanting to celebrate mothers day. No matter how sentient Her child is, she is a mother too ffs.

My baby died I was still a fucking mother and those who acknowledged that are the kindest people I know. As for all of you who think Mother's Day can only be acknowledged when the child can comprehend it, shame on you.

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 10/03/2015 14:52

Lol Worra. Keep clutching at those straws,

OP posts:
HairyHandedFucker · 10/03/2015 14:54

Worra, MIL has had 30 or 40-odd YEARS of being celebrated. This is OP's first one. I'm all for being inclusive, but on her very first Mother's Day, especially after a trial getting there, I think she can be allowed to have this day be how she wishes. MIL and OP's Mum are being seen - just not at lunchtime.
And it is a time for OP's OH to show his love and appreciation for what his partner does for his child.*

*That said, I don't do Mother's Day myself, and hope my DH and I appreciate each other all the time for our efforts.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 14:55

Can some of the yabuers please explain to me why mil gets dibs on the op, op's dd and op's dm as well?

Why do her plans automatically take precedence?

icedgem30 · 10/03/2015 14:56

Personally for me mothers day doesnt really 'count' until my dd is old enough to understand what it is all about. I know most disagree with me though.

I've asked for no cards or presents from Dp as I have the past two years, because it doesn't matter that dds name is written inside, they're still from dp and I am not his mother.

Each to their own but I don't see the point in a 'just our little family' meal when said child is too small to eat a meal or understand.

Every year I cook a meal for my mum and dad and my Dps mum, dad, brother and sister. I love spoiling my mum and dp's mum, they've done so much. In a few years time when my dd is old enough it will be my turn.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 14:57

Seriously though OP, why ask if you don't like opinions that are the opposite of yours?

I'm not clutching at straws at all when I say that to you, mother's day is not about your child appreciating you.

I'm stating a fact.

icedgem30 · 10/03/2015 14:58

Shame on us? It's just a personal opinion that has no affect on anyone elses life so no I wont be ashamed that I dont think mothers day counts, for me, until my DD can understand.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 15:00

Only on Mumsnet could a sensible and fair suggestion like the MIL, DIL and her Mum all going out to lunch to celebrate mother's day because they're all mothers, be seen as 'getting dibs'.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 10/03/2015 15:01

I've asked for no cards or presents from Dp as I have the past two years, because it doesn't matter that dds name is written inside, they're still from dp and I am not his mother

My DH is an amazing Father I think my DC are very lucky to have him, so on their behalf I have got him a card and told them its Fathers day, because I appreciate him as the father of my children until they can do so with my help in the furture.

the funniest thing is HOW many MILS are actually going to get cards brought, prompted reminded by their DILS on behalf of their DH's! Grin

Maybe worra because she wanted to hear different sides of the argument and nothing on the other side has convinced her. Or is she only allowed to ask on aibu if she is going to agree with the other side?