to think my friend's children should go to church?

[ClassicTron]

Church is very important to my friend she is employed by them and does loads of voluntary stuff on top. There's not much she would prioritise over being in church on a Sunday morning.

Her Dc are now teens but haven't been to church since they were around 7/8. They didn't want to and although she would have liked them to keep going occasionally, she said it was their choice. Her DH is not a church goer.

Most of the time she's fine with this but there are certain occasions when she would badly like them to be there. Her birthday, Christmas.... and Mother's Day.

The church makes a big fuss of mother's day and she runs several children's groups so is very much one of the organisers for this. She has never managed to persuade her children to participate and has told me that she won't be going to church next Sunday because it makes her so sad when everyone else is being given flowers (provided by the church) by their children and hers aren't there. Another child will always present her with flowers, so she's not without but she is very upset by her own children not being there.

AIBU to think that for this day only, her DH should put his foot down and tell his sons they need to go because it will make their mum happy?

They are supposed to "thank" her for not forcing them to go to church????

"
A Catholic wedding involves a mass surely."

Not always. But even if it does, you don't have to take part.

You'd be heartbroken if your boys wouldn't come to church with you? Why?

Because it's so important to me.

Going to a wedding- of whatever faith or none- does not require active participation. Taking part in a Mother's day service would.

Yes a wedding does, you are actively witnessing the vows and you are asked to stand up to do this in a Catholic church.

Neither a wedding or the Mother's Day involves participating in the really religious way, they aren't being made to sing or to say the prayers or go for Communion.

They aren't taking part though, just watching and giving flowers, which isn't religious.

Yabu.

It's her problem & easily remedied-she doesn't go. I'm aware that's not what she wants but we don't always get what we want. She doesn't like it on Mother's Day-maybe she could ask if the dc would like to go for lunch together on that day. She shouldn't make her problem their problem

My friends mother called her new job many years ago to inform them that her daughter would never be working on a Sunday!

Nobody could have forced me/encouraged me/insisted that I got to church from quite a young age. Maybe about 9 or 10. As soon as I received RE in school I started to develop a dislike for organised religion although at that age I wasn't able to quite articulate why.

As a teenager I wouldn't have attended to please someone else either. I will go for a funeral/wedding but that is a celebration of the couple or a goodbye to a loved one who does follow that religion. I have enough respect for the people I care about to accept we all have different views on religion but I wouldn't ever attend outwith these circumstances.

I think the teens are perfectly within their rights to not want to go and this should be respected.

They can give her flowers at home, so the flowers are not relevant to this.

It's the church bit she wants. And church IS religious.

Annunziata (not sure how old your boys are now), what will you do if they really don't want to go? Expect them to carry on doing something they dislike just because it's important to you?

Back again!

I would be disappointed if my atheist teenagers decided they believed in god and started to go to church. Would it be ok for me to stop them going through whatever means?

My oldest is 25. I would be very disappointed, but I wouldn't (couldn't!) make them go.

I would just hope and pray that they would come with me once in a while.

Expect them to carry on doing something they dislike just because it's important to you?

Sometimes, yes. We all do things we dislike if people we love find them important, it's part of being an adult!

I realised I had no faith at 13

I kept going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve with my mother because I knew it would make her happy, she would have been happier if I'd got married in a church and christened the children but that wasn't happening!

My children go to the nativity mass on Christmas Eve initially because I made them but now they are older they do it for me, because I know it would make my mum happy...don't think I'll have too many more years of it

Should point out that she's dead

But to me getting married in church or christening the children would be hypocritical...sitting for an hour once a year and singing Christmas hymns not so much

Everyone's different though, some people would find what I do very hypocritical and that's fine for them

'I would be heartbroken if my boys wouldn't come to church with me.'

You live a charmed life if that's what would break your heart when it comes to your kids.

I did not have children for them to dance to my tune to make me happy. That's my lookout. I want for them to live long enough to develop their own ideas of what's important to them, not go along with things just because of me.

Caffee why so bloody rude and hostile? Fictional, infantile, fatuous. Oh please. Movies are fictional, a lot of sport is (arguably - no offence to sports fans) infantile, and your comments are the definition of fatuous (silly and pointless).

Why on mumsnet is it acceptable to post hysterical, overreacting venom towards religion, especially Christianity? Some atheists are becoming really intolerant.

I still don't really get it that believing in god appears to be an optional extra when it comes to church!

• going to church

It could be anything--a club, a sport, whatever. It happens to be church and it happens to be a day when mothers are honoured. It wouldn't kill them to go just for their mother's sake. Sometimes family members do things they don't want to for the sake of other family members. Whether it's sitting through swimming lessons or standing on freezing touchlines.

hysterical overreacting venom

Really?

'Highly unlikely. They are probably delighted to be left in peace to sit on their arses watching youtube.'

If you were a teen (or in my case, even now), which would you chose: church or YouTube?

No contest.

YABU and the idea of forcing children to go to a religious service is disgusting - oh really, you'll be telling us that it is child abuse next.

Marshy - people who do not believe in God can and do go to Church - all are welcome, you don't have to give your credentials when you go in - certainly not in any of the many Churches I have been to.

Some of the views on this thread are getting hysterical, it is perfectly possible for two teenagers to attend church with their mother just as a 'nice thing to do'. Just as many of us mothers probably do all sorts of things for our children that we don't want to - but because we are kind and want to show them we care.

Annunziata by your definition, perhaps.
To me, being an adult is being able to do things by myself rather than expecting my adult children to accompany me.

expat - actually as a teen I did choose to go to Church, despite my mother being Athiest and my father having no interest.

Of course faith is an optional extra, you don't explode in flames as soon as you go through the doors!

They aren't being ask to join the priesthood, just to come to one church service. That's all.

I would hope that my children could understand that supporting their friends and family with their views is equally as important as having and defending their own opinions.

Are these negative responses motivated by this being about Church? What if this was watching a TV programme, going to bingo, or some other activity that is important to the mum.

Many people cone on here asking for advice on behalf of others and have never faced such uproar.

Very sad and shamefully biased attitude.

No one should ever feel obligated to attend a religious ceremony of any kind, Mother's Day or not.