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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh child was a one night stand

144 replies

proudmummywife · 08/03/2015 18:52

This was of course b4 me I met him when baby was 4 weeks. What annoys me is this is the 2nd child she conceived through one night stand. Any way not that that matters but it annoys me that he can't remember and he was intoxicated (is it possible to orgasm for him if he was that bad? he says it would be if u never had sex for full year) anyway what really annoys me is I feel she took advantage and if it was a man sober slept with intoxicated woman it would be looked at in a different light? My husband is a shy respectable man he wouldn't be type to sleep around.. An in his right mind he did never look at this woman she is very dirty looking bad teeth poor hygiene. This woman annoys me she is really rough lives in a house that is so dirty doesn't bath child child always vomits I think cos of the level of dirt. I love dsd I just hate the circumstances and am I being unreasonable to have it annoys me? This woman started making up illnesses about child to meet her at hospital to be sent home coming up to our wedding three times in one week and thinks she is more to dh than Wat she simply is a one night stand and mother of his child but no relationship. She friended all dhs friends on fb that she doesnt kno tryst with his family to friend on fb they don't get it either. Am I being unreasonable to dislike her so strongly?

OP posts:
MaggieGreene · 08/03/2015 18:55

How long have you been with your husband? I think you need to take a step back. This woman is nothing to do with you, nor is her lifestyle, her friends or her looks. Hmm Concentrate on your own life.

Cookiecake · 08/03/2015 18:55

I think you've actually been quite nasty about her. The one night stand was down to both of them and the whole he wouldn't look at her sober isn't very nice. I think have your opinions on how she acts but I don't really think then say you have spoken about her is nice.

If you are worried about the welfare of the child there must be more you can do. It's not an ideal situation but you were aware of it before you got together.

DixieNormas · 08/03/2015 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 08/03/2015 18:56

Yabu. You presumably only have his word to go on and it may be a slightly different version of events to hers. He chose to sleep with her, took no precautions and now faces a long term responsibility. You knew this when you got together, your issue about this and how he manages his ongoing relationships should lie with him not her.

BubblesInMyBath · 08/03/2015 18:57

I can see why you wouldn't warm to her, I wouldn't warm to someone my DH had a child with prior to me, one night stand or not

But I think YABU and quite judgemental of her, it's fine to not like her but the way I read into your OP it came over that you'd dislike her whatever - which is ok. But doesn't need to be dressed up that she's a neglectful dirty person

PureMorning · 08/03/2015 18:59

You sound really charming.

fixedit · 08/03/2015 18:59

How disgusting is your DH to go with such an ugly dirty slob. Hmm

Lyinginwait888 · 08/03/2015 18:59

I thought this was a joke Shock

If you are for real OP just spend 5 minutes thinking about what you've just written and whether you're absolutely sure it's the truth. All of it.

Most of it is heressay and embellished surely?

wowfudge · 08/03/2015 19:01

It may have been out of character, but it takes two to tango and he bears just as much responsibility for conceiving the child.

Your post is pretty bloody awful tbh.

SquirmOfEels · 08/03/2015 19:03

No-one has to like their partner's exes.

But the real issue here is your description of child neglect and fabricated illnesses. What is your DP doing to improve life for his DD? Is he seeking to have her live with you, either completely or at least more of the time?

SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 19:03

How can someone with such a poor grasp of the English language be so superior and snooty.

googoodolly · 08/03/2015 19:03

You sound such a delight Hmm

Your DH is equally as responsible as her for this child. If you're going to slag her off, why aren't you doing the same to him?

ApocalypseThen · 08/03/2015 19:05

You sound like quite a dreadful person. I suppose it suits your purposes to demean this woman in the base manner you do, but you really do have to accept your husband is to blame for his situation.

FaktiskErJegIkkeEnNerd · 08/03/2015 19:05

I think you have to accept that your h behaved very shabbily, not once but twice. I agree that you don't have to like your h's exes but try not to be superior as soupdragon says. Afterall, your H may have cleaned his teeth but he had a history of not being able to put on a condom.

Good luck with it all.

Spadequeen · 08/03/2015 19:06

Wow, you sound delightful op.

HeartShapedBox · 08/03/2015 19:07

Well, she may be a clatty manky skank, but he shagged her without a condom, so what does that say about him?

knackered69 · 08/03/2015 19:07

This reply has been deleted

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pinkyredrose · 08/03/2015 19:08

What?

SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 19:08

Can I just add that ordinarily I wouldn't comment on grammar and spelling but in the light of all that judginess and snootiness in the OP I couldn't let it go.

FenellaFellorick · 08/03/2015 19:08

She's the mother of his child and really it's not your place to judge her.

Your husband has to provide for the child he helped to create. For the sake of that child he should also (as should you) be a little more respectful to and about the mother of his child. If he feels that his child is being neglected then he should follow the proper channels.

You really need to take a step back, accept he has this child and has obligations and stop looking for reasons to judge and hate the mother. She's going to be in your lives forever and it's in all your interests to get along.

pinkyredrose · 08/03/2015 19:09

OP I'm not quite sure what you want or expect people to say. You sound rather immature.

mynewpassion · 08/03/2015 19:09

Maybe your DH just isn't good at picking women

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/03/2015 19:10

Has he had a DNA test; if he was that drunk could he DTD?

Finola1step · 08/03/2015 19:10

It took two to make this child. That is all.

BubblesInMyBath · 08/03/2015 19:11

Also, he should go to the hospital if there is concern over his child's health, the fact that this was in the run up to your wedding tbh is irrelevant.

I could believe that someone could be selfish/stupid enough to fake an illness and spend hours in A&E once, but just don't buy it that any woman could do it three times in the same week. I presume she had a genuine worry to return a further two times. She'd still have gone regardless of whether your DH turned up?