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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dh child was a one night stand

144 replies

proudmummywife · 08/03/2015 18:52

This was of course b4 me I met him when baby was 4 weeks. What annoys me is this is the 2nd child she conceived through one night stand. Any way not that that matters but it annoys me that he can't remember and he was intoxicated (is it possible to orgasm for him if he was that bad? he says it would be if u never had sex for full year) anyway what really annoys me is I feel she took advantage and if it was a man sober slept with intoxicated woman it would be looked at in a different light? My husband is a shy respectable man he wouldn't be type to sleep around.. An in his right mind he did never look at this woman she is very dirty looking bad teeth poor hygiene. This woman annoys me she is really rough lives in a house that is so dirty doesn't bath child child always vomits I think cos of the level of dirt. I love dsd I just hate the circumstances and am I being unreasonable to have it annoys me? This woman started making up illnesses about child to meet her at hospital to be sent home coming up to our wedding three times in one week and thinks she is more to dh than Wat she simply is a one night stand and mother of his child but no relationship. She friended all dhs friends on fb that she doesnt kno tryst with his family to friend on fb they don't get it either. Am I being unreasonable to dislike her so strongly?

OP posts:

ApocalypseThen · 08/03/2015 19:29

*Why not a DNA test?
just because two people have sex does not mean they are the parents.

She can bonk a football team for all I care but how likely is it to get pg from one act of sex with a drunk man?*

He's accepted he's the father. Other than the immensely unflattering portrait the OP has elected to paint of this woman, we have no knowledge of her. To assume she's a liar on the information provided is deeply odd.

Also, if you think that drunk men can't conceive children, you'd possibly want to have a chat with your GP. They will have news for you - they see babies conceived by drunk people every single day.

TheSolitaryWanderer · 08/03/2015 19:29

So he's a father, and his child is living in a filthy house?
Has he gone for custody, equally-shared parenting? Pulled on his marigolds and done some cleaning? Does he have a relationship with this child that he fathered?

AyeAmarok · 08/03/2015 19:29

Lol. Agree with AF, your DH has very poor taste in women. And isn't too choosey.

LIZS · 08/03/2015 19:32

Jeremy Kyle anyone?

AGirlCalledBoB · 08/03/2015 19:36

Lizs I would love to see that!

Just to see op's face when her perfect, shy and so does not have one night stands usually oh is shouted at.

"You should have stuck something on the end of then"

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 19:36

Ewww. You gotta be scraping the bottom of the barrel to even give the time of day to a guy who has a 4 week old baby and shags around with no condom. Yuk. Where do you even meet such a specimen?

londonrach · 08/03/2015 19:37

This has to be a set up as no one can be that nasty. Daily mail?

BubblesInMyBath · 08/03/2015 19:38

I'd personally enjoy watching as JK told her he was going to pay for one night stand mums 'poor teeth' to get fixed

I really think sounds like she could do with a break

x2boys · 08/03/2015 19:38

expat.

Viviennemary · 08/03/2015 19:39

I think he should have a DNA test. But really all this has absolutely nothing to do with you. How another woman brings up her child. If you have grave concerns the child is being neglected or badly treated then by all means report to SS. Otherwise mind your own business.

ghostyslovesheep · 08/03/2015 19:41

wow!

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 19:44

Can you imagine? 'Oh, I have a 4-week-old baby by a one night stand?' 'Really? Nice to know you.'

I mean, that's skuzzy.

MrsFrankieHeck · 08/03/2015 19:45

The poor woman who got knocked up may have poor teeth and be a bit dirty but she sounds like the sort of woman who knows how to spell what.

Micah · 08/03/2015 19:45

For the sake of argument though, what's the opinion if the bloke was too drunk to consent?

The o/p is right in that if a man has sex with a very drunk woman who is too impaired to consent then it's rape. Why, the other way round is it all "two to tango" and his responsibility to wear a condom? Is it impossible for a man to be too impaired by alcohol to consent to sex? Why jump to the conclusion that he was a willing participant because he's male?

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 08/03/2015 19:45

This is depressing. This is the second thread in two day I have read where concerns of neglect are being sideswept by OPs in favour of nitpicking over far less important issues.

OP hate her all you want but if you and your husband are not actually doing anything to try and get this situation sorted out then you my dear are just as bad.

None of you come out of this situation looking very good. Poor kid.

WhingeyMinge · 08/03/2015 19:46

Maybe she's adding his family because they are her child's family too?

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 08/03/2015 19:48

Micah - I think that given that he was able to stay erect long enough to ejaculate he possibly wasn't as drunk as he has told his wife.

HeisenbergsBlueMeth · 08/03/2015 19:53

Oh OP just admit you are jealous of this woman because she has a child with your husband meaning she will always be in his life

And you've chosen to believe every single thing he's told you about her because its easier than facing up to the fact that he shagged her coz he fancied her

AGirlCalledBoB · 08/03/2015 19:53

Of course he was not that drunk.

Op just wants to put all blame on the woman so she feels better about her oh having a one night stand with this woman without contraception.

You only have to look at her posts to realise her oh did not have a knife to his back. He wanted sex, op said he had not had it for a year and this is the woman he chose to have it with.

Micah · 08/03/2015 19:54

So you're saying if a man can get an erection/ejaculate he's consented to sex?

Has that ever been tried in court? It seems to me people automatically assume a man wants sex regardless of capacity.

I agree though, if the child's conditions are that bad why not go for custody?

BeyondRepair · 08/03/2015 19:54

This is the second thread in two day I have read where concerns of neglect are being sideswept by OPs in favour of nitpicking over far less important issues

^ this my heart is going out for this child. I hope you are doing all in your power to help this child and supporting your DH to do the same?

surely its getting cleaned and looked after at your house, he buys clothes and support it?

this is life I am afraid lots of children are products of this, your DH brought this child into the world, tough shit, he needs to take responsibilty, this is a life in the balance here, and largely thats down to you as his wife.

I hope you can find it in your heart to help this child and help your DH realise his responsibilty.

x2boys · 08/03/2015 19:57

Not sure Micah but if a man can get aroused enough to have sex and an orgasm,than can a women take advantage?

Micah · 08/03/2015 20:01

So if a woman's partner posted here and said they were really drunk and had had sex with another man you would all say "of course they weren't that drunk, they're lying because they cheated on you?" No one would say poor woman has been assaulted and needs support. What happened to the onus being on the attacker not to attack, rather than the victim not to be drunk, regardless of gender?

Victim blaming much? You can't assume the o/p or her partner isn't being truthful.

A lot of man hatred and double standards here.

Micah · 08/03/2015 20:03

X2boys-it's not always a conscious response, men do get erections and ejaculate in their sleep, so presumably they can while drunk enough to be cognitively impaired.

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 08/03/2015 20:03

I'm not sure that is exactly what I'm saying. It's not something I have given much thought to. I guess my thought trail was that due to the male anatomy if consent wasn't given a woman couldn't physically PIV rape a man to the point of ejaculation. If he was willing to have sex with the woman and put himself in the position to do so as appears from the OP I would hazard a guess at consent being present.

I'm not really sure.

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