dh child was a one night stand

[proudmummywife]

This was of course b4 me I met him when baby was 4 weeks. What annoys me is this is the 2nd child she conceived through one night stand. Any way not that that matters but it annoys me that he can't remember and he was intoxicated (is it possible to orgasm for him if he was that bad? he says it would be if u never had sex for full year) anyway what really annoys me is I feel she took advantage and if it was a man sober slept with intoxicated woman it would be looked at in a different light? My husband is a shy respectable man he wouldn't be type to sleep around.. An in his right mind he did never look at this woman she is very dirty looking bad teeth poor hygiene. This woman annoys me she is really rough lives in a house that is so dirty doesn't bath child child always vomits I think cos of the level of dirt. I love dsd I just hate the circumstances and am I being unreasonable to have it annoys me? This woman started making up illnesses about child to meet her at hospital to be sent home coming up to our wedding three times in one week and thinks she is more to dh than Wat she simply is a one night stand and mother of his child but no relationship. She friended all dhs friends on fb that she doesnt kno tryst with his family to friend on fb they don't get it either. Am I being unreasonable to dislike her so strongly?

I see your point Micah. It is one I haven't really thought of. I think given what this particular man has said about the 1 year thing I'm going to stick with my guess that he consented, unless the OP has something else to add.

The reason I'm not all that interested in the allegations of neglect is that I suspect they're entirely false or greatly exaggerated to suit the op's rather transparent agenda.

Let's not start to discuss whether the OH was raped, for crying out loud.

He got drunk and wanted a shag, didn't use a condom and the woman got pregnant.

Micah I,m not disagreeing with you just something I've not thought of !

On the other hand in my single days I had a few one night stands that were regrettable in the cold light of day but I would never say they were not consensual alcohol makes people become disinhibited and do you things they wouldn't do sober but people do have to take responsibility for themselves.

I am inclined to agree with you aye

Is there really any suggestion that op's h was unwilling?

No of course there isn't. Nothing op wrote made me think her oh was forced.

More that he had a year without sex, got a bit drunk, had sex with the first woman available and then regretted it in the morning.

Micah Thankyou ! If it was the other way everyone would be up in arms. You are absolutely right.

No, I'm asking why everyone is automatically jumping to the POV that he's a man, therefore must have shagged around without a condom, be lying about it, and trying to shirk responsibility for the subsequent baby.

I was questioning why you all jumped to that conclusion, when if it had been the other way round a woman would have been believed had she said she was too drunk to consent.

Double standards.

I don't know if it's the case here, and indeed the o/p does say "I feel she took advantage" so who knows what her poor husband is or isn't claiming. It's o/p's opinion, her husband may well be taking responsibility and not lying about anything at all.

Just trying to make some people think- that it is possible for a woman to assault a man. It's a sad day when we assume a man is always lying or trying to deceive his partner, it can be the other way round :)

I don't assume at all that a man does not give consent Micah myself.

However judging by op's post I find it unlikely that her oh did not give consent.

More that op does not want to accept the situation and her oh's choice in his one night stand.

Very nasty post, OP.

If she makes habits of barebacking with her one night stands how does he even know the child is his?
You might want to go check yourself for sexually transmitted infections because regardless what you think of the woman your husband barebacked her.

If she is so horrible and her house so dirty why on earth hasn't your "respectable man" gone for full custody?

Not sure why were still commenting because this is either a troll or the OP is the sort who will not listen anyway.
Nobody is this stupid to expect any different response surely??

How do you know that your DH was telling the truth about that night?

You sound immature and jealous.

Ok this is why I posted on here to get perspective.. maybe I am being unreasonable. coming across as nasty was not my intention. We do have the child four nights a week. She has called me mummy regular I do correct her and I do give her mummy her place. We are civil to one another as I do the collecting and dropping off. I obviously put it across wrongly and I look like a monster to everyone but obviously the whole back story nobody knows. my husband is a fantastic father to our kids. When I was on maternity I took child for mother all the time and help her loads. it is just a niggle in my mind how she was conceived and no dh is not a liar he did take paternity test when child was couple weeks old. We have child four nights even when husband working. I feel really hurt that I've had this abuse for one post.

Did he cheat on you with her?

I know my husband is telling the truth he is a good honest man. You can all say I'm gullible but nobody here knows him. And I will probably get hounded for this too but her mum has got pregnant again and still single. also my husband did not have two one night stands just that one as u all read me wrong.

No he didnt cheat. It's not the one night stand why I posted it's to ask aibu to think if it was a drunk girl and sober man would it be as acceptable? I maybe added too much and came across spiteful but that's not who I am. I feel craps now.

OP I don't think there's any rule you must like her, but for the sake of your DSD and any DC you have which are siblings to DSD, I think you'll have to try very hard to hide how "dirty/slutty/attention seeking etc" you feel she is to the best of your ability. She's DSD's mum and regardless of it being a one night stand - that demands respect.

Your paying a little to much attention to what she's doing with her life, be supportive, be kind - but don't stress about what she does with her life, if your DH harbours no feelings towards her, she's no threat to you.

What does your husband say about it?
Does he feel he was taken advantage of when drunk?

Was she drunk too?

Does it really matter now - whether she took advantage?

He's not claiming he was taken advantage of is he? That's your way of coping with him having slept with her and her remaining in your life through DSD. True or not, I could see why believing that would make it easier to accept.

She may be the type of woman who has one night stands any time she fancies another baby, it's possible. But, not really your concern. Your DH only needs to father and support his own with her.