Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

dh child was a one night stand

144 replies

proudmummywife · 08/03/2015 18:52

This was of course b4 me I met him when baby was 4 weeks. What annoys me is this is the 2nd child she conceived through one night stand. Any way not that that matters but it annoys me that he can't remember and he was intoxicated (is it possible to orgasm for him if he was that bad? he says it would be if u never had sex for full year) anyway what really annoys me is I feel she took advantage and if it was a man sober slept with intoxicated woman it would be looked at in a different light? My husband is a shy respectable man he wouldn't be type to sleep around.. An in his right mind he did never look at this woman she is very dirty looking bad teeth poor hygiene. This woman annoys me she is really rough lives in a house that is so dirty doesn't bath child child always vomits I think cos of the level of dirt. I love dsd I just hate the circumstances and am I being unreasonable to have it annoys me? This woman started making up illnesses about child to meet her at hospital to be sent home coming up to our wedding three times in one week and thinks she is more to dh than Wat she simply is a one night stand and mother of his child but no relationship. She friended all dhs friends on fb that she doesnt kno tryst with his family to friend on fb they don't get it either. Am I being unreasonable to dislike her so strongly?

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 09/03/2015 05:18

'So, did he have a DNA test or not?'

OP has posted twice that he has.

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/03/2015 07:05

Some posters on here really need to research in to male biology. Its fairly clear from what they are posting that they know very little about it.

ThatCuckingFat · 09/03/2015 07:15

If the husband had come on here with the same story saying he felt taken advantage of, i would feel some sympathy. But it's actually his wife who has, with the version of events he has given her, in a rant how she basically just doesn't like this woman, including personal insults, with the bit about being taken advantage of thrown in for added effect. Sorry but I'm not going to sit and decide that he was raped, we weren't there, she wasn't even there.
In regards to consent I actually don't think it should be 'no means no', I think it should be 'yes means yes', for both parties involved.

Greysanderson · 09/03/2015 07:32

Right just to clear some things up here men can get an erection when drunk it can even happen if they are passed out or sleeping. A man does not have to be aware of what's going on his penis can just respond to a physical stimulus. A lot of people on here obviously know nothing about the male body and I suggest they stick to giving advice about their own rather than give misinformation.

I don't know what happened so I will go with the OPs story the man doesn't have any reason to lie. But I will say that some posts of here are basically saying if he was hard it means he consented. If someone can on here and said a woman was wet which means she was aroused and therefore consented you would absolutely rip that person to pieces.

Stinkylinky · 09/03/2015 07:59

This thread is awful. OP you sound so bitter and nasty. Focus on your own life. I don't quite know what sort of response you expected

TheChickenSituation · 09/03/2015 08:30

Christ. Why would she 'plan the baby'....?

What sort of solo parent thinks - 'hey, I know what sounds like shits and giggles!?! A nother baby!! Yeah! Let's go and get me knocked up pronto, and let the good times roll!' ?

AGirlCalledBoB · 09/03/2015 08:44

TheChicken.

Op will come on next to say the woman does it for the benefits and csa money

TheChickenSituation · 09/03/2015 08:46

True, after all, she's probably on Easy Street now, what with all that £$€ rolling in.

Micah · 09/03/2015 13:36

The chicken.

It's not entirely unheard of for women to deliberately get pregnant. I had a friend who hit 30, no partner, and decided she wanted a child. So a ons it was. That was 20 years ago, and she and her child have been very happy.

I used to work in a very deprived area. It wasn't unusual for a 15 year old to get pregnant in order to be eligible for housing to get away from an abusive family situation. One even brought me the forms before she was pregnant, and openly admitted she intended to get pregnant as soon as possible.

Some of you seem to think women are always in the right, men in the wrong as default.

FaktiskErJegIkkeEnNerd · 09/03/2015 13:49

if there were more support and encouragement for young girls in abusive home settings then there'd be less planned pregnancy. It's not really fair as an adult to stand in judgement of a young girl who has a crappy home life and no options in the future to speak of getting pregnant. In a way it's just nature. We move circuitously round nature with contraception and life plans and budgeting and thinking about braces and college fees etc, but for somebody who's not even in that race, not even from behind that starting block then it's not right to judge. That woman isn't 'bad' to have got pregnant deliberately.

SuperFlyHigh · 09/03/2015 13:49

The black and white of it is, that had one of the parties involved used contraception then there would be no baby. Your DH is to blame in this respect and he knows it. If he doesn't believe (say she'd told him she was on the pill etc) then he either uses a condom or no sex. he can't have been that blind drunk not to be able to put a condom on.

And how convenient of him to say (and you agree with him) that she tricked him. I wonder what her side of the story is?

SuperFlyHigh · 09/03/2015 13:50

AGirl and TheChicken I know laughable right?! Next thing the OP will be saying how easy it is that this woman is a single parent?!

Micah · 09/03/2015 14:40

Not judging. Just pointing out that some females have their reasons for getting pregnant without a man's consent. I'm not saying being a single parent is easy, but some women do choose it, whatever reason.

Women can assault men. They can have sex while too drunk to have the capacity to consent. He can have been too drunk to use a condom. If a woman was too drunk to consent would you expect her to be able to insist on a condom? An erection does not equal consent ffs. Coma patients can get erections, 13 year old boys can get erections. If a grown woman had sex with a 13 year old is it automatically consent because he got an erection and ejaculated? Consent is having the capacity to make that decision.

To say no woman would deliberately get pregnant and that a man can't be incapacitated is misinformed at best.

TheChickenSituation · 09/03/2015 16:38

Micah - I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Although your example is not the same, as it was someone trying to get pregnant for this first time. Not a solo parent already with a child.

It's just the OPs depiction of this woman as conniving, immoral, duplicitous, cunning... Whilst painting her poor, respectable husband as a saint. Something doesn't quite add up.

BoozeyTuesday · 09/03/2015 16:47

It doesn't matter how the child was conceived, what matters is the child's welfare. You should report to SS if the child's living conditions are as bad as you say.

FaktiskErJegIkkeEnNerd · 09/03/2015 16:47

I agree, a half decent guy doesn't tend to have drunken unprotected sex with a woman he finds so distasteful. I'm sure we all make mistakes and I've made a few but 'owning' your mistake speaks volumes imo. Living and learning, not living and blaming.

Middlerose · 09/03/2015 18:24

How did this man find the time to meet a new woman when his baby was just 4 weeks old?

MistressDeeCee · 09/03/2015 18:36

Well there are plenty of threads on here where the ex is described as an outright cow, all on the man's say so - or, all the current marital financial issues are blamed on the ex. Its ridiculous how women seem to find it so easy to blame other women at the drop of a hat, and naively pretend their DHs are saints even if he is complicit in whatever situation it is.

OP - so what if it was a one night stand? Nothing to do with you, it wasnt your time and now, the child is paramount. Id be annoyed at the ex befriending all your DHs friends on FB I suppose, but as to the rest she just sounds as if she is struggling, and her child (although I hope not) could be neglected. You & your DH could discuss this and step up to the plate, try to help for the sake of his DC whilst you're keeping busy criticising another woman, what about the child...? You don't have to like her. But you could do the right thing, talk and think about getting some help - that goes for your DH too actually, Mr Shy & Respectable...he is the child's father after all and your criticisms are misplaced

Pagwatch · 09/03/2015 18:44

I would be far more concerned about a partner who tried to portray himself as some sort of hapless victim in this situation, then by the state of her teeth or whether she wanted to get pregnant.

He chose to have unprotected sex, he should summon some dignity and try and be a parent.

Op it's easier and more convenient for you to blame her than to blame him. That's all this is. Blame shifting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6