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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my partner replace their iPad?

133 replies

letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 09:51

My partner has accidentally dropped and smashed their iPad 4 after putting it somewhere they shouldn't have (edge of the sink). It's an iPad 4, it used to be mine but I gave it to them shortly after I bought it as I got bored with it. I've always said that if they break it then they can replace it, a few days prior to breaking it they were hinting at getting a new one but I'm happy to believe that it's a coincidence that it's now broken.

Anyway they now want to borrow over £500 from our joint account to pay for a new iPad and case, I'm reluctant to say yes as there's not much in our savings account and I'd rather continue to save up to get married, go on a honeymoon and to replace some furniture/decorate our bedroom etc. They say that they'll put a bit extra in the joint account every month to pay for it but as they work term time only they'd struggle to do so and we'd still be over £500 short.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 08/03/2015 09:54

Yabu to 'not let' a grown adult do anything!!!

thenextday · 08/03/2015 09:55

You sound controlling.

Hakluyt · 08/03/2015 09:57

"I'm happy to believe that it's a coincidence that it's now broken."

No you're not!

SylvaniansAtEase · 08/03/2015 09:58

Um, it's not controlling to refuse to agree to JOINTLY EARNED savings being put towards something you don't want them to be, something they were never intended to be used for, and which you'd describe as a non-essential, for the use of one person not the family.

Unfortunate use of words, but the point of view is perfectly reasonable.

TheXxed · 08/03/2015 09:58

Its your joint account, so of course you have a say. That doesn't sound controlling to me.

If your partner will reimburse the joint account then I would say that's fine.

Shakirasma · 08/03/2015 09:59

Do you not have accidental damage on your home insurance?

If not, I can see why you're annoyed but they have as much right to access the joint account as you. It's a courtesy to discuss it with you but it's controlling of you to think they need your permission.

TwoOddSocks · 08/03/2015 10:00

I actually think YANBU. It's a joint account so if one person wants to make a big purchase both partners should agree to it. Neither me nor my husband would make a big purchase, particularly one that only benefited one of us without the other person being happy with it. Can he not save up for the iPad with the extra money he'd be putting in then buy it once he's finished saving.

dollius · 08/03/2015 10:00

How does one "borrow" from a joint account?? You got a new iPad because you were "bored" of the one you had - did I read that right? - but your partner can't have a new one. Sounds like you need to have a proper think about what sharing actually means before you get married.

NerrSnerr · 08/03/2015 10:01

Not sure you can 'not let' a grown adult do something.

TheXxed · 08/03/2015 10:01

Shak it's shared money, so its not just a courtesy.

IDontDoIroning · 08/03/2015 10:02

I think you should retititle your post as Am I unreasonable not to let partner borrow from our joint savings to replace ipad they broke through their own negligence.

They can buy what they want if they can afford to fund it. If they can't then that's another matter.

Obviously half of the joint savings is theirs and you can't dictate how they use their own money, I suppose if you take the same amount out then that's fair. It also isn't fair for you go be the only person to dictate how these savings are used.

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:02

I did not buy a new iPad once I gave them the iPad 4.

OP posts:
Jinglebells99 · 08/03/2015 10:03

I'm confused by this post. Who are the "they" and "them" you refer to? If you are talking about your partner breaking the iPad, why not "him" or "her"?

SylvaniansAtEase · 08/03/2015 10:04

OP I would say that I don't agree to blowing £500 of the savings on an iPad, and suggest that instead your partner saves from their own spending money portion of the joint funds. If you don't have your money set up like that, now's the time to do it:

Work out total amount of money coming in.
Work out total spend on bills, mortgage, food etc.
The rest of the money is spending money.

Work out the division of money into essentials and spends - eg if you have 2k a month coming in, and £1800 of that goes out on essentials, the remainder is £200 - so £100 a month would be partner's to do with as they wish. Note for recognition of unpaid work eg in the home, the spends are split equally, not by who earns more.

Do this and tell partner that that amount is theirs to do with as they wish, the iPad can be bought from that.

MetallicBeige · 08/03/2015 10:04

Who are 'they'? I'm assuming your dc?

SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 10:04

It would probably be cheaper to have it repaired.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 10:05

This is one of those stupid gender neutral OPs where the poster is trying to make a point about how fair he/she is.

You don't need to save much to get married, it costs only license fee

Shakirasma · 08/03/2015 10:06

Legally it is TheXxed, either one of them can access that account without the others permission. I don't need my husbands approval every time I make a purchase or vice versa.

However if there is any element of abuse of the account, or mistrust, maybe they should reassess whether a joint account is a suitable resource in their relationship. If you can't trusts our partner not to take the piss with joint money, don't allow them access to your funds!

Fairylea · 08/03/2015 10:07

I can see why you would not want to use the money from the joint account. Ideally your partner would save up from their own spending money and buy it that way (dh and I have a joint account for the house etc but we also transfer a set amount to single accounts for spending as we wish - equal amounts, we buy our things from this).

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/03/2015 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MetallicBeige · 08/03/2015 10:07

Blush Sorry op, reread and think I get it now.

I don't think yabu to want to discuss joint money being spent on big purchases. Can the screen be replaced or is it entirely useless?

26Point2Miles · 08/03/2015 10:08

Op feels 'they' can say no to an iPad but still controls the account by saying what it shoul be spent on (wedding/bedroom)

EveDallas · 08/03/2015 10:09

I think OP is using 'They' and 'Their' and 'partner' etc to fudge the gender issue. OP is probably a man and expecting the women of MN to blast him solely because of his gender. He thinks by writing his OP in this way he will get fairer replies.

It's a pretty irritating writing style though, isn't it?

VivaLeBeaver · 08/03/2015 10:09

Can't the iPad be fixed? There's lots of places now which fix screens, etc.

Poppytime · 08/03/2015 10:09

Do 'they' use the iPad a lot? I can also see why you wouldn't want them to spend joint account money, but at least they have offered to pay it back bit by bit. The whole saving up thing is more sensible but it is a little like a parent telling a child what to do...

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