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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my partner replace their iPad?

133 replies

letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 09:51

My partner has accidentally dropped and smashed their iPad 4 after putting it somewhere they shouldn't have (edge of the sink). It's an iPad 4, it used to be mine but I gave it to them shortly after I bought it as I got bored with it. I've always said that if they break it then they can replace it, a few days prior to breaking it they were hinting at getting a new one but I'm happy to believe that it's a coincidence that it's now broken.

Anyway they now want to borrow over £500 from our joint account to pay for a new iPad and case, I'm reluctant to say yes as there's not much in our savings account and I'd rather continue to save up to get married, go on a honeymoon and to replace some furniture/decorate our bedroom etc. They say that they'll put a bit extra in the joint account every month to pay for it but as they work term time only they'd struggle to do so and we'd still be over £500 short.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Aridane · 08/03/2015 10:27

How old is he - six?

SweetValentine · 08/03/2015 10:27

To me it depends on how they use it and how often. To our family we have a tablet but if it broke we wouldn't replace it.

I have a Smartphone however and if it broke i would want it replaced asap. It is not an essential but it is important to me. i can understand peopke feel that way about their ipads

noblegiraffe · 08/03/2015 10:29

If you bought the iPad for yourself with joint money then it should be replaced with joint money.

If you bought it with your own money and they don't have enough of their own money, then you need to consider your finances after you get married. One partner having way more cash for fripperies than the other is a potential issue.

SylvaniansAtEase · 08/03/2015 10:30

but it doesn't matter what gender anyone is.

It's not ok for a couple to save jointly and then one person take big chunks to fund fun stuff just for themselves.

OP needs to give more detail of course - is the partner intending to pay MORE in to the joint over the next x months to make up the deficit, and it's just that they want the ipad now? How much of the joint savings is down to each partner - maybe a way forward is to forget the idea of joint savings. Why can't the ipad be repaired? Where did the cash come from for the first one, and who decided on that? etc.

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:32

To answer a few more questions, yes I'm male, I kept it gender neutral because I knew that some would jump in calling me controlling without reading the OP. Which has backfired so I apologise.

No there are no children, my partner working term time only was her choice, I put approximately £1k in the joint and she puts £600 in when she can, she doesn't get paid during half term etc so it's often less.

I bought the iPad before we moved in together out of my own money.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 10:34

Why don't you look at repairing it? I

thenextday · 08/03/2015 10:35

So you earn more and put more in. She puts in "when she can".
I think money is going to be an issue for you going forward.
Will it ever be "our" money in joint account?

Trills · 08/03/2015 10:36

Do you each have personal spending money, to do what you like with?

And is the calculation of what goes into the joint account done in such a way that you both have a fair and reasonable amount of spending money?

"I broke my iPad" sounds like it should come out of that.

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:36

We could get it repaired I guess but she'd like a new one as the battery life is awful.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 08/03/2015 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HesterShaw · 08/03/2015 10:39

New battery?

HesterShaw · 08/03/2015 10:40

Try and repair it if you can. The throwaway culture we have is depressing and damaging.

I know that's not the point of the thread but still.

SukieTuesday · 08/03/2015 10:40

Ok, I'll try again.

INSURANCE!

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:40

It is our money in the joint account in the sense that meals/days out etc come from it, big ticket items are discussed beforehand. She has always been able to put money in but occasionally it's only as much as £400 which means for that month we wouldn't get takeaways etc as otherwise we'd struggle. We do have our own money left over but it's certainly not hundreds of pounds.

OP posts:
Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:41

I'll check our insurance coverage.

OP posts:
clam · 08/03/2015 10:46

Battery life aside (just charge it up more often??), check out getting it repaired. We've had a laptop screen and two i/smartphones repaired when the screens looked totally done for.

silverstreak · 08/03/2015 10:46

I don't think your partner is unreasonable in wanting another tablet as once you have had one they are awesome - I certainly couldn't be without mine now - but I do think that your partner is being unreasonable in wanting to replace it with an iPad at such ridiculous cost.... I hate apple for this! I have some experience of this situation as something v. Similar happened to me (but with a Nexus) - I was gifted a pretty expensive Nexus by partner as my first tablet, loved it, but tbh didn't look after it as well as I could have and after leaving it somewhere precarious it became broke beyond repair (corner smashed so screen And touch sensor ruined).... After a suitable period of deprivation - self imposed as punishment :) - I replaced it with a 70quid job from Amazon which does virtually exactly the same as the Nexus but with less bells on, iyswim, as I couldn't justify my clumsiness losing us jointly a few hundred pounds.... I'm pretty sure though that my Dp wouldn't have stopped me if I'd wanted to, I just couldn't do it myself! Could you not suggest to partner I cheaper tablet (or even reconditioned iPad) as a compromise?

Preciousbane · 08/03/2015 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slithytove · 08/03/2015 10:50

DH broke his ipad, genuine accident. Wouldn't have dreamed of asking to spend our savings on that, they were for emergencies. Instead he waited 6 months and got one for Christmas, we also sold his old broken one to put towards it.

And he didn't insist on getting the newest one around.

I think your partner is being disingenuous about it being broken, why can't they get a reconditioned older model? What about house insurance?

Preciousbane · 08/03/2015 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:52

Personal spending money is similar amounts, however in the past I've ended up living out of my overdraft for the month as I've put all my wages in the joint because she's not been paid for two weeks at Easter.

OP posts:
YouMeddlingKids · 08/03/2015 10:54

I agree with a PP that the real issue is shared money management - it was never a massive issue for me and DH (who had a similar sort of set up to you, although the one of us earning less varied over the years) until we had DS, and both felt the strain financially. Now we run into problems sometimes as I think that DH is financially irresponsible and he thinks I'm controlling! Therefore extraordinary purchases generally involve a lot of negotiations and compromise, but we get there in the end. In this case we'd probably compromise on a cheaper tablet.

dalekanium · 08/03/2015 10:55

The other thing is, does it need to be a £500 ipad?

You can get cheaper ones, I have a mini, which was under £300. Or you could get secondhand or reconditioned.

That is if it is unrepairable and insurance won't cover it.

I think wanting £500 out of the joint account for an item for yourself is not on unless you both agree( I had a partner do this and it pissed me right off) but in the circumstances if she really loved having an iPad and got a lot of use out of it I would compromise on a cheaper one, and perhaps count it as their birthday/ Xmas/ Valentine treat.

YouMeddlingKids · 08/03/2015 10:55

Also does she have the option of having wages split into 12 equal parts? I've worked term time only in the past and this was how it was always done.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/03/2015 10:55

Gender neutral pronouns are almost always used by men who expect we bitter harridans to assume the recalcitrant partner is male, he can then do the big reveal and say 'aha! You are bitter misandrists after all for this paragon of virtue is actually a man! Bwahahaha' or something.
Tedious.