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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my partner replace their iPad?

133 replies

letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 09:51

My partner has accidentally dropped and smashed their iPad 4 after putting it somewhere they shouldn't have (edge of the sink). It's an iPad 4, it used to be mine but I gave it to them shortly after I bought it as I got bored with it. I've always said that if they break it then they can replace it, a few days prior to breaking it they were hinting at getting a new one but I'm happy to believe that it's a coincidence that it's now broken.

Anyway they now want to borrow over £500 from our joint account to pay for a new iPad and case, I'm reluctant to say yes as there's not much in our savings account and I'd rather continue to save up to get married, go on a honeymoon and to replace some furniture/decorate our bedroom etc. They say that they'll put a bit extra in the joint account every month to pay for it but as they work term time only they'd struggle to do so and we'd still be over £500 short.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/03/2015 10:10

Op feels 'they' can say no to an iPad but still controls the account by saying what it shoul be spent on (wedding/bedroom)

To be fair, the iPad is used by only one person whereas the things the OP wishes to spend the money on are "joint" items.

Rainicorn · 08/03/2015 10:10

I think the op is giving a genderless post to gage reactions.

Op, a joint account means you both make decisions on big purchases. However, did the money for the original iPad come from joint or out your own pocket?

NotYouNaanBread · 08/03/2015 10:10

If you partner isn't earning enough money to buy a new ipad, then tough. If you're saving up for something else you can't just take £500 that one partner, and not the other, wants to spend on something completely non-essential. There's no WAY either of us would spend that on an iPad right now, unless the person wanting it had no other laptop or equivalent, especially if it was the other who was essentially funding it.

And seriously, who gets an iPad 4 and starts hinting about upgrading it? #greedy?

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 10:11

It's beyond annoying and stupid.

HesterShaw · 08/03/2015 10:11

Sorry is this your partner or your teenager?

Agree with what Eve said about the use of "they" - it's being used as a smokescreen. A transparent one OP.

Purplepoodle · 08/03/2015 10:12

I get this. I save hard and have to drag money out of OH each month. Could u claim on house insurance?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/03/2015 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaTsMaMmA · 08/03/2015 10:13

if the money is there then why not? Presumably the one with the broken ipad is aware that money only goes so far and would rather have a replacement than a fancy holiday? or honeymoon with a controlling partner

the whole gender neutral issue is very aggravating though.

VivaLeBeaver · 08/03/2015 10:13

I would say if it's a joint account and £500 of the money in that account has been put in by that person then if they prioritise an iPad over a wedding, honeymoon, etc then it's up to them.

If theyve only put £100 in and the rest of the money was put in by you then I'd say it's not on.

Either way Id be pissed off if they didn't try to get it repaired first. An iPad 4 is still perfectly current, I have one.

I also have separate bank accounts from dh so don't have to worry about asking him if I can buy x or y. Either I can afford it or I cant.

HesterShaw · 08/03/2015 10:13

Anyway, what about insurance?

TwoOddSocks · 08/03/2015 10:13

Can't believe so many people think it's controlling to have a say over how joint savings are spent! It sounds like that money is being saved with a particular purpose in mind and both OP and her DP have separate spending money for personal luxuries like iPads etc. So if she bought her iPad from persona money it's totally different from him buying it from their wedding/home improvement saving money!

IDontDoIroning · 08/03/2015 10:15

Ok thought about this some more...
I'm assuming that you work full time and have more disposable income as you can afford go buy an iPad and then a few days later get bored of it. Yet your dp works term time so I guess does most of the house/childcare etc so contributes in non monetary ways but allows you to earn your higher salary.

I think that you are unreasonable in expecting your partner to contribute equally in a financial way if they earn less ££ but contribute non ££ to your jouint lifestyle. I also tbink you are Unreasonable not to allow them to use their own money to buy something they want.

It's also unfair of you to go accusing them of deliberately breaking it and your attitude is like you want to punish them.

Can it be repaired? Why not take it to the Apple shop - It may be repairable if not they can do a replacement where you get a similar spec/age one for a payment I had a swap out of mine when I samshed the screen for £150,

My local Timpsons do repairs but these won't be covered by the apple warranty.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/03/2015 10:15

You bought an iPad - was it with joint money or yours?
If the partner is planning to replace the money over the next 5 months then I don't see why they shouldn't replace the iPad. If I broke mine I'd replace it and I would not accept anyone telling me I couldn't use savings to do so.

SylvaniansAtEase · 08/03/2015 10:17
  • 'They' is used in many areas of the country to mean a single person;
  • OP doesn't have an iPad at all, she says she got bored of it and gave the iPad to her partner, not that she upgraded it;
  • If it were me, I wouldn't necessarily believe that it was an accident either, and that would be my prerogative, however, I'd do as the OP is, and keep that opinion to myself and be publicly 'happy' to accept that it was an accident - can't see anything wrong with that - OP is being polite and keeping any doubts to herself - 'accusing them of breaking it' - ! - does she say she's done that?! No!
  • I would consider that joint savings are exactly that - JOINT. If it comes to it, I suppose that the partner could decide to remove his 'half' (or whatever he put in) to the savings and take himself out of the joint savings plan. But I would say it's generally more complicated than that - one could argue that were he living alone he wouldn't have been able to save that cash - the idea is that the whole is tied up together as a joint fund which exists because of the efforts of both. So I can understand OP's opinion. Especially as this is, as has been said, a 'fun' purchase JUST FOR HIM.
Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:18

Also I'm not dictating that the money must be spent on a wedding etc.

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/03/2015 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SukieTuesday · 08/03/2015 10:18

As others have said, claim on the household insurance.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 08/03/2015 10:20

Can 'they' get an ipad on a pay monthly deal?

SylvaniansAtEase · 08/03/2015 10:21

Interesting, I've used 'she' there, completely assumed OP was female.

Didn't even think of the gender neutral thing as I live in an area where 'they' - 'Oh, you're looking for Dave? I saw them coming down the road' - would happily be used to describe a single person.

Anyway, makes no difference what gender either person is.

YouMeddlingKids · 08/03/2015 10:21

Would need to know loads more about your joint finances to make a decision... like where did the money come from for the original ipad? Your partner works term time only and doesn't have much spare at the end of the month - are you paying enough into the joint account yourself? The amount of personal money you have left over at the end of the month should be roughly equal. If you have hundreds left to buy yourself an ipad, then it isn't fair on your DP if they don't.
I agree that big purchases shouldn't be made without both of you agreeing... did your DP agree to the initial ipad or was that your decision?

IDontDoIroning · 08/03/2015 10:21

I think either the OP is a man or this is a reverse.

CaTsMaMmA · 08/03/2015 10:22

yes, needsascarf ....it's patronising at best, suspecting the ipad was broken accidentally on purpose

does the ipad owner have to sit down nicely and be careful?

Hakluyt · 08/03/2015 10:24

Oh, the op's obviously a man- even though he tried to throw us off the scent by saying he wanted to save the money for their wedding.........Grin

Bakeoffcake · 08/03/2015 10:24

Gosh you sound a catchHmm

TwoOddSocks · 08/03/2015 10:25

However I'm assuming that you and your partner have approximately equal levels of disposable income otherwise you're being unreasonable.