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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my partner replace their iPad?

133 replies

letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 09:51

My partner has accidentally dropped and smashed their iPad 4 after putting it somewhere they shouldn't have (edge of the sink). It's an iPad 4, it used to be mine but I gave it to them shortly after I bought it as I got bored with it. I've always said that if they break it then they can replace it, a few days prior to breaking it they were hinting at getting a new one but I'm happy to believe that it's a coincidence that it's now broken.

Anyway they now want to borrow over £500 from our joint account to pay for a new iPad and case, I'm reluctant to say yes as there's not much in our savings account and I'd rather continue to save up to get married, go on a honeymoon and to replace some furniture/decorate our bedroom etc. They say that they'll put a bit extra in the joint account every month to pay for it but as they work term time only they'd struggle to do so and we'd still be over £500 short.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
dalekanium · 08/03/2015 10:57

Sorry xposts. Slow typing today.

silverstreak · 08/03/2015 10:57

Yes precious stopped just short of self flagellation but did think it necessary to give myself some time "to think about what I'd done"! :)

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 10:59

YouMeddlingKids unfortunately it's the way that the Pre-School she works at does it, holiday pay is paid out over the summer holidays otherwise we'd be stuffed.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 08/03/2015 10:59

Could she loom for another job paying more money? As she seems to want a higher amount of disposable income than she has maybe she should look into ways if earning more. Or is she hoping that you'll soon get married and then she can get pregnant and stay at home and you can pay for everything she wants?

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 11:01

If your partner wants expensive things then she should work to pay for them. If you have no children then there's nothing stopping her form upping her hours, and then she'd be able to afford a new ipad herself if she wants one.

pinkyredrose · 08/03/2015 11:01

Btw check ebay. I've just bought the latest Galaxy Note tab for £250 on it. 2nd hand but 4 months old and mint condition.

Spadequeen · 08/03/2015 11:03

Well when I read the first post I thought about the gender but then realised it doesn't matter whether it was a man or woman. You don't let your partner buy something, you discuss it and come to a decision together.

If I told dh he wasn't allowed to buy something, I would be just as controlling.

You might not have the funds for it now but some money aside each month to get a new one, but it is not up to one person to decide on what the joing money is spent on.

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 11:08

pinkyredrose absolutely not.

I'm not saying no to the iPad but I've realised thanks to some posters to check our insurance and eBay etc as it hasn't got to be the latest model.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 08/03/2015 11:10

absolutely not to which of my points?

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 11:16

pinkyredrose to her getting pregnant, staying at home and me paying for everything she wants. She's not like that.

OP posts:
BadLad · 08/03/2015 11:28

Joint money is just that joint so I think people do have some rights to debate how it's spent. It's the exact reason I am one of the minority on MN and never want to have a joint account.

Couldn't agree more. Obviously changes with you have children, or if only one of you is working, but that isn't us.

Charlotte3333 · 08/03/2015 11:32

DH earns far, far more than I ever will. I work in a school (thankfully it's pro-rata, so I'm paid each month even through the holidays) but if we want/need something (and generally I'm the one who spends most, as I tend to buy the children's stuff, presents for family, bookings days out and whatnot) I think I'd be quite upset if DH thought twice about 'allowing' me to spend money.

Joint finances in this house means neither one of us is in charge. We talk about the big purchases beforehand but DH has never once complained that I earn less than him. It just is what it is.

VivaLeBeaver · 08/03/2015 11:56

Why's the battery life awful? Mine is the same model and I'm on it all day, every day so the battery needs recharging every night.

Has she turned Bluetooth off, turned screen brightness down, etc. doing stuff like this makes a big difference.

Momagain1 · 08/03/2015 12:08

£500 is definately over our line into needs agreeing. Depending on what other over the line purchases both joint and individual, it needs prioritising. It even needs researching, for instance, CEX online has an ipad4 for £290, which is enough less to change the dicussion from 'needs agreement' to 'needs mentioning just in case'. DP might even be able to trade some other tech in to reduce the price a bit more. A case good enough to protect it if used by an attentive adult (fell off the edge of the SINK? Who even brings one near a sink?) could cost less than £10, certainly less than £30.

ApocalypseThen · 08/03/2015 12:14

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to discuss major purchases from a joint account, however I'd struggle to maintain a relationship with someone who assigned themselves as senior and final authority in the relationship and spoke in terms of "letting" me.

Ragwort · 08/03/2015 12:14

Agree with Charlotte - I haven't earned for the last 14 years and would hate to have to 'ask for permission' to spend any money - having said that I can't imagine ever wanting something that cost so much money Grin.

There is a much bigger issue here than whether or not your partner wants an ipad - it's more about your attitude to sharing finances. You both must be in total agreement about your approach to finance (and to expensive gadgets Wink).

SanityClause · 08/03/2015 12:14

There's just not enough information.

Perhaps, though, you and your partner have different priorities. Maybe you want to save for some future eventuality, and they want to have the latest things, now.

If that is the case, perhaps you need to assess whether you are compatible in the long term.

I don't think either partner should be laying down the law to the other, and saying they can't have their own money back out of a joint account, so in that respect YABU. Obviously, though, both partners have a right to say how they think the joint money should be spent, and when. So, YANBU to want the money to stay in the account. But, whether it stays or is spent is a joint decision.

StickEm · 08/03/2015 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeppermintCrayon · 08/03/2015 13:37

Why not get an iPad mini instead? Mine was £200.

Agree with PPs on all other points though

notquiteruralbliss · 08/03/2015 13:48

OP I would hate to be involved with someone like you. We have a joint bank account and both get all money we earn paid into it. We both spend money from it. I wouldn't 't dream of consulting DH before buying something and I wouldn't 't expect him to consult me. The only time we would discuss a purchase is if it were a joint purchase, like a domestic appliance or a car or a holiday we were both going on. An iPad or a personal laptop would just be something one or other of us would go out and get.

PintofCiderPlease · 08/03/2015 13:55

I thought the battery life of my IPad was awful, but then I got a decent cable for the charger and it was fine. So look at repairing it and getting a decent new cable.

VivaLeBeaver · 08/03/2015 14:01

Surely it depends on what percentage of your income/savings the purchase is? For some people £500 would be a lot of money and for others it wouldn't be noticed.

So I don't think it's fair to criticise the OP for saying he shouldn't be expecting his partner to have to ask. Where do you draw the line? Would you go out and spend 10k, 20k without telling your other half? Some people would and it wouldn't be a problem. Are they right to think that people who would expect their partner to ask before spending 20k are unreasonable?

Original poster
letscookbreakfast · 08/03/2015 17:09

notquiteruralbliss I'm guessing that you and your partner earn considerably more than me and my partner, spending £500 on an iPad is not a drop in the ocean for us.

I'm glad that I'm not involved with someone like you.

OP posts:
notquiteruralbliss · 08/03/2015 17:35

Letscookbreakfast, I suspect I do earn more than you however I also suspect my DP earns less than yours and I would never dream of telling him what he could or could not spend money on. Nor would I ever assume that the fact that I earn a lot more than him somehow gives me the right to control his spending.

It was the way you referred to your DP as if she were a child that got me. Talking about her 'putting the iPad where she shouldn't have' and 'letting' her replace it. For what it's worth, in your partner 's place, I doubt that either I or my DP would choose to spend £500 on a new IPad but neither of us would object if the other chose to.

In my experience, you get used to using an iPad, it does quickly become done thing you would not want to be without and I can totally understand your DP wanting to replace hers ASAP. If you are not comfortable with spending £500 on a the latest iPad why not help your DP look for cheaper alternatives. So maybe last years model, or an iPad mini. I much prefer iPad minis as I think they are more convenient, nicer to hold and far better value than a full size iPad.

ghostyslovesheep · 08/03/2015 17:38

but hang on - it was okay for YOU to spend £500 on an Ipad which you got bored with Hmm

at least she'd get use out if it

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