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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu To think that dss and dh's ex cause my children to lose out.

560 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:30

I have two dc (15) from a previous relationship with a man who left me 6 months pregnant with twins. I have two dc (8 and 7) with my current partner. I also have a stepson aged 15.

OP posts:
capsium · 07/03/2015 23:22

I don't think there are many people that don't have to live on a budget. There are quite a few of you, why would you expect not to budget?

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 23:23

We can provide its the ex is trying to make our financial situation a lot worse. It leads to my dc suffering eg foreign holiday

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 07/03/2015 23:23

my children are missing out including his 2 STEP CHILDREN ??? - he is supporting them but you resent him supporting his child?

you need to discuss it with HIM no one here is going to make this seem anything but mean and grasping

good luck arguing with him that he should stop treating his own child to support yours

SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:23

Well dodo a lot of people. We can't all afford to holiday in Barbados. Cut your cloth to fit.
You went on to have two children with this man knowing he had to support a previous child and knowing you were bringing two children in which you may have needed help supporting too.

WayfaringStranger · 07/03/2015 23:23

When you say your children are missing, are yo referring to all 4 of your children or just the ones you have with your DH?

SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:24

*so do not dodo. Not sure what an extinct bird has to do with things

ghostyslovesheep · 07/03/2015 23:24

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Stripyhoglets · 07/03/2015 23:24

If he takes home 4k a month then csa would expect him to pay approx 15 % take home a month - so £600. So he is being more than generous. But if you as a family can't afford the extras then he shouldn't pay them, but it is for him to sort out. And yanbu to be fed up with the situation. 2.5k is not alot to live off in London with 4 kids. But it is your dh that has to sort this out. If you get involved you will be blamed.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 23:25

The problem I have is my children are missing out

If you mean the eldest two, get their father to pay up. And get back to work yourself.

LineRunner · 07/03/2015 23:25

You can save for a holiday out of two grand a month - you need to just be stricter and put so much extra away a month and as pp says go on the credit crunch board for tips.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 23:26

Gawd, yes, no foreign holiday?! Right up there with being sent down the pits.

SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:26

Ffs holiday abroad is a luxury

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 23:26

So you can provide

Ok the definition of suffering is not being able to go to Spain for 10 days.

Your child has right to be included as do all your children.
I'd say you have a pretty cushy set up and quite frankly yes YABU, winter coats family holidays an occasional game is just normal parenting stuff.
Sounds like you resent your dss.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 23:27

Yeah, 4 kids, that you chose to have more and more and then not work.

capsium · 07/03/2015 23:27

It is not an entitlement to have a foreign holiday. We have not been abroad for years. (Although some people find place like Spain cheaper than some UK destinations).

Not having a foreign holiday is not suffering. You say you go camping. Lots of kids love to go camping. You will find yourself happier learning to appreciate what you have instead of looking to what you don't.

SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:27

You resent him buying his child a coat but sulk when yours can't go abroad?

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 23:29

And games, too, Sparkly! You forgot about the games.

Maybe if you get a job, OP, it will leave you with less time to ruminate on how hard done by you are.

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 23:29

#of not not being able to go abroad should I say

PtolemysNeedle · 07/03/2015 23:30

Your children are not suffering because they can't go on a foreign holiday.

If your children are missing out on anything, it's because two of them have parents that don't financially provide for them.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/03/2015 23:30

Yabu

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 23:31

Oh god my last message was littered with errors bloody iPhones

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 23:33

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SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:35

Yes of course expat, the games must cost a fortune. God knows how op's dh will afford it. Oh hang on...

PostOfTheDay · 07/03/2015 23:35

OP, sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. I think you have to ignore the Ex's lifestyle and the fact she can afford to take her son on fancy holidays. the fact that you are being unreasonable doesn't mean that the ex is being unreasonable too!

You DSS is 15 - it won't be too long before things improve.

PostOfTheDay · 07/03/2015 23:36

ilovesooty. That is a nasty post.

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