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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu To think that dss and dh's ex cause my children to lose out.

560 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:30

I have two dc (15) from a previous relationship with a man who left me 6 months pregnant with twins. I have two dc (8 and 7) with my current partner. I also have a stepson aged 15.

OP posts:
OhMjh · 07/03/2015 23:12

I wish I bloody 'struggled' on 52k a year. I'd happily pay 18k a year in child support if I got to take home 52k.

I really don't know what luxuries you're referring too, coats, uniform and pocket money are not luxuries.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 23:12

I'd like to know how a knee injury prevents any kind of work for six months and why the OP hasn't chased her ex for maintenance.

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 23:13

Gifts as in ps4 games. Winter coat should come out of cm payments but she demands us to buy dss a coat.

OP posts:
SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:13

You need to get a grip.
£70k after tax and you're moaning about him supporting his child? Hmm

SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:15

At roughly £1600 a month after mortgage I doubt your children are 'losing out'.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 23:15

I b t you weren't anything like aswell off before you met him and his massive salary.

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 23:16

I can't believe some people on here. If dh had an injury and relied on me I would pay what I could to support his dc.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 07/03/2015 23:16

And you have 70 net minus 27 minus 18 = £25k.

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 23:16

Right his winter coat is not a bloody luxury!

Games and treats are annoying if demanded of every month but then he supports your 2 eldest aswell as his own...

Seems to me like a pretty decent set up for you.id personally chase my ex for the money he owes my eldest 2.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 23:16

It's probably longer, ilove, it's just that in 6 months, another 6 months, she hopes to get a job.

Meanwhile, the man is supporting five children on that salary and she's bitching about some games.

SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:17

And if you don't think it's dss's fault, why blame him in your thread title?!

PtolemysNeedle · 07/03/2015 23:17

It would be fair for you to let your husband know that you don't think a ps4 game every month is neccesary.

It would not be fair for you to stop your DH buying his son a coat. It not up to you to decide whether or not the money for a new coat should come out of the maintenance. That is between the child's parents.

mommy2ash · 07/03/2015 23:18

wait a minute if he is on 70000 your mortgage is 27000 and child maintenance is 18000 that leaves you with 25000. thats 480 pound a week after your mortgage and child maintenance. thats more than a lot of people have before they start paying bills. if you live modestly how are you struggling?

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 23:18

£1600 a month is not a lot electric, food, bills etc

OP posts:
WayfaringStranger · 07/03/2015 23:18

It sounds like he is supporting his step children (your oldest two) so you absolutely have no reason to gripe about him supporting your step child.

ghostyslovesheep · 07/03/2015 23:19

so because a parent pays maintenance they are banned from buying gifts or treats for their child - I must let my ex know Hmm

SparklyReindeerShit · 07/03/2015 23:20

£1600 would be a luxury to a lot of people.
Why have you had more children with him if you feel the pair of you can't provide for them and your other children?

capsium · 07/03/2015 23:20

I think you should take a look at the Credit Crunch board's money saving threads OP.

Buying a coat and uniform, with the disposable income your family has, should not be too much of a hardship. You are 'missing a trick' somewhere along the line.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 23:20

Noone forced you to have two further children.

Why haven't you pursued your ex for child maintenance?

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 23:21

The problem I have is my children are missing out. I not going to explain my financial outgoings. Take from me we have to live on a budget.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 07/03/2015 23:21

how much money were you bringing in, in your last job. has it been a huge drop since your accident? is that maybe why you are suddenly feeling it. how long are you out of work?

LineRunner · 07/03/2015 23:21

It's well over £2000 a month.

The OP is being disingenuous.

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 23:22

So your children are not being provided with winter coats and shoes?
How do they miss out?

Pasithea · 07/03/2015 23:22

How much of his salary is spent on your two each month. Do you buy their coats etc.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 23:22

I bet once you met this man and were dazzled by the ££££ you hoped you could persuade him to be less generous to his son, and are now sulking because he's behaving as a responsible father should.